Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1376
Latest Conversations: Jul 6

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

Comment Wall


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Comment by Mary. Jane on July 2, 2018 at 3:27pm

I AM FINE!!!!  No cancer...thank u all so’s naptime..back much later.

Comment by Sara Murphy on July 2, 2018 at 2:30pm

Mary Jane...I'm thinking about you and praying for the best outcome.  I'm sorry the prep has made you so sick.  I hope you're feeling better by the time you check back in with us

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 2, 2018 at 10:19am

In 2 hrs I leave for my colonoscopy. I have never been sicker in my life..they gave me WAAAAY too much prep and pills, and not to be graphic, but still haven,t stopped. I called the drs ofc to make sure I could still come in and she said yes, it is common so I am going. I started the prep at 2 is now 10am. I have done this b4 and it was NEVER EVER like this. I am also dehydrated but can,t have water...I can barely get into the it is almost 100  degrees today. I am so very weak.

Comment by Steve G. on July 2, 2018 at 9:31am

Dear Marsha,

It was difficult for me yesterday, I was moved to do this last month.  Something I had been thinking about for a long time and when I saw the ad on FB it hit me...Mark was telling me he wanted it.  Sounds silly to some, but not to us on this site.  I had the Urn sitting in the dinning room for over a week and bought the big planter a few days ago.  As usual I put it on my procrastination list of things to do.  Yesterday at church, the message was about the word 'Now' and how we all procrastinate...about a lot more things than tasks etc...for our discussion here I won't go into to the theological parts of the message.  However, I did google the word now as to how many times it is used in the KJB...1335 times.   That was all I needed to get off my couch and get started.  I shudder to think how many missed opportunities I have missed out on because of my procrastination.  Mark and the forces of this wonderful universe push me along into unknown territory now more than ever.  If I am thinking of someone, I do not put it off.  Thanks to the wonderful world of technology I can call, text or message that person.  Sometimes all they need is a hello...

I think dear sister that you are too humble about yourself...your calling was to this site.  I see the progress each one of us faces thanks to everyone on this site, but for me, I have you personally to thank.  You were the first one to immediately reach out to me.  And I continue to see you reach out to everyone, putting aside your own grief, anger, hurt and loneliness to help others.  I am most blessed to have you in my life.

your brother


Comment by Marsha H on July 2, 2018 at 4:43am

Stephanie H ...  Thank you so much for that link and how much peace and joy our deceased loved ones are having.  I have been researching for along time about life after death and have learned a great deal.  Many people don't realize that in some hospitals they do actually study those that are terminal and passing away.

Here is an example I would like to share with you and my family.

I am in my mid-70's, but people think I'm 65 because I have lots of energy and blessed with good genes, yet I still can't find my calling and what it is I should be doing.  I get lonely and now it's the loneliness that is gripping me more often.  It is not easy to watch your family members or friends become ill or pass away and I know it's more common when we age.  Of course this only makes you think of your own mortality.  On Saturday I was feeling so lonely and was crying because of it.  I spoke to Ernie and God as well and said out loud, 'where are my so-called friends from Bible Study that said they would keep in touch because all of us are family?'  I grew very angry over it.  I woke up Sunday morning and as I had my tea checked my emails and was shocked to see an email from one of the ladies from Bible Study (a widow as well) inviting me out for a coffee this Thursday.  I have had many of these experiences and yes, even sensed Ernie around me.  It gives me peace and doesn't make me feel so lonely at times.  I hope others can experience such things to prove our spouses are no longer earth-bound, but their spirits do come and visit every so often and watch over us.



Comment by Marsha H on July 2, 2018 at 4:18am

Dear Patricia ...  I am so thankful you are OK.  Remember in your darkest hours someone is here to talk with.  I realized through my own grief that I preferred peace and quiet and to sit and go over my memories with Ernie and other times I was energetic and got things done, keeping busy.  Grief is a sneaky little beast that allows us to have fairly good days and then hits you hard on other days.  This too shall come to a dull roar in your time frame.  It's been 7 years since Ernie passed away and I realize I'm much stronger than I thought, but like Diamond said a song can set me off and I either listen to it or shut it off.  I mostly listen because I believe it's our loved ones way of communicating with us.  

Hang in there my friend and remember, we're here for you at any given time.  You are in my prayers!



Comment by Marsha H on July 2, 2018 at 4:13am

Steve ...  What a wonderful and caring person your Mark was to leave his remains to science to help others.  That sounds from your description of Mark to the type of man he was ... wonderful with a beautiful soul.

I do love your idea of the tree and burying the urn under it.  Ernie wanted our ashes thrown into the Pitt River where his fondest memories were and I have that set up in my Will.  I prefer not to have a service either, but, if family and friends want to celebrate 'the great journey to the other side' I requested they go to a lovely Pub over-looking the Pitt River and having a drink on me.  As I always said to my family and friends, 'treat me well when I'm alive and don't have any regrets when I die.'

Thank you so much for sharing this with us as I know it wasn't an easy task for you.



Comment by Marsha H on July 2, 2018 at 4:06am

Sara ...  my condolences on the loss of a good friend.  You are also a good friend to Todd and I too hope he comes to Legacy as I know it will help him greatly.

I have to agree with you I am alarmed at how many younger people are passing away.  At my age it's to be expected and I have faced it one too many times and no matter how old we are one never gets use to losing a family member or a good friend.  

My prayers are with you and Todd.


Comment by Sara Murphy on July 1, 2018 at 5:03pm

Steve....I love the idea of this living urn.  I'm going to look it up.  Thanks for sharing the info.

Comment by Sara Murphy on July 1, 2018 at 3:32pm

Friends......I'm sorry, I haven't been on for a few days so I need to catch up on my reading.  Today is such a sad day....another friend lost and again so young.   I believe the count is now 4 in this friend circle.  Ken was an usher in her wedding.  I don't understand what's happening.  My parents and friends parents lived into their 70's and 80's, some even 90's but my generation can't seem to make it out of their 50's.  In fact, Ken was the oldest at 52!   Given this trend, I'm not so sure I'll make it out of my 50's.

Anyway, Dorinda was such a beautiful soul. She was absolutely stunning in physical appearance but the beauty of her soul far outshined her appearance.  My heart breaks for Todd, her husband.  He loves her with every inch of his soul.  I'll be providing him with the website info here in the hopes he'll find the connections that we all have and the support we all know he needs.  He's now left to raise 2 relatively young boys, 13 & 17, amid his deep grief.  I know if he does chose to join, my Legacy family will welcome him with open arms.


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