Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Terry Kent Mar 7, 2022. 6 Replies


Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

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Comment by Marlena on December 27, 2009 at 9:24pm
Here's a video my niece made in memory of her Uncle Bunzy. I had to share it with everyone. It is so awesome...what a great present she gave me. Have your speakers on when you watch. Thanks for looking.

Marlena (and Tom)
Always and Forever
Comment by kathleen caylor on December 25, 2009 at 2:02pm
Just got back from the cemetary.For all of my tough talk ,I cried like a baby!When people ask "what did you get for Christmas?"I can honestly reply,a tombstone!It arrived Dec.24th.I made my kids think everything was fine,but it's not!I came back and mowed grass.Now what?I still have the rest of my life to face without my husband.He's been there since I was 14,I'm now 60 and I thought the easy years would be ahead of us.Now there is no us.I should just shut up,I heard much worse stories,I'm just feeling sorry for myself!!Sorry guys.I had to vent!!Merry Christmas!
Comment by Pam on December 25, 2009 at 9:34am
At 9:29am on December 25th, 2009, Pam said…
My husband, Paul, of 29 years passed away in April, 2009. This is my first Christmas without him. I have been dreading this day for a long time and then something unexpected happened - we had 14" of snow and the family is not able to get together today. I am so happy. I know that sounds a little weird, but it was just more than I thought I could take to have the family dinner and open presents just like normal, because it will never be the normal again. Maybe by next year I will be ready for my new normal. I feel like I was given a gift today. My thoughts and prayers are with everyone who is, like me, experiencing our first Holidays/Birthdays/Special Days without our loved one.
Comment by Charles on December 25, 2009 at 7:21am
Well its Christmas morning.Im up and I am alive.I am so sad with this broken heart.We had our first Christmas in 1984 and now I am alone this 2009 Christmas.All I can do at this point in life is hope that I can at least live with the pain and grief.Time goes by so fast and this time next year we will not believe its been one year since we lost that love of our lives.
I hope all of us here find some comfort,hope,love,this next year.
Comment by Andrea on December 24, 2009 at 9:10pm
It's Christmas Eve and I sit here. My son just left and it's only 7 pm. I loved Chuck so very much. But I can't go on crying and crying. I have decided to live again. I don't want to miss one more opportunity to enjoy my kids and grandson. I'll still cry and I'll still miss him, but I know my family needs me as much as I need them.
Comment by Andrea on December 23, 2009 at 10:50pm
I just found this site. I felt all alone in this. But seeing everyone's pain made me cry for all of us. Tears are supposed to help us heal, but when your heart aches so much, you wonder will you ever heal. My Chuck was diagnoised with a GBM in 10/08, after 4 brain surgeries and chemo/radiation, etc. he died in May 09. We didn't have time to say goodbye. He was only 56 and we were just 4 months shy of our 26th anniversary, his birthday was in November, then Thanksgiving and now Christmas. I miss him so very much. I miss his hugs and his presence. I hope all of you heal and soon feel comfort again. I know we all want to stop the sadness.
Comment by Jeanette Kilpatrick on December 22, 2009 at 4:58pm
I keep promising everyone that I will not be depressed, but it happens anyway. I am working real hard at helping the homeless shelter and counting my blessings and it has been a life saver for me but I still think about my husband of 60 years real often and though I would not ask for him to come back in the condition he was in and suffering the way he did, I miss him terribly. I will survive though, if that is God's will, and you will to somehow. Let's count our blessings and try to go on. As for Christmas, be happy for the ones left behind. They need us too. Love to all, Jeanette
Comment by Yaca Attwood on December 22, 2009 at 2:00pm
It sneaks up on you...Christmas - it has been six months since 29 June 2009, when my husband died, and in the last several weeks - I've had long stretches when I didn't cry, when I could remember him without dissolving into tears.

And then, I went to Mass on 12/20, the 4th Sunday of Advent, and I start crying all over again, because I realize that it's Christmas, and he didn't make it - even though we never did all that much for the holidays (we both would have liked to keep working, keep busy [and in Information Technology, the servers and the DataCenter don't know that it's Christmas or New Year's or what have you - if a server comes down, or a database becomes available - you _will_ get called!])

Anyway, I was surprised about how much the grief has returned, and how Christmas songs start me crying, and the like - I'm sure I will be at Midnight Mass with the tears pouring - and 2500+ (I attend the largest Catholic church in the Diocese of San Bernardino) people will simply have to deal with it...

Peace, blessings, healing and comfort be upon you all!
Comment by Rhonda on December 22, 2009 at 1:49am
I lost my husband on Thanksgiving 2008. He was diagnosed with advanced esophageal cancer on Aug 28, and exactly 3 months later. The cancer did not kill him. He was just finishing his first cycle, and we were feeling hopeful, and 2 days later, he is in the emergency room. His doctor 'fried' him, basically. He took him off all his heart meds, despite denying that and caused him to go into sepsis, followed by septic shock which is what he died from. I am still angry when I think about the level of negligence that was incurred, maybe because I'm a nurse. We were married for 31 years....and to be truthful, it wasn't a good marriage. He was troubled with addictions, depression, and sleep apnea. When he was good, our marriage was awesome....but when he was bad, the relationship turned physically and emotionally violent. We both came from broken homes and had 2 children, we didn't want to repeat the cycle, so we stayed married.....despite it all. I didn't think I loved my husband, as awful as that sounds, until his cancer diagnosis, and especially after his death. It broke my spirit. We just renewed our committment shortly before his death, and when he died, my heart died too. 6 months later, I was diagnosed with colon cancer....I only have 2 more treatments to go, but I just keep getting whomped in the head by this Cancer demon. Make it worse by my son not speaking to me, thank god I have my daughter. My son told me that I made his father's life hell and that he is glad that he is passed and "finally" in peace. My son then spread rumors to my husband's family, and now they alienate me....and so its just my daughter and I. The grief has gotten better, but whenever I think of him, my heart drops still.
Comment by Brigitte on December 21, 2009 at 1:08pm
I am spending my first Christmas without my soulmate and best friend. Douglas has been gone for 5 months now but it still feels like yesterday. He would want me to go forward and every day I take a few more steps along the path of our plans that are now my plans. One day he and I will be reunited and we will have the Christmas of all time!

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