Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Grief so great it hurts

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Comment by Sara Murphy on July 5, 2018 at 11:43am

Steve......that's awesome that you had such a strong deja-vu, that you could walk through the streets of Italy as if you lived there in this life.  I have had deja-vu experiences but not to that level.  More like Mary Jane, where I've actually been someplace or had a conversation where I knew exactly what the person would say next.

Mary Jane......I'm on the fence  about reincarnation but leaning more towards believing than not.  I've always  thought that Ken and I must have walked through a previous life together as we were connected from the moment we met.  He told me on our second date (I was 20) that he would marry me.  When we started dating, there was just such a comfort level I can't explain, we were just instantly in a relationship that we both knew would last forever.  I think since you have such a strong connection with the Jewish faith, that chances are good that you were Jewish in a past life.

Oddly however on this subject are 2 things I've always wondered about.  One is that I may have drowned in a previous life.  I've always had dreams about water and being in trouble.  The other is I wonder if there are other people from a previous life that visit me in dreams.  There are a few certain people who appear from time to time in dreams that I know very well, that are long time friends and it's good to see them however these people do not exist in my current life.  It's not like when I dream of Ken, or have a work dream which include people I work with.  I've decided for myself that they're from another life.

Comment by Mary Nola on July 5, 2018 at 10:21am


Comment by Marsha H on July 5, 2018 at 5:44am

I'm Protestant.  I went to Sunday School and church, but now have joined a Bible Study group which is Lutheran.  Yup, as usual I have to try everything.  LOL  In Elementary School there were several Jewish Students.  I was friends with this Bob (walk home from school together) and when he walked me home my mom had him come in for milk and cookies, but when he had me go to his home his mother was angry and didn't want me in their home because I was a Gentile.  I was perplexed by this, but my mother explained things to me and of course it was shortly after WWII.  I have two Jewish friends now and much different.  We don't really discuss religion.  

As much as I would NOT want to think re reincarnation (who in their right mind would want to come back to the pain this world offers) there are clues it could be.  Yes, I have had experiences where I'm talking to a friend about a certain subject and realize we've had this conversation before yet not in this life.  Once with my first husband his brother and sister-in-law were looking for a house and we came across this lovely home that was uniquely built.  Before we even went inside I said without thinking, 'I've been in this house before.'  They didn't believe me so before we went in I told them where each room was and lo and behold I was right on point.  If I was sure I came back and was with my beloved Ernie again that's the only thing I would be happy about.

Odd once our spouses pass we do really search for answers and questions that won't be answered until we pass away as well.  I am battling back and forth too, but one thing I am sure of is when someone dies that is not the end of it.  Still trying to find those answers though.

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 4, 2018 at 7:00pm

P.S. I have a very short bucket list..most things are unrealistic, like see the Aurora Borealis..but one thing I would like to do, is attend a Jewish service. But since I don’t drive, I am holding off on that until I move back to San Francisco, where they have decent public transportation, or my daughter can take me. Can anyone attend a Jewish service?

Ok, that is all. Carry on. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 4, 2018 at 6:27pm

WOW! Steve,   What an awesome story! I got chills when I read it! I almost had decided to end this subject, as I felt I might be hijacking this site..but here goes. Mine isn,t as awesome..mine is based on “feelings”. I grew up in the WASPIEST environment...or maybe I should say wasC as about half the people in my town were Catholic. But I digress. The Christian Science Church was very different than the cool Catholic Churches, with their beautiful statues, and finely dressed priests..but this isn,t about Catholics. It is about the Jewish religion. 

