Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 16. 4 Replies

New Member

Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2, 2018. 5 Replies

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Comment by Steve on January 16, 2018 at 4:16pm

Dear friends,

I may have posted this before so please forgive me for repeating.  I find that it is comforting and haunting at the same time...much how I feel most days

“When I think of death, and of late the idea has come with alarming frequency, I seem at peace with the idea that a day will dawn when I will no longer be among those living in the valley of strange humors.
I can accept the idea of my own demise but I am unable to accept the death of anyone else. I find it impossible to let a friend or relative go into that country of no return.
Disbelief becomes my close companion, and anger follows in its wake. I answer the heroic question ‘Death, where is thy sting?’ with ‘it is here in my heart and mind and memories’.”

By Maya Angelou

Comment by Marsha H on January 16, 2018 at 3:54pm

Chicago Beard ...  I am so sorry to hear you lost a good friend today.  It never gets easy and we are at the age where it's going to happen more often.  I have 2 girlfriends who have serious health issues and it's touch and go.  I hope your friend does come to this site to feel more like he is not alone.  This site kept me going when I was going to give up and I've never forgotten all the help I received.  It made me feel less alone in my grief.

Comment by Chicago Beard on January 16, 2018 at 3:20pm

Lost a good friend today. We had been performing in a band together for a couple of years. Gave her husband the url for this site. Hope he uses it and it helps him as much as this site helped me.

Comment by Marsha H on January 16, 2018 at 3:15pm

Dear Deborah ....  I am so very sorry to hear about the tragedy of your friend.  Losing a child is bad enough and I can see why your friend and her husband stuck so close together after their daughter's death and now so sadly she has had her husband pass away.  All you can do is be there when you can and give her a hug.  Words don't have to be spoken.  You do have something in common as far as grieving for your spouses.  When the time is right perhaps suggest one-on-one grief counseling for your friend.  Hospices offer some wonderful grief counseling.  I know also that grief is a lonely journey all of us must take in 'our time frame' and it leaves us frustrated when someone else we know is going through the same thing.  Just do what you can and if need be cry together.

I just said a prayer and I'm going my Bible Study meeting this Thursday and will add both of you into our group prayer.

Comment by deborah peck on January 16, 2018 at 10:53am

My dear childhood friends husband died suddenly yesterday, we were all together all the time, prayeers are needed for her, her daughter died 5 years ago and she has become a recluse with her husband doing all the shopping and everything, don't know how she will get thru this horrible time and don't know if I'm able to help her

Comment by Mary. Jane on January 13, 2018 at 10:45pm

Ok, the only family I have here in OK is Bobs sister, her daughter and hubby, and 3 grown kids...and my niece calls me if she doesn,t hear from me in a few SIL calls when it occurs to her, as she is getting. Little senile...I call my niece if I need her to drive me somewhere, as I DO NOT KNow how to drive ...but in reality, I think they are afraid to call, cuz they don,t want to catch me in a depressed  mood, as they don,t know what to say. 

I think the loss of words, or fear of us “unloading” on them, so to speak, prevents contact..but I could be wrong. I imagine they think we should “be over it” by now...and if not, the fear of us NOT being “over it” prevents a lot

Now, my daughter, who lives in CA, calls me several times a day..bless her heart..and visits as frequently as she can...and wants to pack me up ASAP and move back to CA, but I just CAN’T seem to do it. I am frozen here..afraid of moving, and I know time is just slipping by...and thankfully I have two women who started out as neighbors, and morphed into very close friends, who  go out of their way to take me to Dr appts, and to get groceries...they have been a Godsend..

but if we really think about we REALLY want to talk to these friends and relatives frequently? I don,t. I am afraid I will seem like the POOR ME person, I imagine them diliberately not answering the phone.. and I don,t want their pity. I would rather contact them on MY terms. 

Comment by Sara Murphy on January 13, 2018 at 9:48pm

Debbie.......You're right, family and friends stop checking on us within a few months.  I think maybe they see us going through the motions to get through a day and assume that means we're ok.  They would be wrong.

Comment by deborah peck on January 13, 2018 at 5:57pm

The dates are so hard, yesterday was 8 months since I last held Greg and its so hard, its also so sad that most of my family doesn't check on my girls  or me anymore, I guess the don't realize the pain has no time limit and we are still just existing

Comment by Marsha H on January 13, 2018 at 3:57pm

Michele ...  Don't give up because one day you will get a visitation from your husband.  He is near you for sure even though you may not hear him or see him.  I have experienced so many things since my beloved Ernie passed away.  

Also, if you have a pet watch the pet.  Animals do see or hear what we can't.  I have 2 small dogs and sometimes they'll be playing and suddenly stop, look at a certain spot and wag their tails and I know Ernie is there then.  I also talk to Ernie every done in my home or in the car at times.  Keeping in contact that way is more apt to help you have a visitation.

From books I've read on people who pass away they say that depending on how ill the person is it takes time for them to rejuvenate themselves before visiting their loved ones.

Comment by Marsha H on January 13, 2018 at 3:53pm

David ... that was such a beautiful story you told and thank you for sharing as it certainly gives us all hope.


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