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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Started by denise. Last reply by Sara Murphy Oct 10. 3 Replies

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Kaela Roster Federle Sep 25. 27 Replies

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Comment by Basia on June 21, 2010 at 2:07pm
I am just greatful that yesterday is over. I survived it with lots of tears. On the long drive home from our weekend I thought about how much I have cried in the last months. Since Terry died I cry at least 50 % of the time. How long will I cry like this? I am 40 years old and the thought of being like this for the rest of my life scares me. But hey you never know , I might get run over by a truck tomorrow . Ha! How do you spell relief... A mac truck. I know that wasn't funny but I guess I am not a funny sort of girl these dAys.
Comment by Deb on June 21, 2010 at 12:52pm
Hi Kathy,
Not only was yesterday Father's Day, it was also the one-year anniversary of my Junior leaving me! My day started very hard. My day began and ended with tears. My niece sent me a text early yesterday morning-have you in my thoughts today. Then my nephew, other brother's son, called and asked me if I would come to their house for late lunch and homemade ice cream. He said that he and his brother had gotten their Dad a new grill for Father's Day, and Dad was going to try it out. I enjoy their company and went there after going to the cemetery. At least my mind was occupied while I was with them. It was a period of the day when I didn't cry--except for wishing that my guy had been with me! It was a blessing to go to my brother's house. Then the "real world" hit as I was driving home - alone! I began to cry and the day ended as it began. I finally went to sleep about 4:30 am this morning. Like Mary, it seems as if "it" hits so hard when I'm alone! I so miss everything about him and no one will ever replace him! My sister-in-law told me that she knew that it would be a hard day for me and they didn't want me to spend it alone. It was just very sweet of them to offer, because I didn't even hear from my other brother or his wife. You are all right . . no one can even begin to imagine what we go through unless they have themselves lost a spouse! Thank you all for being here for us - God bless us all!!
Hugs to all. Deb
Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on June 21, 2010 at 10:13am
To Kathy and to all, No one except here on this site will ever understand our grief and sadness. My wife's sister and her husband are coming here from Vegas in 2 weeks for their family reunion and I DREAD it. I want to be left alone also. I AM STILL GRIEVING ! To do the things without my wife is pointless to me. To eat out,visit,whatever,I will not torture myself doing it alone. Like most of us know,our soulmate,friend,companion,best friend,pal,wont be with us anymore. Why cant they understand it? Doing these special things at special times ,alone, I wont do it. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.
Comment by Mary on June 21, 2010 at 9:57am
Hi Kathy,
Father's Day was very hard. I am at the 4 month mark since I lost my husband Jim. His birthday was last Sunday and then, of couse yesterday was Father's Day. All of his children and mine (our children) were here for his birthday and we had a cookout. It was hectic, but I got through it ok. My daughter did the cancer relay for life, the weekend of his birthday and because she lives out of town she was here all week. She left on Friday. I've noticed that when she is here and then leaves I am very sad and cry alot. It is not because she has left, but because I feel like I have to show a different front when I am around others, so it hits me hard when I am finally alone.

And that is how i spent fathers day, alone and no one called. I am better today. but as I sit here, I keep thinking, this is how it is going to be. Nothing is going to change, no reruns, no second chances. No one who hasn't lost a spouse could ever understand the grief of losing your best friend and soul mate and there is nothing you can do, or change, about it. So depressing.
Hugs, Mary
Comment by Sage on June 21, 2010 at 9:30am
Hi Kathy -

Yes I was sad on Fathers Day too and held back tears all day.. Friends and family mean well when they invite us over or want to come and spend time with us.. Their hearts are in the right place but because they haven't gone through the loss of a spouse they just don't understand.. Their words and invitations still do not make them wrong if you know what I mean..

My husband and I did a lot of fishing and hunting together.. I will miss these times and I don't feel right about going fishing by myself.. Its like you just never see women doing this.. So - I called a daughter and I also called my son - we got together and went fishing in mine and my husbands favorite fishing hole :) The fishing was terrible but it was nice that my children spent this time with me at this special place.. So thats what I wound up doing on Fathers Day because if I didn't i'd be here crying my eyes out and this isn't what my husband would want for me..

But again Kathy - don't be upset or offended if your sister wants to see you move on - it's just her way of saying that she hates seeing you sad and she just wants to see you have some happy moments again.. She loves you and she cares - if she didn't she would be ignoring the saddness she sees you in.. Take care of your self and blessings to you..

~Sage~
Comment by Deb on June 20, 2010 at 11:00pm
Hi everyone. One year ago today God called my Junior home. Today has been a very hard day! I miss my Junior so very much...he was my love, the center of my world. At times it seems as if he has been gone for years, but again at times it seems as if it has only been days! I had a visit from the hospice Chaplain this past Thursday. Said he wanted me to know that they have me in their prayers and know that I had an "anniversary" coming up. He, as well as the hospice nurses, aides, and workers have been such a blessing to me this entire past year. I want everyone to know how very much I appreciate each of you for being here, and know that I pray for God's peace and blessings for each of us!! Please keep me in your prayers. Have a great week all!!
Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on June 20, 2010 at 10:53pm
Today is not too good.After15 months since my wife died, my unborn great grandson will probably aborted next Tuesday due to a major problem. The seeds my grandson planted in my wifes memory didnt take. He planted "forget me nots" and "daisies", to give her a daisy a day. Hugs to everyone. Hugs are good.
Comment by kathleen caylor on June 20, 2010 at 6:55pm
pippa,the shock has worn off and the unbearable pain has set in.Sorry you have to go through this awful thing called grieving.It has been 9 months for me and I must say I am starting to see a ray of sunshine and I do function a little better.But you will notice,we all progress at different times.So don't expect too much too soon!Best wishes and find some peace.
Comment by pippa on June 20, 2010 at 12:39pm
..yesterday was Liza's second memorial service. Her mother had it held in southern NJ where Liza was from.
It has been a month since she died and I feel like all the numbness surrounding her death has worn away now to be replaced with constant pain. Pain that runs the gamut of a constant gnawing at my heart to the feeling of a 500 pound weight on my chest, pain that rips me from end to end as I contemplate my life, the rest of which is to be lived without her. My only connection to Liza right now is my clear knowledge as to how she would want-and expect- me to deal with this.
she would want me to honor her memory- the legacy of her fierce fight to stay alive-by showing strength and resolve and making her proud. But I built my whole life around her and now I've lost my center of gravity, my heart, the sense of anything really mattering at all.
The house is silent, my life is empty. I am going through the motions in hope that it will take-build muscle memory if you will-so that at some point down the road, living my life will come naturally again, rather than now just being a conduit for pain.
Every week so far, I have believed I have seen, felt experienced the worst and I'm making some headway in clawing my way out of my pit of despair, only to realize, come morning, I have fallen back in but somehow, have fallen even further and I am in a worse place with a deeper and more pervasive pain than before.
is this what they mean by hell on earth? it feels like it. I miss her so much. I can't believe I will be living the rest of my life without her by my side.
Comment by kathleen caylor on June 20, 2010 at 7:30am
I'll be thinking of all the fathers that are with us and especially and the ones that aren't.Always in my heart!!!
 

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