Growing up I DIDN,t know ANY Jewish people...their was one boy in grammar school, and at my CS church there was a girl and her parents who were Jewish, but had converted to Christian Science. That was it. I knew NOTHING about Judaism, nor anyone who was of the Jewish I kept silent...but I thought about it a lot. That was it. This was the 60’s..there was no way for one to find information about different religions like now, and I was a teen and   Kinda forgot about those feelings I would have...time passed,I got married, and in 1995 Bob and I took a trip to Amsterdam. We were doing the tourist thing, when we went into a tiny shop. A husband and wife were the owners, and the man kept STARING at me..I mean intensely,like he had seen a ghost. Finally, he came over and asked me if I was Jewish? I told him NO, I wasn,t..but it was like he had seen a ghost..and he kept asking me if I was SURE..that I MUST be Jewish. I explained to him that I might be, as I was adopted, and DIDN,t really know..(I did finally meet my birth mother, and asked her, and she said no, I was NOT Jewish, but she never revealed who my German  father was and it was such a bad experience, I DIDN,t ask her)

meanwhile this nice man was just obsessed with me..and kept Bob and I finally left..but what I DIDN,T tell him or Bob, was that man had really struck a nerve. You see, although I know very little about Jewish people, I have always been secretly fascinated by the little I had heard. The music, and musical, the movie The Cantor, Yiddish phrases, books I have read, fiction,based on truth......I don,t mean any disrespect but when I hear these things,the only way I can describe how I feel is I feel like I am “HOME”. Since I have absolutely no bases for these feelings, the only thing I can discern is that I was Jewish in a past life. In fact, I KNOW I was. I will NEVER EVER read, listen to, or think about anything that happened in the 1930’s. I can,t even say it. 

So, that is it, it is just something that has haunted me my entire life, but it has been a pleasant haunting...I don,t know, I cannot explain it. Realistically, I could never actually convert to any religion so structured..and I have never been to a synagogue. And most likely never is just something inside me that I cannot explain, but it has always been there. When Beard said Mozel Tov to me, I was thrilled! That was the catylist that started all of this. That too, was like “home”

I believe each of us has had so many different lives, all f them different, to hopefully make us better people each time we are reborn. I hope You all understand these are just feelings,with no basis in reality, but they are MY feelings and they are good.

Comment by Steve G. on July 4, 2018 at 2:51pm

Dear Mary.Jane,
Your posts are so thought provoking, I love them. It just so happens that when I was a teenager my grand parents attended the Christian Science church and of course I attended Sunday school while the adults met upstairs in the main auditorium. I actually learned a lot attending Sunday school there and I also brought up a lot of questions. Fortunately, our teacher was very patient. I did not find it difficult to understand nor did I find it in competition with main stream religions. As a child of 6, while living with my father and stepmother, we attended a Methodist church. Once I moved back in with my grandparents we attended a small Baptist church until we switched over to Christian Science, only to return to the Baptist church. All religions have interest to me, while in the Navy I had friends that were Jewish, Catholic and a number of other denominations along with a couple of agnostics. We all got along just fine. As far as reincarnation, I have had a couple of episodes in my life that most folks refer to as deja vu. One such occasion happened when I was 19 in the Navy and in the city of Sanremo, Italy. When I first stepped ashore, I was overcome with a familiarity of this foreign city, the likes of which was as familiar as my home town of Jacksonville, Florida. I stayed quiet about this for a short time until one of my shipmates asked “I wonder where we can get a good local meal”, without any hesitation, I responded oh, I know a place where mostly the locals eat at. Should be up ahead and a couple of blocks this way. They all looked at me like I had just landed from a different planet. So I covered by saying that an Uncle of mine said that if I had the chance to visit Sanremo…I should check out this restaurant. That went well, until we started out with me leading them first down a little alleyway, then a road, lot of twists and turns. Getting there, everyone was quiet, once inside it turned into one of the best places to eat. 5 course meal and the cost was just 2 American dollars which included a vino from a local vineyard. The locals welcomed us with open arms and I think that was because we were in uniform we got a lot of extras. That place and experience has stuck with me my whole life. Turning down each street/alleyway brought more feelings of “I have been here before”.
Later on when I was out of the Navy I did some research on reincarnation and I still find the topic interesting. My belief is that we know so little about the universe we live in and even so much more less than what we think we know about this life on this planet called Earth. Even the Bible tells us that we do not know everything about our Eternal Father and even less about the hereafter. Each of us has to decide for ourselves what we believe or not. I think it preposterous for anyone to think that they have all the answers, after all, knowing what to expect would (for me) spoil our life here in the now. But then, what do I know…
Thank you Mary.Jane for your wondrous posts

