Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1372
Latest Conversations: 3 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Sara Murphy on April 26, 2018 at 9:44pm

Marsha.....Thinking of you on this 7th anniversary of Ernie's passing.   It's funny how time goes by so fast and crawls at the same time.  I hope you have a nice chat with Ernie and that somehow he lets you know he's there.

I'm sorry you're being inundated with bad news.  If you need to talk or vent about any of it, we're here to listen or feel free to send me a private message.

Comment by Sara Murphy on April 26, 2018 at 9:33pm

Deb.....Please don't be concerned about posting.  What you call craziness I guarantee we all feel and understand so please use us as a source of comfort and strength.  I wouldn't have made it this far if not for my Legacy family.  The folks I've connected with on this site are the only ones who truly understand all aspects of this loss. 

Comment by Marsha H on April 26, 2018 at 3:35pm

Dear Sara ...  I am so very sorry about your father and I hope things improve and also your sister.  No one wants to be at a hospital or worry over a loved one, but it does show us how much stronger we have become.  I had to have a surgery shortly after Ernie's passing and at the same hospital in some of the same areas and I admit it was difficult for me.  At my age in my 70's I am inundated with much bad news regarding friends and what I do when I feel over-whelmed is go for a peaceful walk and walk all the negativity away.  It does work.  I'm praying for you Sara and so proud of you for going through this.

Comment by Marsha H on April 26, 2018 at 3:31pm

Mary Jane ...  I have noticed this site has been very quiet as well and that's rather sad.  It appears some members feel Facebook is the best way to go.  I guess I'm a creature of habit because Legacy saved my life many times over.

It's not strange at all to feel stressful when things don't go right no matter how small the problem is.  When we had our spouses around they could fix the things we now have to try and fix or, we have to hire someone which can be costly.  I get stressed out when my routine is rocked unexpectedly and I think it's normal.  I have had a lot of sad things going on in my life and just yesterday realized I hadn't turned in my personal income tax and I've never done that, but hurried through it and got it to my CGA.  Whew!  All of us have a lot on our minds and especially for widows we have to be so careful we aren't taken advantage of by companies offering this or that or if we have to call a repair man in.  Google and reviews have been my best friend for the last 5 years.  This way I feel I'm getting the best cost for what I need done, but when it is done I realize just how complicated my life has gotten and I'm exhausted over it.

You made the right decision by using the antenna and accepting that.  I try my best to look for the easier way out and live a less complicated life.  I am proud of you and you're doing much better than you think.

Just a bit of information, but it's becoming much more popular here in Canada, where some people are getting away from Facebook and other sites similar, not texting anymore and realizing just what life they are missing and amazed that their life has become much less problematic.  Call me old fashion, but like Chuck, I often stick to the old fashion ways although I can keep up with technology if I want to, but resist it as much as possible.

I hope today is a much better day for you.

Comment by Marsha H on April 26, 2018 at 3:20pm

Dear Deb ...  By no means do any of us think for a minute you are ever talking craziness.  Those who still check into Legacy are here for you and we do understand how you feel.

April 27th will be the 7th Anniversary of Ernie's passing.  At times it feels like those years have crawled by and other times I feel they have gone by so quickly.  Although I have my own life to a degree I don't feel fulfilled at all and I often wonder why the heck I'm still here.  I'm retired, no children, two dogs (my angels keep me going) and I am proud of myself for doing the best I can over those 7 years, but have to admit I feel disappointed I haven't fulfilled what I had hoped in these 7 years.  Now I have an attitude of 'whatever' and just try to keep busy.  I miss Ernie now as much as I missed him the day he passed away.  It may sound crazy, but on the day of the anniversary of his death I take time out in the privacy of my home and just talk to him as if he were here.  May I suggest Deborah one thing you could do is buy a helium balloon and write love messages on it and take the balloon to a favorite place you and your husband had and let it fly to the heavens.  It helps!  I have done that for all those years myself.

Please feel free to come back here as someone will be hear to listen to you.  I don't care for Facebook either and find Legacy a safer haven.

Comment by deborah peck on April 26, 2018 at 10:05am

I too check on here daily to see if anyone has posted anything, Ive been in a bad place with May coming up and I too don't want to upset anyone by posting my craziness, but I do like reading other post and trying to help. I looked into this on Facebook and just don't care for it, this seems more personal to me

Comment by deborah peck on April 26, 2018 at 10:02am

Mary Jane, I think any little worry is turned totally out of control in our minds right now, I have to talk myself "down" from the crazy worries in my head sometimes, it just gets overwhelming sometimes.

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on April 26, 2018 at 8:25am

Dear Mary Jane,

It is so understandable that disruptions to your routine would send you on an emotional spiral - I share that with you, and still don't like "surprises" of good or bad things that were unexpected. Maybe this is some rebelling against not having control over Larry's illness and passing, although I have always been a bit reliant on following routines to keep me calm. I'm sure there's a diagnosis for this, but can't be bothered with all that at this point in my life. I just let people around me roll their eyes and shake their heads when I insist upon doing things the way I have always done them, even when modern technologies and advanced products make my ways look like some museum display of how people lived in "the old days"!

I know all this makes your sickness level rise, and I am so sorry for that. I know you will get through this, and I believe that Bob, like all of us here, is proud of every triumph you have over these set backs. They are not small, of silly, and I'm glad you continue to speak of them here with this family - this is the place for us all where such matters are understood well, and where you don't need to worry about bumming anyone out - we're all in the same boat on that account.

God bless, and be well -

Love, Chuck 

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on April 26, 2018 at 8:11am

Dear Sara,

I am sorry to hear of your father's declining health. That, and taking your sister to the hospital can indeed create a huge amount of stress. I do hope your sister will be alright, and will pray for her and your father. i understand your feelings about hospitals - since last month we have had several  occasions to visit hospitals or medical complexes, with another visit tomorrow. like you, I wish I never had to be in that environment because of the memories it stirs of Larry's treatments, as well as my own hospitalizations at the same time back in 2015. 

I know that God has a reason for you being here, and your assisting your family with their health issues is undoubtedly a part of that. I feel confident that, being the compassionate soul I know you to be, you touch many lives with a positive and healing effect in your daily life, never knowing the ways God has worked through you. I guess if that is our reason for remaining behind, well we could do a lot worse, right?

God bless you, and be well -

Love, Chuck

Comment by Sara Murphy on April 25, 2018 at 9:45pm

Mary Jane....I too worry about all the house stuff that I never thought twice about.   It's not stupid for you to stress about your direct tv box dying.  For me, I don't have children so I have somewhat of a mental list of who I would call for help with car issues, electronic issues, plumbing etc.  This was all Ken's domain and now I have to deal with everything and it's stressful. 

Currently my stress is related to my father's health declining.  He was in the hospital last weekend then on Monday night/Tues morning at 3am, I had to take one of my sisters to the hospital.  I really never wanted to step foot in a hospital again after all Ken and I had been through but at least I didn't have to go to Mass General.  That would be tough.

Wishing you all a peaceful night.



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