Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1376
Latest Conversations: Jul 6

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Linda Price on August 4, 2018 at 12:25pm

Comment by Linda Price on Saturday 

I have been reading some of the comments and have really been touched. I lost my wonderful husband of 24  years on June 20 this year. He had IPF a fibrotic lung disease which slowly destroyed his breathing ability. The day he passed was strange but he said he was so tired of trying to breathe even with the extra help. He said he felt different. He wanted to make it to his 77th birthday, that was the day he went to the ER in the ambulance. I felt numb those few days before. I was busy helping him and the nurses. Our deacon Bill, prayed all morning Sunday, and then our priest gave him the Annointing of the Sick. He was awake all those days before he passed. He and the family decided to go Care and Comfort with Hospice. We told him we loved him and it was ok to go I would be alright. I was alone with him when I looked over at his face, and he had stopped breathing and was gone. Every day he said he loved me and was sorry I had to work so hard caring for him. I told him I loved him like had never loved anyone. We watched ROKU a lot and had family and friends over talked on the phone.This sharing site has helped me already.

Comment by deborah peck on August 4, 2018 at 12:00pm

Mary Jane, I hope you have such a good time while you are there

Comment by Chicago Beard on August 3, 2018 at 11:36pm

Mary Jane

If you are in Lake Tahoe (one of Rose and mines favorite places) you are a 12 hour drive. Enjoy the wedding and the peacefulness of the lake. Don't lose too much in the casinos.

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 3, 2018 at 9:26am

Hi guys..omg, I a, so tired..I am in Lake Tahoe. It is so pretty here...we are doing a wedding for my daughter sister in law. I am right on the lake. I a, sorry I have ,t responded to anyone, except I was up for almost 24 hours yesterday, flying here, then driving for 8 hours...the smoke from the Redding fires was all around us, even thos we were a long way from the fire. 

I have to go now, it is 7 ca time...and we r driving to get flowers for the wedding. So I will try to respond. Beard...I think u r more southern in location, otherwise I would invite u. Ok bye everyone TTUL

Comment by Chicago Beard on August 1, 2018 at 11:03pm

Mary Jane Where in California? I live about 60 miles East of LA.

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 1, 2018 at 9:26pm

Thank you everyone. Tomorrow I am flying to CA...I am so I better get some sleep. My ride is at 5 an. EEK. 

I will be in touch  tho.  Byeeeee

Comment by Trina Mamoon on August 1, 2018 at 5:01pm

Dear Marsha, Sara, and DJ,

Thank you so very much for taking the time to reply to me with words of comfort and solace. It's the generosity of spirit of people like you on this site that helps to ease the pain of so many of us who come here looking for empathy and emotional support. It takes a special person to resonate to the pain of others and respond with compassion and understanding.

This forum has been my place of refuge as I know it is for countless many others here. I know I can come here in my darkest hour and find a sympathic soul. So, again, thank you for your friendship and kindness. Prayers for peace and comfort for you too!

Sending all of you here thoughts of peace and solace as each of you battle your personal sorrow, loss, and pain.

Love, Trina

Comment by Steve G. on August 1, 2018 at 12:31pm

Mark used to ask me why I loved him so, I would reply “because you showed me how to love someone. Before I met you, I was just like a boat without a sail, wandering along with no purpose. When I met you, I noticed something different about you, a feeling that I could not ignore. Over the years that we have been together, you and I treat each other with respect, honesty and most of all we show our love for each other in so many small ways to numerous to count.” He would smile so big that I swear his face lit up, shaking his head and say, “still after all this time I never imagined meeting someone like you”.
This conversation was a few months before he passed away. Mark’s illness was genetic and progressive, he knew it and so did I. He was worried and depressed sometimes because he could not work and help-out around the house with finances. He could take care of himself and would cook, clean and walk Bella. It was having to deal with the seizures that depressed him and scared him the most. I tried not to hide my horror when these happened because it would worry him so and he hated that I had to work and take care of him, he used to be a very independent and very intelligent man. Any job he had he always excelled and advanced, nothing was impossible for him. I guess having to watch him change over the years affected both of us, never our love for each other. Watching him take his last breath was not something, at least for me, was I prepared for. Looking back at that moment in time to this day haunts my memories and my dreams. Would I have wanted it any other way, I don’t know, it is what is, I still remember and always will.
This past month has been a little more difficult for me health wise and having to visit doctors and take new medications is not a way to cheer one up, feeling low for any reason just brings back all the memories from the past including the ones during raw grief. Knowing this and writing about them helps me and I know that I will keep moving forward, to not do so would be something that I know Mark would not want me to do. Thanks for letting me vent dear family.
Hugs to all

Comment by deborah peck on August 1, 2018 at 9:26am

Mary Jane, I know your Bob was aware of how good of care you gave him , One time after Greg had his stroke we were sitting on the loveseat watching tv in our usual position with me with my feet and legs on his lap, we always sat there instead of the couch, it was more snuggely, anyway he looked at me and said you take such good care of me, my response was of course, I love you so I know Bob was aware even if he couldnt vocalize it. years of love and support is what I truly think they remember. Love to you all and I pray it gets better for all of us as it seems like everyone is having a rough time, your friend Debbie

Comment by Sara Murphy on August 1, 2018 at 9:20am

Trina....I can see where July would be a bittersweet month for you.   July will always bring up the memories and feelings of Joseph's last days but you also have some beautiful memories.  That you got to sit with Joseph and express your love during that last month is something to treasure.  It's an opportunity I wish I had.  I do take some comfort knowing that Ken and I told each other several times a day that we loved each other for the 26 years we were married so I know without a doubt he knew how loved he was.  I just wish I had the opportunity to say good-bye or "til we meet again" but his passing was unexpected despite how sick he was.  I'll be thinking of you and praying for solace on Aug 4th.



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