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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1370
Latest Conversations: 8 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele 8 hours ago. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on May 31, 2019 at 5:22am

Frances C ...  Welcome to Legacy and you've come to a wonderful place with people who are going through or have been through what you are going through.  We are all loving and caring; no judgments are ever made regarding posts and if it makes you feel better just read the posts and get the hang of it and when you're comfortable just say what is in your heart and how you are feeling.  We're all  here to support you.  Eventually one day you will feel like you can post so don't feel rushed.

I have made some wonderful friends here and although I live in Canada and most are in the U.S. I feel at times that I have known them forever and when one is down the others group together to pick them up and give them strength.

A big hug because you need it.

Marsha

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 30, 2019 at 11:14pm

Hello Francis..welcome, and .don,t worry about responding..you don,t have to unless you want to...and my posts are kind of off beat at times as I just post what I am feeling at the moment. When I first came here, It took me a long time to post, I just read pages of posts...and it was sooo comforting to know I wasn,t alone in my grief. We are an eclectic group, but we are here for each other...I never Imagined I would find a place like this with so much caring and support.

Comment by Frances C Younger on May 30, 2019 at 10:26pm

Still not sure how to comment on many of the posts.  It is a rainy, uncomfortable night.  Reading your comments helps me.  

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 30, 2019 at 7:19pm

Ok this is a weird question..but do any of you get “signs” from your departed loved one? First off, I talk to Bob all day..but I have mentioned that..and Rudy my kitty often stares intently at something I cannot see..when I interrupt him, he will glance at me for a second, then go back to staring into the same space. I know it is “Daddy”. 

But a strange thing happened yesterday. I have several kitchen junk drawers; in one of them I keep my jewelry tools..little pliers, etc for making and repairing jewelry..and for about 6 months, I couldn’t find my favorite needle nose pliers, which I have had for at least 20 years. I even took everything out of the drawers,looking for them..my OTHER tools were there, but not that pair. Yesterday, when I opened that drawer...THE PLIERS WERE THERE!  RIGHT ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE!!! They were NOT there for MONTHS, and now they were..and I had searched the entire house for them.  And, WEIRDLY, I ordered another pair on Amazon..but when they arrived, they were not the right size..they were a lot bigger...I was going to return them, but they were PERFECT for a ton of little things...not jewelry, but removing nails, etc...very useful, and i love them! So..I know Bob had something to do with all of that. Yes, there have been other signs...some big, some small...and last night, my daughter had a HUGE sign! I will tell y’all the very weird details in another post. 

Comment by Marsha H on May 30, 2019 at 6:47pm

Dear brother Steve ...  What beautiful poems and so full of wisdom and I sure needed that!  Thank you so much for taking the time to  post that as it gives us peace and hope.

I resonate with you when people ask us how we are doing so shortly after our spouse's passing.  Myself (you know how feisty I am) believe in the truth.  Without ruining the evening when around others and someone has the audacity to think I'm 100% OK after Ernie's passing I just look at them square in the eye and tell them 'I'm doing, but not always OK.  When you love someone deeply it takes time for the dense hurt to go away.'  I then smile and change the subject and after my comment no one dared to even approach that subject.  LOL  Guess I am to honest for my own good.

My girlfriend just had her husband pass April 27th on the same day Ernie passed away.  We keep in close contact with each other and I'm helping her through all the red tape.  She always kept in touch with after Ernie passed and not many will do that.  She answered a question we all ask about people not understanding our loss when she said, 'Oh Marsha, I felt badly for you and we missed Ernie, but I had no idea what a gut-wrenching loss it truly was and now I know.  Thanks for being there for me.'  So my friends people don't really mean to hurt your feelings even if some get pushy, but they feel badly to see us so sad and want to 'fix us.'  Be as patient as possible with these people because they truly care.  We are so sensitive for the first 3 years after our spouse passes so I just bite my tongue.  Glad I did.  

Hugs to my 2 best brothers

Love

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on May 30, 2019 at 6:38pm

Mary.Jane ... Prayers from me went out to all of you with your horrific weather.  Sometimes we feel we are making a mistake such as moving, but actually there is a good reason behind what does happen to us as the future faces us and thankfully you are moving to California where I know you will be happy.  

Many hugs

Marsha

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 30, 2019 at 11:23am
Deb P....Praying for your safety and that your home is spared from flooding. Please update us when you're able to.
Comment by Mary. Jane on May 30, 2019 at 8:04am

Oh Debrah, what region do you live in? Omg..this weather is astonishingly horrible!  I know yesterday Steve and Chuck were under tornado warnings, even before they posted..as I live 4 hours from them, and it was the same storm. These storms are just jaw dropping. Almost 2 weeks of constant peril...

I will pray that somehow u don,t get flooded...so many people around my area are..I was just fortunate the area I live in was higher..and not near water. It is just the tornados I am in danger of. 

And,there might b a bright side...as my life has been complete chaos for 2 weeks..THIS is the time we chose to buy a new place in CA and sell my house..so in between tornadoes, I spent 7 days showing my house to strangers...and now I am one signature from “being in contract” and having to move to CA in 3 weeks. And all of this in between tornadoes. Plus my beloved Rudy the wonder kitty got sick...but he seems ok now...it has been one thing after another..RELENTLESS..so I wish u safety and shelter from the storm. 

Comment by Steve G. on May 30, 2019 at 7:15am

Mary.Jane,

Prayers for you too, stay safe and check in when you can.

We got a lot of rain and thunder where we live, finally gave up listening to the tv, shut it off and listened to radio/music.

Comment by Steve G. on May 30, 2019 at 7:10am

Deborah P,

Prayers for you and your neighbor's that the flood waters will spare you all.  I will echo Marsha, stay safe and please let us know as soon as you can.

Double Hugs

 

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