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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1371
Latest Conversations: 2 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Sara Murphy on May 5, 2018 at 9:57pm

Patricia....It's best to come here, to the bereaved spouses comments wall.   We're all in different time zones so there's usually someone checking in at various times during the day.  It took me a little time to get comfortable navigating as well.  Keep in mind, your brain is mush so early on in the grieving process.   It's so hard to focus on anything so doing something new can be overwhelming.

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 5, 2018 at 9:55pm

Patricia..once u get the hang of posting here..you will be fine. I had a very hard time when I first got here..cuz I was reading other pages, and wanted to comment to the post ON THE PAGE IT WAS WRITTEN ON....but you can!t do that. I dunno why, but this site is set up so we all post on page 1 even if you want to post a reply to something you read on page 3...your reply has to go “in a row” so to speak...so just go to page one, write what u want, then hit comment.  If your comment has even one tiny swear word you won,t be able to post it until you find that word and change it. Even the word dam with an n on it won,t post.

so if you are posting a response to something you read on a different page, just refer to it when you post on page one.  I wish u luck. You can also do private posts but I am not good at that, so I just post in the box and hit comment. Good luck!

Comment by Patricia Huett on May 5, 2018 at 7:23pm
Mary Jane,

It seems hard to navigate this site, you are not sure if you go to comments or discussions. I know I want to post here, just not sure where to go, I'm having a real hard time right now.
Comment by Mary. Jane on May 5, 2018 at 5:32pm

Hmmmm, I just tried posting something, and it wouldn,t post. Maybe I have crossed a line here? If so, I am sorry. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 5, 2018 at 5:30pm

Test post

Comment by Marsha H on May 5, 2018 at 3:24pm

Mary Jane ...  You tried your best, but it appears so many are hooked on Facebook even though their privacy isn't so private.  I, myself had left a link that Facebook is in trouble with the law and one was a privacy issue, but that being said, no one seems to care and come to a more safe place.  As disagreed in the first place going to Facebook, but no one seems to listen.  Voice in the wind.

I thank you for trying my friend and perhaps out of the blue some may just get it and come here.

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 5, 2018 at 10:59am

I have spent a bit of time on the Facebook pages...posting a bit..and begging people to come here and look around..but I guess no one has. Maybe they just don,t want to get into such depth of emotion as we have here, or else they are just more comfortable with something they know...to me, there are SO MANY people in new and raw grief there, it is almost overwhelming for me. So much sadness...grief, guilt, and all the other emotions that come with the loss of our loved one...it is almost too much...like a multitude of  GRIEF on STEROIDS. Now I wish I hadn’t gone there first thing in the morning, as it has set the tone of my whole day.

This is a much kinder, gentler place..thanks to everyone here...but in a lot of the posts I read there, I got the feeling that some of the people wanted to say so much more... but didn’t or couldn’t. 

Oh well..I tried. Have a good day, kids.

Comment by Marsha H on May 3, 2018 at 4:04pm

Mary Jane ...  Very sorry I haven't responded to your post before now, but my server was out as was my cable.

I so happy that tornado didn't touch down and I'd be freaking out.  Thankfully where I live we don't have them, but we can have very high winds that scare me half to death because I have huge cedar trees behind my house.  If one high branch cuts loose it's like a mid-sized tree falling.

I know what you mean about your grief support at the church.  I managed to stick it out a year, but like you there were other people there who had had loved ones pass other than their spouses.  I know grief is grief, but I think it should be separated instead of being in one big group.  That to me is a red flag they don't understand the different ways people grieve.  There is also a Hospice Grief Group, but my suggestion to you would be to go 4 - 5 time to a grief psychologist on a one-to-one basis.  I hope your medical covers it and if not I know that I only needed 5 sessions enough to get my balance dealing with grief.  

Glad you are still with us after that tornado and didn't pull of a 'Wizard of Oz.'  I hear you about your cat and not going to the shelter without him and I'd be the same way with my dogs.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 3, 2018 at 10:48am

Hi Sara! I know exactly what you mean about the people and the facilitators..they mean well, but they did sound rehearsed and they have a workbook agenda which they refer to and it is all very nice..but I am way past the parts they discussed. It was kind of funny...cuz the entire  time I wanted to jump up and take control over the room, and ask each person what is the thing that is bothering you the most at this stage of your grief..( I am NOT a SHY person, lol) 

It is 13 weeks long, and I will give it one more week, out of courtesy for my friend who went with me and encouraged me to try it..which is an amazingly kind thing to do. 

Yes, the tornados DIDN,t touch down here..but last year one missed my street by 1/2 a mile. I HATE this time of year..my biggest fear is being able to catch my beloved kitty b4 one hits, and we can’t make it into the shelter,cuz I won,t get into it without him.

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 3, 2018 at 9:08am

Mary Jane....I hope nothing came of the tornado warning.

I did the same grief share group at the Baptist church about 2 months after losing Ken.  Like you, I felt it wasn't a good fit.  There weren't a lot of people, maybe about 10, and only 1 of them had lost a spouse.  The group including the organizers couldn't really understand me and I would get frustrated by their clichéd comments.  The only person would did understand was the man who lost his wife.   I could see him nodding his head in agreement and replying to my comments with understanding as I did with him.  I myself didn't make any connections that were helpful.  I hope you have better luck.

 

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