Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum


Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on October 4, 2018 at 9:32pm

Ok, kids this is a very strange question...but in my world..TODAY has been extra WEIRD! Ya know those days when everything seems out of place, or everything seems to go wrong? Well,for me, today was one of the strangest days ever...

i know this has nothing to do with grief..or maybe it I am not the same person I was before BOb died. I don,t have the focus, or the ability to weather the small stuff...I spoke to my SIL, and she said the day had been weird for her, too..and I was just wondering  if I was loosing what brain cells I might still have, or did anyone else experience anything out of the ordinary.. or what stands for ordinary since our loved one died?

i have a lot of strange days...but I am also MORE STRESSED than I have ever been...even more so than when Bob died. I am trying to downsize, pack and donate...purge, and have contacted a realtor and been approved as a great person to loan money for a house.

it is all happening WAAAY too fast. I am NOT ready!!  My daughter will be here tomorrow night, for 6 purge,pack or toss...and she even mentioned that I should talk to a realtor HERE! I am in a state of absolute TERROR!! I can,t have a realtor come here...  I haven,t cleaned my oven in 3 years, the carpet is filthy, and the guy who approved a loan for me is a moron. I am serious...when he checked my credit, he said my mortgage wasn,t on Experian..was it paid off? and I should call my lender to see . ARE U KIDDING?  He actually wanted me to call the bank and see if Bob had mortgage insurance.I asked him why he DIDN,t check with the other credit companies...but he said he only uses this one. OMG! So I checked and of COURSE my mortgage loan was there I don,t think I want a loan from this company..all I wanted was a paper I could show to sellers what good  credit I had. I am so scared. 

My life was fine, ..and then Bob died, but I got through that, and now I am expected to change what is left of my life DRAMATICALLY...and it is just too much. This all started  when I updated my IPad...and everything was different and wrong...then I started getting spam and phishing emails today, and on and on. Little things, but I just want to crawl into bed, shut my eyes and have it be over. 

Thanks for letting me vent. The only thing keeping me sane is my kitty, and I am so terrified of him dying, I follow him around the house all day. (I am not kidding)

Oh yeah..and Apple changed the keypad on my device and I keep hitting the wrong buttons..ok that one is funny. Bye Y,all.

Comment by deborah peck on October 4, 2018 at 10:35am

I cant watch anything that involves a spouse dying, its just too hard and I end up crying

Comment by Mary. Jane on October 4, 2018 at 9:42am

I have sort of “seen” it, but really didn’t pay much attention. The first thing that I didn’t like was everyone was filthy rich...or seemed to be. I also found it to be they jump from person to,person..and I have trouble focusing ..and it seems to me to me that the scenes are so DARK...not emotionally, but the brightness of the filming, which adds to the confusion of who each person is. But honestly, I really DIDN,t pay that much attention, as I tend to stay away from emotional dramas such as that...I have enough drama in my personal life, so  I lean towards good comedies..but, Jeanette..I would give it a try...especially if you have had such a personal connection with suicide attempts.

As for your lawyer..he sounds weird and incompetent, and greedy.

If your husband left a will, that, in itself, should be iron clad. In Oklahoma, you can just write a will on paper..(it must be hand written, an original copy, have it signed by two witnesses, and notarized.) It was perfect when I needed it to prove heirship...and had no problems when I to submitted  it to a government agency in California..

Comment by Sheri Dettman on October 4, 2018 at 9:28am

Sara, I've been watching A Million Little Things. I enjoyed it, but my situation doesn't involve suicide. I will say that in watching Grey's Anatomy, and several other shows where there is death, I felt like it actually helped me rather than made me feel worse.

Comment by Jeanette McSherry on October 4, 2018 at 9:20am

I hope to watch A million little things soon.  One of my best friends lost a young grandson to suicide. She is a strong, strong woman, but after dealing with my own grief (one pinky finger worth) I can see she boxes it up inside and files it away. I can recognize the coping mechanism. We have had several young children and teens commit suicide who belong or are related to our church family and my minister turned to God when he was at that crossroads. If you ever have a chance to listen to Pastor Elliot Osowitz speak - it is worth hearing his story. Elliot is Jewish, One night he went to a motel to kill himself. He didn't want a family member to find him. But something pointed him towards the nightstand within which he found a Gideon Bible. The Lord ministered to him that night and saved his life and his soul. He now travels extensively as an evangelist for the Gideon Society. I was honored to have this man as my pastor. And while I also love my new pastor - and my Texas pastors - Elliot holds a position in my heart of someone I can always turn to - someone I trust and respect.

