Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Latest Conversations: Aug 21

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum


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Grief so great it hurts

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Comment by Marsha H on January 17, 2013 at 6:07pm

Glen ... thanks for that and I appreciate it.  Aha, words from a song.  I play around on the computer and listen to music as well and sometimes the words fit so well I have to shut it off because I start blubbering. 

I'm so happy you keep coming here and getting the support you need and I always tell newcomers that they have no idea how much they help us as well because often they don't realize it.

You take care also


Comment by Carol Kayser on January 17, 2013 at 1:41pm

Jen, thank you for posting that verse. I know what you mean. There are lots of posts and verses on other sites that express just that, so it truly is something that we come across all the time. I am so fortunate that no one has ever said those words to me. You are very right in that they are very hurtful, even if not intentionally. It is better to just not say anything in that case.
It's a slow and long process but sometimes we need to let some friends or acquaintances go that we aren't getting positive support from. I am in that process now actually. It isn't easy, but I feel why keep people in our lives that really "aren't there" and are not positive when we need them.


Comment by Carol Kayser on January 17, 2013 at 1:35pm

Mac - you're not alone, I have made my own sets of mistakes since losing my hubby.  Too many!  It's like I just buried my head in the sand and hoped it would all work out.  Now I am trying to sell my townhouse but the market where I live is in such a downturn, so I hang on, just hoping something positive will happen soon.

It is good to know you do get out and are able to connect with people a little.  We have to learn new things we thought we wouldn't do, but if does give you an outing then that is a good thing.

Take care,


Comment by Glen Harrison on January 17, 2013 at 9:56am

Carol, you're welcome. You know a tattoo isn't for everyone so I completely understand your fear. My wife and I talked so long about getting each others names tattooed that when she passed I had to do it. My only regret is I didn't do it sooner..before this.

Comment by Glen Harrison on January 17, 2013 at 9:53am

Marsha, I understand you not wanting to get a tattoo. The locket you wear for your husband will do just fine. Actually that wasn't a poem and it wasn't mine. That was a verse from a song called "one sweet day". I find myself listening to songs that either remind me of my wife or the situation. It makes me feel better. I'm glad I'm helping some of you because you guys are definitely helping me. Take care Marsha and have the best day possible...

Comment by Mac on January 17, 2013 at 9:00am

Hi Marsha, Thank you again for being here. And as far as these condos' most of these are in foreclosure, I have made one stupied mistake after the other since I lost my babe. He took care of everything. I do get the senior resourse bus to the center once a week and play bingo and have lunch thats the hilight of my week and bingo is never been on the top of my list of things to do but I am able to talk to someone, sometimes I get so depressed I thing about how easy it would be to just take my trazadone all of it and just go to sleep with my babe, but summer will be here soon and maybe someone will move in or I will move out. I told Glen I would love to have my babe on my arm too but I lost so much weight when he died it would have to be on the bone because I do not have any meat left. Hope you have a decent day. Jean

Comment by Mac on January 17, 2013 at 8:52am

Jeanette I too am sorry you are still hurting but pain does not have a set date to end. I lost my hubby in 2009 and I still have days where all I can do is cry. It is a struggle especially when friends say heart wrenching things that I try to tell myself they only mean well, I stated before thou that when my babe died I came down with leprsory all of a sudden and now I only have one that calls and visits me but you know I am probably better off because the statements that have been said after his death about ( getting over it) ( you have to move on) I could go on and on but I know everyone on here has heard the same thing. Funny thou they can say that and can't change that for you then they go home to their warm little homes with their spouse. hang in there I know the pain is horrific but we have o solution we just take one day at a time. Jean

Comment by Marsha H on January 17, 2013 at 3:26am

Glen ... You are so welcome regarding your tattoo. I would get one, but too old.  I'd have to have a big '0' tattooed on my chest and a 'W' on each arm (aka:  hello hellens ... they flap) so when I spread my arms and wave it would spell 'WOW!' 

I also loved the poem (did you write it?) which started out as 'Darling, I never showed you .. assumed you'd always be there' because life is on such a rapid course I know many of us have done that and taken our spouses for granted from time to time, but the eyes have it and just a glance when you are so in love your partner knows how much you love them without saying one word. 

I have a locket I wear with a picture of my husband and a lock of his hair.  I keep it close to my heart.  So tattoos are a wonderful thing in memory of your lovely wife.

Glen, without realizing it you help us all too because we can feel your strength and know how difficult it is for a young father to grieve for his young wife and on top of that raise children.  You are very strong and it's an honor to try and help you as you are helping us.



Comment by Marsha H on January 17, 2013 at 3:16am

Jessi ... you are such a sweetie and now you are part of our extended family who are angels on here.  They have lifted me up when I've fallen many times.  When I feel very low and start crying I come here to get encouragement and to read other posts so I feel less alone.  It's a pleasure to have you as part of the family.

Big hugs


Comment by Marsha H on January 17, 2013 at 3:12am

Jeanette ...  My deepest condolences in the loss of your husband.  All of us know the terrible pain you are going through grieving and we are all here to try and talk things out; pick you up when you are down and help you get through the rough raw grieving you are going through.  I wish I had the words to make you feel better, but we all know there are no words when we lose our spouses.  Grieving is a process that unfortunately we all have to go through and everyone is different.  You have come to a wonderful place where you can express your feelings from the heart and no one will judge you.  There are a few people on late on the forum as well in case you need to talk to someone. 

Please hang in there and when you feel low come to us because we'll be there for you hon. 

Big hugs (because you need them right now)




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