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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1371
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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on April 28, 2018 at 3:39pm

Ummm, Christine? Can you ever feel Marshal might still be with you? I feel BOb is around me a lot! I don,t care what anyone thinks..I DO feel him with me at times. Who is to say our departed loved ones AREN’T still around? Sure it could all be in my head, but that is how I get through the days. I talk to Bob constantly.i find it very comforting to think he is here..and I SWEAR he finds things I have lost...something like a pencil I was just holding, and misplaced...I will ask him to find it, and I will walk to a place I already searched and it will be there. Not always, but most of the time. Actually 99% of the time. I don,t always feel him here..but if I need him, I will ask him to come. I cannot explain it, but I know either he, or a higher power is with him, and will help me. And I aALWAYS thank him...for every tiny thing in my life...a gazillion times a day.

Odd that u mentioned your bed. I never slept on Bobs side of the bed after he died, but after almost a year and a half, I got a new mattress out of need..it was old, and my back needed one...and to this day,I have NEVER slept on his side..even tho he never slept there. One day,I am going to use his pillow to sleep on, and see if my dreams are different.

seriously...see if you can feel Marshals presence...u might b surprised. If you open your heart to the possibility.

yes, I know I am  trying to sound positive..today is a better day,I am not so sick as last week, so I can open my mind to positive things. They are out there...maybe your Dr can prescribe something for your night terrors. I don,t know what that is...is it when u r trying to fall asleep?  I have trouble sleeping when my mind is racing...but it is just regular thoughts. Maybe we can help you with that? You say you feel better in church? Well, why don,t you talk to God or Jesus during the day? (I don,t know your faith...)

i don,t attend church, but my belief and my faith in God is my rock and support..and when I talk to BOb, I always address God, as if God was standing right next to BOb. To me, God is omnipresent no matter where you are. I wish you comfort and relief from your pain.

Comment by Christine Blaire on April 28, 2018 at 12:35pm

Mary Jane....I too am just waiting to die. Yes every day is the same and today I'm not doing anything with my hair,etc. Still don't sleep in the bed. A positive attitude helps to get you well,so it's been said. Well,my attitude sucks. I've been told I've come a long way. Maybe. I still want to join my Marshall and I hope the cancer comes back so I can be with him sooner than later. I feel it is my saving grace. Being without my love will never get better. May 1 will be 6  months.I feel like a robot. I feel like the only time I have any peace is when I'm in church. I don't know how we all do it. All I hear is "one day at a time". I see more therapist on Thursday. Night terrors and spasms are getting worse. Still cry while driving which makes me nervous. I don't want to hurt anyone and with my luck I'd end up a vegetable! On that note....the dog needs out...Bless you all.

Comment by Patricia Huett on April 28, 2018 at 10:09am
deborah peck

Thank you for your kind words, and yes I too believe I have found a safe and good place to post my feelings and not be judged. Right now it is so Raw I am lost. This man was my life for 34 years and I can't imagine how I'm going to go on without him. this house that we made our home 30 years ago it's a blessing for me but also a haunting for me because I see him everywhere and then every project we did together. I know I will survive and get through this site is a blessing for me because everyone has been so kind and welcoming and giving me great advice. I have days where I don't even want to answer the phone I put it on do not disturb I just don't want to talk . Again, thank you for being so thoughtful of my situation. Have a blessed day Patty
Comment by deborah peck on April 28, 2018 at 9:16am

Patty, I'm so sorry you are now in this group but you've found a good "family" to be in and everyone can help you try to deal with it, this May will be 1 year for me and I still feel like I'm in a fog all the time and just when I think Ive got a grasp on it all I sink again, everyones journey is different as everyone griefs differently but Ive gotten a lot of good advice on here. so hang on and just concentrate on a day at a tome

Comment by deborah peck on April 28, 2018 at 9:12am

Mary Jane I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time right now, it seems to never stop doesn't it, I check on here every morning and night so please post if you need to, I will be here.

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on April 28, 2018 at 8:19am

Patty - Sorry, that last post had an unfinished thought. I meant to say that finding a safe place...certainly saved my sanity, and possibly my life.

Chuck

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on April 28, 2018 at 8:03am

Dear Patty,

I am so very sorry for your loss of your beloved husband. Three weeks is such a short time - I am thinking back to that point after I lost my Larry after 32 years, and remember feeling very much all the things you describe. I sadly did not have the comfort of finding this site until 6 months later. As you say, finding a safe and understanding place to pour out my heart without anyone judging, criticizing, or telling me to "get over it". I am glad you found this family -

Love, Chuck

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on April 28, 2018 at 7:04am

Dear Marsha,

Steve and I are sending our thoughts and prayers your way , and know how right you are about never forgetting our spouses - we never stop loving them with all our hearts. I apologize for being a day late in acknowledging your 7th anniversary of your loss of Ernie - yesterday Steve was scheduled for a medical procedure to take place quite early in the AM, and preparation for that began on Thursday (yes, that procedure) - and once we got home Friday we both were kind of worn out, so I never connected the date with my intentions to write you. I just this morning finally got onto my computer and started reading my emails. Everything went well for Steve, and he is fine thank God.

It is good that you keep yourself busy , and I am so sorry for the other stresses you are going through that I'm sure make this time more difficult for you. You have been, and continue to be such a constant and reliable source of support and compassion for everyone in this special family, and I feel justified in saying we all love you and are extremely grateful for all you do. 

God Bless You, and wishing you a peaceful weekend -

Love, Chuck

Comment by Patricia Huett on April 28, 2018 at 2:43am
Mary Jane,
Thank you so much for your kind words and you are right I think I have come to a safe and welcoming place. I have received nothing but kindness and compassion toward me. That is so comforting at this time when I am so lost. I can't imagine it getting any better. The pain is so raw right now and I just feel like crawling into a hole most of the time. You don't understand how you help people by just listening and saying kind things to them. This is true in our everyday lives, we do not know what is going on with the person next to us at the bank or wherever and a kind word could make their day brighter! Again, Thank you for welcoming me to this safe haven.
Your sister
Patty
Comment by Mary. Jane on April 28, 2018 at 12:14am

Ok, kids, I am curious about what is going on on our Facebook page..so I think I will visit there tomorrow and see what broken hearted people can possibly receive from that site. I will have to rejoin...but curiosity makes me want to see..so I will let y’all know.

In my mind, Facebook in general is a very creepy,public place, where everyone knows your business, and other personal information...and I am curious to see how they can possibly pour out their pain and loss on such a public forum. I quit after a few visits, as I DIDN,t like the idea of our pictures being posted for all to see...as I never authorized that..maybe I am wrong...and maybe there are people there who aren’t comfortable with that either..and maybe they don,t know what a wonderful place THIS is.

the last week along with being sick, each morning I wake up I feel enormously sad. I am starting to remember my dreams, and I wake up with an enormous sense of loss, as as soon as I open my eyes,I realize BOb is really gone, and never returning and I figure what is the point of getting out of bed? I am remembering each morning that he isn,t lying next to me, and I dream of our former life together,but when I wake up even tho he is in my dreams now, it was almost better than when I actually thought my life was a dream, and when I woke up he would be there.

but the worst part is I am so afraid of life I am frozen and can only manage to sit And wait for the day to end...and each day is a repeat of the previous, where I am sure that if I am not vigilant,I will be unable to protect my loved ones from dying. I couldn’t stop Bobs death,so how Can I stop anyone else from dying? So that is what my life has become..I am merely nothing but a bundle of terror, powerless to stop the train of fear that has become my life.

Thanks for understanding. 

 

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