Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1337
Latest Conversations: 3 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Deb S 12 hours ago. 26 Replies

On the last day of our vacation my husband died.

Started by Andrew Berenyi Jr.. Last reply by Deb S 12 hours ago. 34 Replies

My love is gone...

Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by deborah peck Sep 12. 18 Replies

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Comment by Deb S on Friday

Sarah, Thank you for your sweet note. I remain more exited than my soon to be 4 year old granddaughter at Christmas. I have seen photos and done research on hundreds of homes. I narrowed down the search and my realtor showed me about 15 houses. None were "just right". This house had been on the market but was not on my radar until the owners decided to drop the price substantially. I called my realtor and asked her about the neighborhood with plans to come and see the house in the next few days. Another couple put an offer on the house so I placed an offer sight unseen. The seller asked each of us to submit are best and final offer. It is not easy to determine how then to proceed. I wrestled with a number and heard Bob advise me as to how to counter. I soon learned that I got the house! Fortunately, I've had no bad post-purchase feedback. I am comfortable with my decision and taking all of the necessary steps so that I can settle asap. 

It is a big step but one I am happy to be taking. Thanks again for your sweet comments. The collective strength, wisdom and support from this group is a Godsend.

How are you doing?  Debbie

Comment by Sara Murphy on Friday

Debbie.....Congrats on the 2nd home.  I'm in awe of your strength to make such a large purchase.  I panic just thinking about smaller purchases or projects around the house.  I'm glad you'll be in a place that brings you comfort and peace.

Comment by Sara Murphy on Friday

Trina......That's a wonderful post and pretty much says everything I think we all feel.  None of our family or friends were present in our marriage so they can't know what we feel.  The loss isn't the same for them as it is for us.  They also don't know the amount of energy we put into faking it every day so to them, we're doing fine.  I know I'll mourn Ken until my  last day.  The connection we have will never die.  Thanks for such an insightful post.

Comment by Marsha H on Thursday

Dear Trina ...  What a beautiful post you left with wise words as usual.  I think you nailed it on the head as to how most of us feel about our spouses.  Ernie and I were like you and Joseph and we were there for each always through thick and thin and that's part we miss the most.  I still talk to Ernie in my home or in the car and I still feel his strength guiding me through life.  No matter where you are Trina or what you do Joseph is guiding you and right there by you.



Comment by Marsha H on Thursday

Dear Deb S.  ...  Thank you for helping me toss out those caustic words that man said to me.  I could hardly believe my ears.  Shortly after that (this being a small town I live in) as sure as shooting he would spot me somewhere and call out my name, but one thing about getting older as I can play 'the deaf card' and would keep walking.  LOL  I haven't seen him since thank you God!  Thank you for your concern and I appreciate it.

Comment by Marsha H on Thursday

Deb S.  ...  I am so happy everything went so well for the purchase of your other home and that's a really good sign you are doing the right thing.  Of course we have your back and you go girl! 

Comment by Mary. Jane on Thursday
Beautiful poem, DEBORAH. THankyou.
Comment by Marsha H on Thursday

Deborah P. ...  Thank you so much for that lovely poem and I like to think that every day.

Comment by Marsha H on Thursday

Mary.Jane ...  Well said.  They say eventually in grief groups that saying the word 'D' put's things into reality and that's when we realize our loved one isn't coming back.  I may have used the 'D" word myself and if so apologize, but generally I use 'passed away.'  This, for some reason sounds softer and not to caustic. 

I can certainly understand how you feel thing he would come in after parking the car.  For 2 years I would look at the driveway from the kitchen window at 4:30 PM sharp and had myself believing Ernie would be coming up that driveway swinging his lunch bucket and would tease me when the dogs would meet him at the door wagging their tails all excited to see him and his favorite line with a smile on his face would be, 'Now why don't you meet me at the door like that?'  I just tell him I didn't have tail!  LOL

It is hard when we really begin to see our home for the first time after going through shock of our deceased loved one and for some reason everything looks different.  I call this part of grief 'the awakening.'  Moving to another city and home is not easy no matter how long you have been grieving even if you have come to terms with it.  I may well have to sell my own home come spring and it's gnawing away at me.  I have no idea where I'll go and that scares the delights out of me, but for now I put it in the back of the recesses of my mind and will deal with it when it happens. 

You're going to do just fine Mary and I think when we make traumatic changes such as moving it's a new start in our lives and I do believe no matter where one moves our spouses know where we are. 

Comment by Marsha H on Thursday

Chicago Beard ...  Thanks for that and I will I had let the dog loose!  LOL  Just goes to show you how low some human beings can go.


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