Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: 5 hours ago
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Mary Clough. Last reply by Linda Price yesterday.
Started by George Chavez. Last reply by DJ Aug 3.
Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Richard Gordon Jun 1.
Well, went for tests today, mammogram chest X-Ray and ultrasound. Seems there is a large mass about an inch and very dense and yes, it's cancer. So, Monday I talk to a breast cancer Dr and they scheduled a biopsy for Tuesday morning. I told them hold it! I've done research and know that no two women react the same And all that. I just want nature to take its course,why biopsy when we know already it's cancer. I've noticed it since August but couldn't do anything about it at that time. My Marshall knew about the lump. He said if it weren't for me he wouldn't have tried anything and both daughter s said he would have been destroyed if something happened to me. So, he went first and he did promise to wait for me. The median time for someone with breast cancer and doesn't have treatment is 2 1/2 years give or take. So be it. I cannot go ten to twenty years without him. Check my mom is 91! So I am strangely at peace. There was a reason he got sick and went so fast. He did a karaoke show Sept. 17 and was gone Nov. 1. He knew. Now I start my journey.
Linda ... As Mary Jane said, you did nothing wrong. Often when people have heart issues and if they are medications or have had heart surgery they are frightened and also some medications can change their personalities. When my Ernie was battling pancreatic cancer he was on 3 different medications and I noticed how much his personality changed. He went from a wonderful, sedate and loving man to striking out at me angrily. I did what I could, but sometimes I would get angry back. I tired so hard not to be, but he had become reclusive so I had no one to lean on. All throughout our relationship we leaned on each other so I let him lean on me. Not easy for sure. I went through the guilt you are going through, but eventually realized I was just human, took a lot of angry words from him and being human just every so often would strike back. To look after someone with a disease and especially one that will take their lives it must be extremely difficult to live under that pressure and we did our best for them. Just like raw grief there are no words of comfort for them. You are right, try not to think about it if possible and realize you did the best you could and believe he loved you and always will.
Last night was the celebration of my Marshall s life. It was amazing. There was good, karaoke, funny stories a beautiful slide show was made, the cake had our picture on it, solo much food. The friends and family....I can't thank enough. There had to be more tables and chairs brought in! I cried most of the night but I know he would have had a ball
It was definitely a send off that was all him. His daughter said that since he knew about the size of this lump that he wanted to go first because having me go thru something like this would have destroyed him. He said he would wait for me I guess he felt it wouldn't be too long a wait. I look forward to Tuesday, actually feel at peace about it.I'm very worn out from so many emotions last night that I think I'm just gonna do nothing today. Love to you all
Thank you for sharing.
I thought I was the only one who could not put it together, Yes, an anniversary would be much better. Isn't it crazy: I wonder if Dave would be OK with this. But it is; we discussed everything together. I can feel him smiling at me right now.
The celebration you had for Bob was perfect; it was not overshadowed by raw grief.
Dave's box of ashes are with me too on the sofa in my bedroom, and in a cloth bag. I have not touched it since putting it there.
Thank you again, Mary Jane. I was feeling guilty for not paying a much deserved tribute to an extraordinary life.
tomorrow would of been my 1st husband Robbys 66th birthday, its so very surreal to think of him when I am now griefing for my 2nd husband who just passed, I feel guilt for even thinking of him now when I'm in so much pain for Gregs passing but also know he is the father of my girls and I always think of him when things go on in their lives. When Greg and I first met he had a really hard time coming to grips with the fact that I would always love Robby too but its not like a divorce where most times you have fallen out of love, . He finally realized that I didn't compare the two men in my life, two different ime periods in my life, two different marraiges. But still very now to sort it all out in my head right now
You didn't write to me, so you may not appreciate my 2 cents worth - I'll butt in anyway:
You are very brave to attend your beloved's celebration; I have been mulling over hosting a belated one for my beloved. though don't know if I could follow it through, his loss hurts so much. I'd be standing there - if I could stand at all, weak-kneed sobbing my heart out. It would be like tearing this scab off and beginning the process all over again.
I have health issues, doctors appointments to treat the results of my strokes. And I don't care (either)
Though I'm sure I'll probably go, I will only half listen, going through the motions. Then something will come along and distract me from the grief, and I will SOMEHOW get through - it's touch and go. The scary part is not knowing if that will happen at all. I'll look back on the day and be amazed how I got through it I have no idea how if I'll survive tomorrow.
I can't give you any answers, Chris; I can just relate with you what I'm sure many of us are experiencing. Maybe misery does love company. As I say "it's whatever gets us thru the nite"
I'll be thinking about you
Hugs David H
Well, tonight is my husband's celebration of life party. My husband did karaoke shows for 17 years and there will be one at the vfw where he entertained for over three years. I have gotten dressed up as I always did for him. He was the entertainer and I his wife so I dressed the part...it always made him proud. I'm not driving tonight which will be a good thing. Latvian will be my main course tonight! On another note, had a Dr appt yesterday. The result...I need a mammogram sandwich will be this Tuesday plus two chest trays and a scheduled needle biopsy if needed.. the Dr said I have a large mass at 10:00 on my left breast. She then started to talk about treatment because she is very very concerned. I had to tell her Wahoo!! I'm not having any treatments. She said it could possibly be removed and not need chemo or radiation. Again I told her no. I have read that untreated it varies of course but two to two and a half are expected. That's fine with me. I can handle that and I know...after the shock of my husband's death I might change my mind and by then it will be too late. That song happen. I'm not living, I'm nearly existing. That won't change. So, I'm hoping for what I call the best on Tuesday. My daughter is .com Nguyen with me cause they will numb the area where they will take the biopsy. If I lay down and raise my arm over my head you can see most of the lump. Well, what will be will be. After I heard this a funny thing happened. I was strangely calm and peaceful. Well tonight won't be peaceful so wish me luck!!!!
Sign Upor Sign In
Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.
© 2018 Created by Legacy.com.
Report an Issue |
Terms of Service
Please check your browser settings or contact your system administrator.