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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017. 4 Replies

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Comment by Lisa Hamilton on April 14, 2018 at 7:32pm

Thank you, Marsha H. If you would care to comment specifically on any of the episodes, I'd be grateful. The podcast is part of my degree work. I need to get a draft to my professor by Sunday evening, so the sooner the better. Again, my thanks.

https://www.thinplacepodcast.com/episodes/

Comment by Marsha H on April 14, 2018 at 3:42pm

Lisa H ...  Thank you so much for sharing that link with us.  It's so informative and beautiful at the same time.  You have been through so much and my heart goes out to you.  So many of us wish we could wave a magic wand and take away the sadness from all our hearts.

Comment by Marsha H on April 14, 2018 at 3:40pm

Deborah P.  ...  I know it wasn't an easy task to clean out Greg's clothing from the closet, but so proud you did put them in his dresser.  That's a big start.  There will come a time when you will be able to go through his clothes and give them to charity and there is nothing wrong with keeping some favorite clothing of his.  After 7 years I still have Ernie's work jacket and baseball cap hanging in the hallway and there it stays and I also kept his bathrobe so every once in awhile I can wrap it around me like a security blanket.  So proud of you.

Comment by Marsha H on April 14, 2018 at 3:36pm

Susan F ...  I am happy I made you feel a little better about your future.  I hope and pray that each day you get up is a little better for you.  Thinking of you.

Comment by Lisa Hamilton on April 14, 2018 at 2:48pm

Deborah, You did something hard and big today. I hope you can feel proud of yourself.

Comment by deborah peck on April 14, 2018 at 1:40pm

Today just on a spur of the moment thing I packed Gregs clothes in our closet and folded them into his dresser, baby steps but it was a big one for me

Comment by deborah peck on April 11, 2018 at 9:59am

Mary Jane you have no idea how relieved your post made me, I truly thought there was something wrong with my mind but now I remember this thing I went to by Alan Wolfelt and he said that its a real thing so thank you again for that. I truly hoe this goes away soon its such a weird feeling to feel like you are not all together in your thoughts

Comment by Lisa Hamilton on April 11, 2018 at 9:32am

In the wake of my 27-year-old son's death 25 years after we lost his dad, I've started a podcast. I hope others will share their stories so that we can create a community in which others share their experiences of grief as a thin place. Losing my son has made fresh the grief of losing my first husband. Now my second husband is in failing health.

https://www.thinplacepodcast.com/

Comment by Mary. Jane on April 10, 2018 at 6:54pm

Sara..I never did list anything on EBay...another FEAR has stopped me...actually, my daughter came up with this one...with all the crazy people out there...she said I should get a P.O box as a return address..instead of using my home...and I think that is a great idea...but it involves getting to the post office and obtaining one. Remember I don’t drive..so everything is a hassle. This small thing could cause a lot of problems...like forgetting the shipping discount if I print labels from EBay..as to change my registered address would b a HUGE hassle ..and I don,t expect any returns...just need something to put as a return address so strangers won’t know where I live. So now I have something else to worry about. Oddly, I was supposed to start listing stuff Sunday, but obstacles kept deterring me..it is a sad world when you fear putting your personal stuff out there...I sold 10 years ago on EBay..but I had BOb here and the world was a kinder place then.

Comment by Mary. Jane on April 10, 2018 at 6:37pm

Oh,Deborah..I had to smile at you fog post. OMG, it,s been 2 years and 6 weeks since Bob died, and The FOG has become my permanent residence. I have been this way for so long, I have forgotten that I once was able to THINK..to remember things, I LOOSE objects 100 times a day..I check to see if I locked the door all the time, cuz I don,t trust the memory I have of doing it...when I know I did it, but cannot remember. Today I went to have my nails done..a friend picked me up..I was smoking in the garage,when I heard her car..so I carefully stubbed out the cigarette, and went out to the car...and second guessed myself..was I sure I put it out? So I made her wait, while I unlocked the door, turned off the alarm..and went into the garage to check...when I KNEW I had carefully put it out..but my addled brain said “you better check cuz you could burn the house down. 

I do this stuff ALL DAY!  I finally found a solution for the many times I LOOSE items I was just holding...I am serious..I ask Bob to find the object I just had...and it works! I am able to find it in a moment when I ask him...sounds like I have lost my mind...

but the very worst thing is since he died I am afraid of EVERYTHING! They are all “what if’s”. Groundless fears..that I build up in my mind to the point of histeria! I actually have to talk myself into thinking sensibly..or trying to.

On a good note..for you...some of the fog is slightly receding. It is a very slow process, but I notice I am finally starting to recal mundane things...like the name of a woman I worked with 40 years ago, etc. I am still stunned when this happens..so maybe it is getting better..very slowly. Honestly, it’s the FEAR that is the worst. My mind goes from 0 to 1000 in seconds...things like if the flushing toilet sounds wrong for a millisecond I must have a broken water pipe...I had a large red mark  on my scalp..so I knew it was a brain tumor...I was terrified for a week till my Dr toldme to switch shampoos..ok, I am done rambling. 

 

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