Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum


Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on January 16, 2013 at 3:34am

Stacey ...Thank you for welcoming me back and it's good to be back as I've missed all of you. It's normal to be afraid of making changes in your life when you are use to having your spouse helping you out and I am going through the same thing, but believe that you get stronger by doing it.  You will be just fine and don't think for one minute your spouse isn't with you no matter where you go.  Anticipation is so hard on all of us no matter if it's moving or getting tests for one's health.  Once settled you will make friends there and all will be well.  We're behind you on here and know that over-whelming feeling of making decisions in your life while feeling lonely. You won't be alone forever hon.



Comment by Marsha H on January 16, 2013 at 3:28am

Jerry ... I know it must have been a difficult day for you marking the 3rd anniversary of your wife's passing, but there are those memories and no matter if we are married a short time or a long while we are blessed with memories and I consider I learned so much from my husband 'the gentle giant' so patient and loving that I need to keep his memory alive and pass what I've learned off to others.

Even though it sounds crazy I bought at Valentine's card for my husband and I do this on very special occasions we had because as far as I'm concerned he is my one and only true love. 

There must be a plan for all of us in the future no matter what age we are even though at the present time we may not think so.  Miracles do happen and I always feel that we were all sent to Legacy (led) so we could all meet each other and grow strength from each other.  I've been thinking about that a lot lately.  I couldn't have kept going without all of you.  Thanks!



Comment by Carol Kayser on January 16, 2013 at 1:12am

Hello Frank, good to see you here.  I hope your days are getting a little easier, small steps, and you are feeling ok in general.  I think we all have a something that we wish worked better, whether it is sleep (I stay up way too late) but have no problem sleeping, sorry you do sometimes.  In fact I should say goodnight, I promised I wouldn't stay up so late tonight!




Comment by Carol Kayser on January 16, 2013 at 1:08am

Helen, just catching up with posts, and I would like to offer my sympathies to you on your loss.  My husband has been gone 28 months and I agree, it doesn't get a great deal easier.  I am sorry your sister and family are treating you the way they are.  When reading more comments and when I think about it, there is a sense of abandonment of friends and family for some of us.  I have a pretty small family of loving children and one sister and then my husband's family in California.  Friends though, not so much, mainly close friends at work, for which I am very grateful.  I work in the hospital where my husband passed away, they all knew him and took wonderful loving care of him and they love me, so it is easier to face the work day, but friends outside, not so much.  I have decided to find new friends! the challenge is on!  My girls helped me see that when they say things like "Mom, do you really want to be around someone like that"....that gets me to realize they aren't really a good friend, as I originally thought.  Oh your friends will help you through the early days but will be glad to move away, inch by inch, grateful it isn't them.  I've learned to not lean on them and try to just stick with family, my little granddaughter who brings me pure love, that's pretty much all I need now.

We (the larger We) are stronger than we think, I believe that.  I know that in support of my dear husband I try to hang in there, try to be strong and just be nice to strangers and animals....that's my credo:)

As an aside....I am from England, born there, my Dad is from Newcastle (Geordie)! I did visit Edinborough in my 20's but I haven't been back for such a long time.  It is definitely something I want to do - lots of relatives to visit!


Take care,


Comment by Carol Kayser on January 16, 2013 at 12:52am

Glen, just reading the posts and I am so sorry for the loss of your wife.  An unexpected death is sometimes more difficult to accept than one where the loved one had a disease and we knew they were leaving us, just not sure of when. 

You are  young, and there is a lot of life ahead of you, and you have your children, which are such a blessing.  A beautiful reminder of your wife, hug them lots!

I read a little about you had placed a picture, a shrine.  I have one too.  In fact I had a lot of pictures out but I am trying to move so I put quite a few away.  I do have one very special picture on my fireplace mantle and when I am in the room watching TV, well I think we are both here watching TV...brings me comfort.

My husband has been gone 28 months now.  Before he died he told me I would be busy taking care of grandchildren and I couldn't go with him - how astute! Here I am doing just that.  New life has brought happiness to me and I think that is my job now, grandchildren!  I do believe that we can find joy in new life, in children and learn to find solace and happiness within us, not saying it is easy though!

I am glad you are going to counselling - it is good to share and being on the site, definitely a blessing to us all.

Take good care,


Comment by Carol Kayser on January 16, 2013 at 12:34am

Diane C.  My husband asked to go to the hospital to the Palliative unit, we actually almost fought about it, because I knew, oh how I knew, that once he admitted himself he would  never come home and he didn't.    It was 2 weeks of watching him, the pain, the hurt on his face, the knowing we were losing him.  So so hard, yet he tried to still be himself, trying to smile, to joke a little, when he couldn't speak he used hand gestures.  Each day is burned into my memory.

I love him so and miss him so very much, and I think I have said before that I love him more now than ever and I can't wait to see him again.  Right now I think God has other plans for me, so I need to be patient.



Comment by Carol Kayser on January 16, 2013 at 12:30am

Jerry, I feel similar to you - my husband and I were married 39 years also and he was only 57 when he died.   Three years since you lost her - I am sorry Jerry.  If you feel anything like me you can close your eyes and think it was just yesterday they were here with us.

You are right though - there are many memories to celebrate and I try to do that each day.




Comment by Jerry on January 15, 2013 at 10:14pm
I guess the length of time you were married doesn't change the amount you grieve. The longer you were together means you have more memories to relive. If the time together was not many years I am sure you feel shortchanged. I was with my wife for 39 years, but still feel shortchanged since she was only 55 when she passed away.Today marks the third year of her passing.
Comment by stacey on January 15, 2013 at 8:16pm

hey marsha, welcome back and thank you but its scary doing thing for the first time without him and i just kinda feel like im leaving him here and im moving out we did so much here and ive never done this by myself and im a little scared to by myself

Comment by stacey on January 15, 2013 at 8:12pm

thanks carol. i guess im just gonna miss everything we did here and how hard its doing some things i did with him now without him is really hard to think about and do. but its will be better for me and my son


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