Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

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Comment by Charles on January 22, 2010 at 9:22pm
Thank you so much for telling the truth.Like you I have my loves pictures every where.When the sun comes up each morning the light hits one of her pictures and I know its her giving me my good morning kiss.
No matter what I am doing she is on my mind.This afternoon it hit me all over again that she is not here, I fell to my knees and just wept.We were together almost 25 years.We held hands while we slept.The last thing I would say to her at night was I am going to dream about you, I cant wait to see you in the morning.I stll have her walkers, wheel chairs, canes, ect.This was really like a nursing home.I so love taking care of her.Thats one reason I am so lost now.I always told her that on her worst day she was ten thousand time better than any one else for me.Please remember that she was always smiling.Going through hundreds of pictures of her from many years I found three where she was not smiling.She was really something.
Like you I have gone through my birth day, her birth day, thanks giving, xmas, new years.Feb 1 will be our anniversary.So far new years has the hardest because it was as tho I was leaving her behind.I dread this anniversary day so much.
Like you that one person that always wanted to see me, to talk to me is no longer here.Oh how I miss that.You are so right that she would never have wanted me to grieve this way.I told her many times to always remember me, but get on with your life.Meet someone new and be happy until we meet in heaven.I meant it to.She said the same to me.
Its funny you work at the humane society because Doris did the same as long as she could.We have a little land and every dog, bird knew to come here because Doris always had the food and love for them.Her obituary said in lew of flowers please donate to SPCA.So many people did.
I so hope in time we can smile, laugh and talk about these wonderful people that filled our lives with so much love and joy.Doris and I laughed and joked every day.Its just not me to be so sad and heart broke.
Like you said Irene.Its the late evening, the quiet, the going to bed alone that is so difficult.I reach for her all throught the night.I know every one here understands exactly what I mean.Thank you again.This is the only place I can express my feelings.
Comment by Charles on January 21, 2010 at 7:36pm
I want to ask you if after ten months things are any eaiser for you?Be honest.Its been four months for me now and I hurt and ache and grieve more each day.At times I do feel as tho I am losing my mind as I just cannot believe she is not here with me.
What do you do to get through each day?
Are you able to remember the good times or are you still remembering the illness and the last days?
At times I do laugh at remembering something she said or did then the tears start again.Maybe thats a little progress.
I just miss her so much that I can hardly function from hour to hour.Can there be any joy or happiness once you lose that soul mate?Most people here lost that soul mate, that once in a lifetime love.Is ther life after all this pain and grief? Charles
Comment by Denise MacCallum on January 21, 2010 at 11:57am
My good friend is now holding a vigil over her husband who is dying of lung cancer...I lost my best friend this past October...He was diagnosed and only survived for 3 months...I can't believe that my friend will be going through the same pain and greif that I have been going and all of you for the past several months....Please keep my friend in your thoughts and prayers....
Comment by Carol on January 20, 2010 at 4:49pm
I just wanted to let you all know that it is finally nice to know there are people out there that understand my greif. Every word you write I understand and I feel your pain. I do not feel so alone Thank You Carol
Comment by Charles on January 19, 2010 at 8:46pm
The truth is that all couples will have to face giving the other up at some point.The love of my life passed away Oct 2009, she had been ill for some time.I well remember us talking about that one of us would have to give the other up at some time in life.We talked about what to do when one of us passed on.I remember we even cried together as we talked about one of us has to be left to grieve the passing of the other.She needed me so much because of her disabilities.I needed her for everything but I was also the healthy one.My love would have been in trouble without me because I did so much for her.As I look around our home at the walkers, wheelchairs, I do realize how much she relied on me.How wonderful if we could all live to be old together, be healthy together and die together.One of us has to be left and in our case its me.Im so lost not having that one person that loved me no matter what, that one person that always wanted to see me, to talk to me.
I to am so sorry that any of us has to go through this pain and grief but as they say.. Thats life.
We all have our memories, our faith that we will be together again to help us make the days and nights a little more bearable.
My oh my how I loved that lady and how I miss her.
Also how wonderful we can share these feelings with others here that understand. My son emailed me and asked how I was doing.I poured my heart out to him about her.His reply was to hang in there.THis is his mother.Oh well,
Comment by Anita Simmons on January 19, 2010 at 8:01pm
Someone asked me the other day if I had a choice would I rather go through the grief or my fiance to go through the grief I replied without hesitation, ME!!!!!!!! Never would I want him to go through this again. He went through this when his father died and there is no way in hell I would want him to go through this again. It gets me through the day and helps me feel stronger every day.
I don't know if that helps any of you but I wanted to share that just in case it helps just one of you. I never want to go through this again and I am so so sorry we all have to do this. Grief is so hard.
Comment by Jackie Matthews on January 19, 2010 at 10:05am
It has been one year and eight months since my husband died of cancer. There isn't a day goes by that I don't miss him and cry because I miss him so much. Some days I think I am making progress and the grief is not so strong but then I hear a song or see a couple our age walking along holding hands and the tears start again. If it were not for my faith in God and the love and support of my friends and family I doubt I would have made it this far. It breaks my heart to read about the struggles of those who have recently lost someone. I understand every word they say. Grief hurts, and there are times you feel like you're losing your mind. Lately, I have found that the best thing for me to do is get up, wash my face, and do something else. It's not easy but I have found I can laugh and enjoy life one day at a time.
Comment by kathleen caylor on January 18, 2010 at 7:17am
Went by the cemetary yesterday,Told him "Hi" 2 minutes later Toby keith's song came on"i'm gonna miss you my friend"Well that did me in!I was wasted for the rest of the day.The song says "I'm not crying for you I'm crying for me"I'm still crying 4 months later.When will the pain go away?
Comment by Carol on January 17, 2010 at 8:18pm
I lost my husbaand of 32 years in April 09 He was the greatest man and I miss him more every day We had been High School sweathearts and we were blessed with a marrage made in fairy tales like many of you we did everything togeather I am so glad that I have found this site just to be able to talk about my feelings It is so hard to tell people who have never gone thru this how you feel I just feel so alone right now and they do not understand My husband was my best friend we could talk about everything I miss him holding me and I too miss his snoring I wish I could hear him talk and talk He loved to talk
Well thanks for listening my tears are getting in the way Carol
Comment by kathleen caylor on January 17, 2010 at 9:31am
Garth Brooks sang" I could have missed the pain but I would have missed the dance" I'm sure glad I didn't miss the dance!!Thank you for the dance!!

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