Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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New Member

Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 5 Replies

Lost my husband

Started by Mary Clough. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 99 Replies

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Comment by Patti on December 22, 2017 at 9:54am

Thank you everyone for the pep has helped.  Tomorrow is the day....the day Joe left me.  My niece wrote a beautiful post on facebook this morning...I was already at work...saw it and fell to pieces here at my office.  I've pulled myself together but I fear one little thing is going to set me off.  Fortunately, I work in a small office and my coworkers understand and are very comforting...but the last thing I want to do is cry in front of them.  I will spend the day with our children tomorrow....which I'm looking forward too but I do think it is definitely delayed grief.  Last year at this time I was focusing on my son - he is a heroin addict and I put him in rehab one year ago yesterday so I think I kinda got through the holidays last year focusing on him and not my loss.  He is clean a year this year and now it seems like the holidays slapped me in the face.

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 22, 2017 at 9:28am

Marsha sent me this video. It made me cry with happiness. It is one of the most beautiful,loving video I have ever seen...I hope you all enjoy it...thanks, Marsha

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 22, 2017 at 9:24am

Patti?.i know exactly why this anniversary is worse than last year. This Feb it will be 2 years that BOb died. Last year we had a little memorial for him..and I was fine. This year I kinda “woke up” and realized he was really gone, which is why this year is so hard. It is delayed grief. That might b what YOU are having now. I know I am. All we can do is suck it up, sleep through it, or self medicate until it is over.

I DIDN,t have to make any Christmas cookies...that I was so upset about making..I got a gift from God..something called a Gaglion cyst. On my wrist, and couldn,t stir a bowl of soup, let alone cookie dough. The relief that is wasn,t something horrible, and a vitamin shot from my Dr made me feel a lot better. 

We will all be ok. We will all meet here Christmas Eve, and help each other get through it. 

I am supposed to go out to lunch with my two,angel friends today and Winter arrived this morning. All this time it has been almost 70 degrees here in Tulsa..I don,t even know where my warm coat is lol

i hope everyone is done with their shopping and stays safe on the roads.

Comment by David Heggi on December 21, 2017 at 12:37pm

I'm sorry, Mary Jane.

This time of year is so very hard.

Baking cookies, shopping - doing whatever you feel obliged

to do for the Holidays is not relevant now.  You need to

take care of yourself.  Your beloved may be in a wonderful

place, but you are not.

I'm sorry that your body hurts all the time; it's rough having  

to deal with that too.

Have your pity party, Mary Jane - you need to feel some-

thing for yourself.

We'll talk again, Hon

Your friend,

David H

Comment by deborah peck on December 21, 2017 at 9:33am

Dear Patti, anniversary dates are so hard, its all the remembering of it all that makes it so hard, especially for you with the holidays too. There is no time limit on grieving as you know by now. This is my 1st Christmas without my husband and I too wish it would just go away, I cant imagine having the anniversary mixed in with holidays too. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your friend Debbie

Comment by Patti on December 21, 2017 at 9:06am

Good Morning friends....I'm two days away from the 2nd Anniversary of Joe's death.  I haven't slept in days....why has this second anniversary suddenly become more difficult then last year.  I'm so far behind from doing anything horrible is it to just wish the rest of December away.  Good god....I'm such a mess. 

Comment by Christine Blaire on December 20, 2017 at 5:46pm

Well dear more test out of the way. The mri took 20 minutes. I had never had one before so on the 28 th I have the last test pet scan. So what I need to do it take a deep breath. It seems like the closer it gets to the end of the year the more panic sets in. I enjoyed all the holidays from Halloween on. I mean I really really enjoyed them. My Marshall enjoyed them too. He had stated he never enjoyed them until we were together. all know. New year's will be the worst. We are all suffering so bad this time of year. I want so much to be with my Marshall and I'm blessed that his family and our friends are all checking on me and inviting me out. . Christmas eve and day I believe I can handle but new years will have to be a drastic change for me to get thru it.. we dressed to the nines ,he entertained,the parties were always amazing. Never experienced anything like it. Now, it's done. I bought a nut cracker today. I have a large collection of them,all sizes over 30 of them. One almost as big as me......5'2!!! I had them all out but couldn't bear it so I put everything away as I said except my village and the tree. This pain changes you. Can't explain it yet but it does.sometimes I just want to close the blinds, lock the door , stay I. My jams and watch tv. I'm still not able to sleep in our bed,I'm on the couch. The hospital bed was in the living room......and when we were in the bed we always reached out to each other. Sometimes we'd wake to go to the bathroom,etc and we'd be holding hands and we didn't fall asleep like that. When I reach out now he won't be there. I ordered a 24 inch memory bear that will be covered in his favorite sleep pants. One foot will have Marshall on it and t he other floor will have my cowboy on it. It is to come after the first of the year and that's when ill try sleeping in the bed. I haven't felt my husband yet but I'm not in the bed, I'm on, atvian and sleeping pills and I cry every every day. I have a strong belief that he will. My cancer diagnosis has thrown things too. I love you all and pray that we can help each other get through this in some way.    Love, Chris

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 20, 2017 at 5:17pm

You have yourself a deal, Deborah!!!

Lets all start pity party..we deserve it!

Comment by deborah peck on December 20, 2017 at 5:15pm

Dear Mary Jane, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time right now, you have every right to have a pity party, it all totally stinks. I too would love to take meds and sleep thru the holidays but no such luck of course. My entire family will be showing up here for Christmas day and I'm praying I can get thru it. this is my first holiday season without my Greg and its going to be rough to say the least, so after it is over I will message you and we can have a pity party together. your friend Debbie

Comment by David Heggi on December 20, 2017 at 3:12pm

Dear Marsha,

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

Please don't think that I don't take them to heart - I do.

There are things in my life that I have simply not shared because there is not enough time and patience with me and you kind people.

It seems as though, like yourself, I always find myself in a caregiving role; with my unstable upbringing, someone had to.  And as a nurturer, it was fitting.

Dave's daughter needs my $  She is a single mother trying to make ends meet.  I want to pay her room & board - I wouldn't have it any other way.  

I am sure there is a family bond here: Her Dad's and my relationship of 35 years has been the most stable one in her life. She has always considered me her 2nd Dad.  So yes, there is that.

Right now I can't even consider this a short term situation.  Even if I had enough $ to be on my own, I couldn't:  I am recovering from 2 strokes, and am very weak and unstable.  So I can't see myself regaining financial and physical independence again (but then again, who knows)

Thank you for being here for me.  I've read a lot of good things about you, Marsha.

We'll talk again


David H


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