Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: on Thursday
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Corey. Last reply by Diamond Mar 29.
Started by Tiffany Phillips. Last reply by Sara Murphy Jan 27.
Started by brenda may. Last reply by Marsha H Jan 12.
Dear Marsha, So sorry that your nephew said such an awful thing to you that hurt your feelings. Please try not to take it heart. Seems family and friends are just too self centered to care about anyone else besides themselves. I only have one sister in the area and have been living out of the US for more than 20 years so don't have any friends left here--Spend most of my time completely alone...Believe me, I know what you're going through. Just know that you're not alone with your feelings, Hold on tight to the memories that you have of your dear Ernie. My Dean passed just over 3 years ago and would be turning 75 on April 29th...I was blessed to find a new partner and we were very happy but last November he had a stroke and is stuck in the UK recovering. Life just isn't fair! I rarely post but wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and know how you feel. Love, Deb
Hi everyone ... I've been having very rough days and deeply depressed and trying so hard to snap out of it. I will try describe it as best I can.
As you all know I'm 75, but people say I don't look over 60 and I have good energy and a good sense humor. I am well liked wherever I go, but still having a difficult time with my small immediate family and problems with friends as well as trying to make new friends.
Firstly, on Easter I was taking pictures and no one else was; these occasions have always meant a lot to me and Ernie and I were always the 'picture takers.' Memories! Now that Ernie is gone no one thinks to take a picture of me so I asked one nephew if he would take a picture of his mom and I and he was taking the picture when his brother said, 'Auntie Marsha, cross your arms over your chest.' HUH? I asked him why and he giggled and said, 'So it looks like you're in a coffin!' I was so shocked and hurt and blasted him for saying something so stupid as that. He said he was just joking, but I felt it was an odd thing to say or perhaps I'm just over sensitive. I have had pot shots from 'dear, elderly, etc.,' a lot lately and I have to say it really bugs the heck out of me. It makes me think of what other people see when they look at me. I always dress nice, look pretty presentable and am extroverted. What's missing? Apparently anyone over the age of 60 has had a lobotomy. LOL
My family isn't the closest family and it's small, so I feel quite lonely and seldom see my Great-niece. I have been open and honest as to how I feel and figure seeing my Great-niece every couple of weeks isn't stepping on anyone's personal space and I get from my nephew that he'll ask me down, but it never happens. I'm tired of practically begging for this or for getting help around the outside of my home. It shouldn't be this way as Ernie and I were always there for our friends. That's another problem; friends promise to have me over (would be great to get out of my house every once in awhile) and when it never happens it's such a disappointment. No invitations to see old friends since Ernie passed away yet some have no problem coming and plunking their butts at my house or a 'quick visit.' I have tried very hard to get out there and volunteer and make friends and the lady that runs the dog shelter and I are close friends, but she's super busy, lives a long ways from me so we don't get together for a coffee or lunch. I got to Bible Study and the people are really fantastic, but they don't engage in a coffee or lunch even though some promise, but it never happens. I don't know what else to do and when each weekend comes I dread the thought. One girlfriend does come on Fridays, but she is now seeing more of her family and I do understand that. I feel our relationship is dissipating because of it and I will just have to roll with the punches. To me the world has gone crazy and everything is so different where people aren't as friendly or wary of others. All this has been very depressing for me and I love having people around me or doing things with friends. I feel like I'm nothing but a ghost at times. I know if I could make new friends, my old friends were more vigilant in inviting me over the odd time I would be fine. My grief has subsided after 6 years although I still talk to Ernie and miss him with all my heart, but how do you reinvent yourself when others are so restrained from doing so.
Thanks for letting me vent my dear family.
My dear Chuck ... I was in tears when I read your post and know how difficult it is for you to go through your anniversary. Ernie's is coming up April 27th. I wish I was there to give you a huge hug big brother.
Love you & thinking of you.
Mark's illness was a neurological disorder very similar Parkinson's and so his doctors treated him with the same and similar meds, all of which were very strong and powerful pain killers and a mix of other drugs to try and control his seizures. His disorder was genetic and no cure, most of the males from his mother's side of the family didn't survive beyond 50 or 60. He and I would talk and he stated often that he doubted he would live beyond 50. Most in his family contracted this horrid disease in their late 40's, Mark displayed symptoms soon after his birth. He was treated until he was about nine then the symptoms left, leaving him with a few side effects. It wasn't until 2004 that he started displaying symptoms again. We were living in south Florida and we went to the Mayo clinic in Miami. The doctors were convinced he was suffering from the beginning stages of Parkinson's and so began his decline. It was painful enough seeing his health decline and his dependency on his medication increase, along with his seizures. To this day I still second guess everything I did or didn't do, the day he died still replays in my mind without warning. Knowing and watching someone die still does not prepare or alleviate the grief of it all. There were days I really did not think I could or even want to continue my life. So many emotions, so many memories, I still wonder what I am doing some days. Each day does get easier and each day brings it's own challenges...and to borrow a cliché, life does go on.
Nice Letter to Larry, you said what a lot of feels but have a hard time putting into words. Diane knew the way to look through my different faces for different situations and see the real me also. My Sister is a going through a Divorce, she had a simple medical procedure done and I went to the Hospital for her. She told me not to worry she would be there for me too. Hang in there my Friend. You help all of us a lot.
I just read your post on the 2nd anniversary of Larry's passing, and I can't stop the tears from flowing. Your letter to Larry voices so many of the things that I would tell Joseph if I were writing to him--how much I miss him and how I will never stop loving him for as long as I live.
You show courage when you say some of the more difficult things personal things about your life together with Larry. But your courage and frankness are a tribute to Larry's memory. Larry knows how much you love him and what you did or didn't do was out of your deep love for him.
On this day of remembrance and introspection, I send you much love. Please know that I am holding you close and sending you prayers for healing and peace.
With love and deep empathy, Trina
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