Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22, 2017. 2 Replies

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Comment by Kay Arcuni on September 14, 2010 at 8:06am
It's funny that you should all mention cooking. I used to love to cook for Joe, I would put together these elaborate meals made from the simplest things and he would eat like he was at a gourmet restaurant. He would say presentation makes the meal. Well I am in the mood to cook and had to invite friends over so I can do that, I sure hope it doesn't turn into burgers on the grill. To all of you being able to know that I am not the only one who is just waiting for when we can be back together with those we loved so dearly does some how take the fear away. But I still wish he would just come home.
Comment by Deborah Kelly on September 14, 2010 at 5:26am
Hello everyone,
I just lost my husband Tim on 8/1/10. I thought that I was alone but after reading these posts I realize that is not true. My heart goes out to each of you. What we are going through is terrible. We each may have ended up here for different reasons but in the end we all have lost someone that we love deeply. I met Tim right out of high school we dated for 5 yrs then decided to get married. We had a Las Vegas wedding on Oct 13th. This was the best day of my life. This Oct 13th we would have been married 23 years. Tim died suddenly and very unexpected. Wow what a surprise! My whole world was flipped upside down. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time.
Comment by Nancy Satterthwaite on September 13, 2010 at 11:57pm
Reading about the Chicken Noodle soup gave me chills...The day my husband went into the hospital, he wanted some homemade Chicken Noodle soup. I told him I would make it, and he said, "No, thats too much work," I said, "We are retired, what else do we have to do," I went to the grocery, bought what I needed, went home, made the soup and he ate two huge bowls. He told me it was the best I ever made. Three hours later, he told me I needed to take him to the hospital ER. He was on Cumindin ( blood thinner) and little did we know he had bleeding ulcers. He basically was bleeding to death when he went in, then it took six hours to get him a blood transfusion, ( he needed 3 pints) which caused his kidneys to fail, and then he had a heart attack. Went on a vent early the next morning and died six days later. His last meal was homemade Chicken Noodle soup. I don't think I can ever make it again.
Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on September 13, 2010 at 11:13pm
Connie, you are sooo right.LouAnn used to make homemade chicken noodle soup and make her own noodles.I used to help her cut them up and lay them on the table to dry. I loved being at her side always. She was my pal and I miss all of the things that she could cook.I helped out alot cause she had carpal tunnel and arthritus in both hands.She had to give up embroidery. She was so good at many things.She used to cuss me out for wanting to do the dishes,she would say,the day I cant do my dishes I will be dead. Another dreadful memory.Now I hardly cook,being a man I am limited.Now I dont care about eating and maybe slap something together. Alone has no purpose for anything. Sorry folks, I'm just waiting to be with LouAnn.There is no future being without our spouse.I have her loss of 17 months coming soon and our wedding anniversary(the second without her) the 29th.Its already on my mind.
Connie, you will be okay with your procedure.I will be with you in spirit.We all care and understand on this site. Hugs to all.Hugs are good.
Comment by Connie on September 13, 2010 at 10:50pm
Life really stinks when you are going through what we are. It seems like the days go by and I am just wandering around trying to do something constructive with my life but not accomplishing anything. I manage to keep the house clean but it takes me forever to do it. My grandaughter asked me to make homemade soup and noodles for her. I used to be able to do it without any problem. I finally got the soup made tonight but the noodles will have to wait until tomorrow morning. The world is just turning and turning and no one will stop it and let us catch up with it. I hate the lonliness. Now with the season changing and darkness coming earlier each day, the nights are so long that it just seems as though they will never end. I cannot get interested in my needlepoint. Nothing really matters anymore. I wait for the day that I can be with my husband again. Well, with the heart problems that they are finding again, maybe my wish will be granted before too long. That's all I can hope for now.
Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on September 13, 2010 at 8:03pm
Kay and to all,it seems we all are falling behind and if only; the world would slow and life would let up that we could maybe figure out what we are to do now. But nooo. So here we are pondering.Life has changed for the worse and all we are left with is emptiness and loneliness to make sense out of it. Please 'thank God for allowing you that time together". A plaque I read somewhere. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.
Comment by Kay Arcuni on September 13, 2010 at 5:22pm
Well it will be 4 weeks tomorrow and I have just hit another wall. Right now I am just so mad at him for not being here to help me. How will I be able to keep all he worked so hard to make for us. Why can't everything just stop moving so I can catch up. I feel like I am falling behind and I will never beable to catch up. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING IT WASN'T SUPPOSE TO BE THIS WAY!!!!!!
Comment by Marlena on September 13, 2010 at 5:17pm
Me, too! I still can't part with any of Tom's things and it will be 18 months on the 16th. I can't bear the thought of getting rid of anything because it feels as if I'd be letting go of him, too...and I won't be able to do that ever.
My mom thought she was helping me out by suggesting we put all of his coats and things away a few weeks after the funeral and then again a few months later. I made it very clear to her that was NOT happening. She hasn't asked since. Good thing, cuz I think I'd lose it on her. He's a part of me, a part of this house, he isn't going anywhere. I can't just pack up almost 28 years of togetherness and hide it away like it didn't exist.
I agree with what works best for you.
Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on September 13, 2010 at 4:10pm
Kay, Debbie, Chrystal. Its been almost 17 months since LouAnn died suddenly. I have not thown her things away or touched them. Her shirt and pants are still hanging on the vacuum cleaner handle where she put them to take a nap. I sniffed all her smell out though. Just do what is comfortable to YOU. YOU will know when and how to do things, it will be up to you. There are no rules or instructions and YOU are the final judge. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.
Welcome back Virginia !!!
Comment by Virginia on September 13, 2010 at 2:36pm
Hi everyone, Thank you Randy you are a sweetheart, and thank you to those sending their best wishes and Connie H,I hope you get to feeling better soon,I'm glad to be feeling better still a bit weak but thats to be expected as i've been on the couch and in the recliner for a week. Hopefully this will be it for awhile but you never know. I will post later but just wanted to say thank you Randy and everyone else. God Bless and hugs to all.

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