Several years ago my daughter attempted suicide twice. The first time was due to slitting her wrist (the effective way) and ending up in the hospital and an addiction institution. (she wasn't addicted to alcohol or drugs). Many people don't realize this institutions also treat dual diagnoses. The second time she was found in time but her twin sister and husband were about ready to each lose their jobs over the effect all of this was having on them so I offered to take her to North Carolina. I found a good psychiatrist but he said he couldn't see her for several months. I got down on my knees in his office and cried. I told him she'd be dead in a week if he didn't see her. He had compassion on me. Only God gets the glory for the next several months. When I was at my wits end and experience wasn't cutting it - his voice told me how and where to take each step. It was clearly the most difficult period of my life. Even now, after numerous health crises and the loss of my husband - that year stands out as my year of testing and tribulation. 

I know there are many members here who are at that threshold. You just don't know how you can take your next breath without your soulmate. Life seems bleak. All I can recommend is to let the Holy Spirit fill up those empty places within you. Allow God to direct the next steps of your journey and Jesus to take your hand. Walk alongside him and through his powers of creation you will be walking beside your loved one once again.

Comment by Steve G. on October 4, 2018 at 8:52am


The new show is actually called "a million little things" and much like the show "this is us" deals with grief on a much different level.  I found it so far to be worth watching, it is showing another type of grief and that I have never considered.  Until recently, I had only known one person in my life that dealt with suicide, a cousin of mine whose husband felt it necessary after they had separated.  She does not like to talk about it.  Recently, a new member of our small church here in Dallas, we have someone that just lost his niece to suicide and he is suffering greatly,  I feel helpless at times, but mostly I make myself available to just sit down and listen to him.  He does come to our Bible study and he starting to open up a little more.

I find this new show, thus far, being presented almost as a learning tool for all of us...time will tell.

Comment by Marsha H on October 4, 2018 at 6:35am

Jeanette ...  Even though I live in Canada our laws are similar.  Since you husband left a Will (the Estate) it should be pretty simple and you would be left whatever your husband (and you) had.  Ernie left me a Will and it was plain and simple and I didn't need a lawyer.  Of course I don't know if your husband left everything to you, but I assuming so.  I suggest you get some help from your banking institution.  I didn't need a lawyer at all.  Everything went to me.  Your Attorney doesn't seem to have it together so if you feel you need one fire the one you have and ask family or friends if they have used a good Attorney.  If not then you can request one from the Bar Assoc.  I wish you luck and if you have any other issues please post them.  Also, when an Attorney bills you it should be completely itemized as to what you are paying for.  



Comment by Michael Smith on October 4, 2018 at 6:02am


When I saw the first commercial I said there is know way I could watch that show. I think it would stir up so many painful memories. 

Comment by Sara Murphy on October 3, 2018 at 8:52pm

Has anyone been brave enough to watch that new show, A Million Little Reasons (or something like that)?   Just the commercials is upsetting to me. 

Comment by Steve G. on October 2, 2018 at 7:58am

I have no experience with estate attorney's, however, in my world if I hire someone, I can fire them.  A friend of mine who was in the hospital years and years ago, fired his doctor based on the fact that he had been in the hospital and of course they asked him who his doctor was.  Days went by before his doctor even showed up to check on him, with an apology stating that he was very busy with other patients and had to prioritize them all including him.  I happened to be in the room when my friend told the doctor that he was fired.  The look on his face and the statement "you cannot fire me" lit a fuse to say the least.  The head nurse asked the doctor to leave and assured my friend that the hospital would assign a different doctor for him...

I do not know the ins and outs of estate attorneys and I would think that getting a 2nd opinion from a different attorney would be the same as getting a 2nd opinion from a doctor.


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