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 4, 2018 at 1:41pm

Beard, I. Have heard of a few cases of little children claiming they were someone else, so I went and googled it..and yes, you CAN return in the same time period. I was actually surprised how many small children knew they were someone else, who had died in the same time period..say a 50 year who could speak a different language, stated that they wanted to go “home” etc. no we don,t usually remember our past lives..but I believe we remember a sense of them. I know I do have a sense of a past life...but I am feeling a little icky right now, so I will write about it in another post. Maybe. I am not sure I am ready to reveal something that I have no basis for...just a feeling. I should think before I post, and I am still feeling the effects of all the drugs I was given on Monday. Back later

Comment by Chicago Beard on July 4, 2018 at 12:38pm

Mary Jane

I do not discount reincarnation. People have been put in touch with past lives through hypnosis. I tend to think that if reincarnation is true we do not know we have all been here before or there would be a lot more people claiming it. Considering that the population of the earth keeps expanding there are plenty people giving it their first shot (unless we can be reincarnated multiple times in the same time period)..

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 4, 2018 at 11:11am

Deb, I will be thinking of you, and wish you a wonderful time with your family. I wish you love and laughter and good memories, and I know you will make new wonderful memories with your family today. And, I think Greg will still be there, as he lives forever in your heart.

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 4, 2018 at 11:03am

Hi kids. This post is really off subjects..but I am curious if any of you believe in reincarnation?  I was raised as a Christian Scientist..went to Sunday school till I was 18, but even as a little kid, I questioned the idea of Heavan and Hell. My child’s brain DIDN,t buy the idea of when everyone passes, we all go to Heavan, and fly around with wings. (I never considered a hell..I DIDN,t believe any person was bad enough to be sent to somewhere like Dante’s Inferno) So hence my child’s mind figured Heaven would be REALLY CROWDED. Therefore this whole idea DIDN,t seem plausible. When I was 20 my SIL gave me 2 books  about Edgar Cayce and I felt I had “come home”. Finally an idea made sense to me. Reincarnation. I only have a vague grasp on his teachings..but the basic idea is to be a good person in each of your lives, and if you are NOT, you must pay for your evil deeds in your current life where said deeds were committed, or return, and live a better life, and atone for bad stuff you did in your previous life. The eventual goal is to be a very good person, attain perfection, until your spirit is pure, and you go somewhere else..because you have learned all you were meant to, been a decent good person, and attained perfection. This part is a hard concept to wrap my head around..but I try..and I believe it.

Yeah, the perfection thing is still muddled in my brain, as it gets kinda murky to me..but that was like an AHA! Moment. We have so many past lives...and I really don’t understand much, but the basic concept. And, yes, Mr Cayce was a very strong believer in God, and read the Bible , taught Sunday school bla bla bla. But I also believe in ALL did he, as long as we are good and kind and basically follow the simple rule to be such. 

So, have you ever felt drawn to another faith, or culture? Does this make any sense to you? Have you ever been somewhere and KNEW you had been there before, but you had NOT? In my mind, a soul is too precious to only be on this earth for the short time we are allotted, which is why we have many different lives...

this is so hard to try to explain..and I have tried re-reading books on Edgar Cayce, but I don,t have the focus anymore.   And the GREAT THING, is you are with the same souls in each we will be with our loved ones in each I know Bob and I will be together again.

i am sorry if I have muddled this post, and I know y’all think I have gone over the edge..and maybe I have LOL They gave me ALOT of drugs and wayyy too much prep before my procedure, and I am STILL feeling the effects. I chided my DR for the 3 days I spent in the bathroom, and now I wonder why I still feel I will finally end this. There IS a part 2 to this, but I think I have rambled enough. But, it is nice to think that we will be reunited with our loved ones in our future lives. Too bad we won,t know it..or WILL we? 


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