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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1372
Latest Conversations: Sep 15

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Dick on December 9, 2012 at 10:36am
Anyone suffering the sudden loss of a spouse might want to read this book...." I wasn't ready to say good bye"

I'm reading it now and found it helpful in understanding what I'm going through and how the grieving for someone that dies suddenly, without warning is different .

Perhaps, someone else can benefit from this book
Comment by Marsha H on December 8, 2012 at 1:44am

Jan F ... I have really missed you girl!  Glad you posted, but so sorry you are doing all that well.  Much of it is the Christmas season coming upon all of us and also your family moving in at the same time.  It doesn't take much to over-whelm us in the fragile state many of us are in.  Take a deep breath; rest when you can and pace yourself. 

You are so lucky to have family moving in.  Wish I could say the same.  It does get very lonely, but at least I have my two dogs.  I live in a small rancher home so no room for an extra boarder even.  I know I need to feel more useful towards someone now that my beloved has gone and, like you and the rest of us here we all miss our spouses during this time.

I am so sorry you are having so many health issues Jan.  Just got over a flu bug myself and on top of grief it is double the trouble.  Have been feeling a little better, but the flues and colds are really going around here.  I hope the doctors can help you with your pain.

Please come back and let us know how you are doing. 

Big hugs

Marsha

Comment by Janice F. on December 7, 2012 at 10:39pm

I'm here.  I haven't left the forum!  And I'm not "better"...I wish I could say I was.  Just haven't been on the computer much, so much to do with my son & family moving in, we're trying to make things comfortable  for all.  It's a good thing for me, was my idea...to be truthful, I wasn't doing all that well by myself.  It's hectic at times...but there are many hours when they are all gone to work and school, so I have plenty of alone time.  Can't really get into decorating, have the little tree up and just a very few decorations, It's just so hard.  Also will be going back to the Pain Management Clinic for a procedure on my lower back, hopefully next week.  I waited too long to do it and have been hurting SO bad for a few months but the grieving has taken over everything else.  I have severe arthritis, degenerative discs and a new bulging disc...had a CT-scan a week ago.  Pain and not feeling well makes it so much worse, if that's even possible.  We have thought about moving to a larger home or a lot with 2 homes on it, but may also see about adding a bedroom & bathroom...just don't know for sure yet.  I am just so completely overwhelmed by everything, wishing Don was here with me.

Comment by Marsha H on December 7, 2012 at 8:48pm

Frank ...  I am in the same position. We would be out Christmas shopping and then stop off at a restaurant for a quick dinner.  I miss it!  I feel so strange today.  Yesterday when our good friend was here painting the ceilings it almost felt like old times, but now, I feel I have fallen back into a pit of grief.  It makes me feel soooo old.  I am going to my girlfriends tonight to help her decorate her tree, but can't seem to muster up any joy, but will have to put on a 'good face' so I don't spoil her time. 

So true ... love is forever and I just wish this heart-wrenching grief would ease up. 

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Frank Andrews on December 7, 2012 at 7:56pm

Marsha,  Felling better physically but Friday and another week-end drains emotionally.  We used to do so much on week-ends and would probably be Christmas shopping right now. Missing our spouses so much right now. Just hope that like some who have left this forum we all get better after time has passed. Love will be forever but grief has to get bearable.

Comment by Marsha H on December 7, 2012 at 3:08pm

HELLOOOOO FRANK ... I'm here bugging you again and hope you are having a better day of it and you are in my thoughts. 

The sun has finally come out, but very cold.  I am going to take the dogs for a walk with my girlfriend Sue.  Saturday is suppose to be sunny as well and then a few bits of snow on Sunday.  Oh boy!  It isn't suppose to last and by Monday rain.  Don't know which is worse.

Take it easy my friend and take good care of yourself.

Big hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on December 7, 2012 at 3:06pm

Carol .. I am so happy you are feeling a little bit more chipper.  You probably got run-down and got this terrible flu.  I'm pacing myself.  It's great that you have a smaller tree and I'm so proud of you for carrying on the tradition that you and Jack had. I have my artificial tree with tiny white lights on it and I am more cheered up.  While sick with the flu myself (not as bad as your flu) I put on the fireplace; had the lights going on my tree and did my Christmas cards.  Put on a good Christmas TV Program and I was set.  Cheered me up some. 

Yes, the good old times with our spouses.  I do miss my dear husband this time of year, but too stubborn to ruin the 45 years of having our special Christmas.  I think I told you Ernie didn't think I put the lights on the tree perfectly enough so he got the job and I'd do the rest of the decorating.  Those were the days my friend.  I don't intend on having groups of friends over again this year as I just don't have the energy and only some one-on-one visits from mainly girlfriends so many won't get to see the tree.  At least my dogs enjoy it.  LOL

You keep getting well Carol and I'm thinking of you.

Hugs

Marcy

Comment by Carol Kayser on December 7, 2012 at 2:27pm

Hello Marsha, thanks for the advice, I think this is a 2 week flu not a 72 hour one! I will have to get somewhat motivated though, perhaps I will write some cards out, and get out a few Christmas decorations.  I think that could help:) I only have a tiny tree now, but it is pretty with sparkly lights and that makes me feel good.  I gave our artificial tree to my daughter and family, so it is still in good hands and decorated and looks beautiful.  I was telling my son-in-law that my hubby Jack and I would have fun trying to put up this tree.  Jack (who had suffered a broken back earlier) couldn't stand for terribly long so he would sit on the couch and be the "director".  We would laugh and drink coffee.  Best of times.  One of those little things to treasure, as you say.

Well I'd better get some lunch, I am starving!  Losing weight while being sick is no fun, but my jeans are looser, LOL...

 

Hugs,

Carol

Comment by Marsha H on December 7, 2012 at 12:58am

Frank ... It appears for the best of all that people are fighting flues or colds.  Grieving is an add on for most of us.  I too wish everyone a peaceful Holiday Season.  Sometimes it's just the little things that mean the most.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on December 6, 2012 at 11:17pm

Wilela ..  I am the same as you.  I just either excuse myself and leave or go into the washroom at someone's home.  Grieving is labeled 'Post Traumatic Stress' and it doesn't matter if we knew our loved one was terminally ill or not .. nothing can prepare us for their death.  We can think about how we will handle things even after talking with our spouses, but it's hell!  I am sure in time all of us will be able to get on with our lives (I pray for that every single night and for all on here) and keep the fond memories of our loved ones, but be ourselves to some degree and learn to laugh and have some fun again.  It must be so as others have had to go through what we are and some remarry; others find a male/female companion and others prefer to live alone surrounded by family and others live with their children.  Each to their own and whatever makes them happy.  I think I must be getting better because I would truly enjoy having a male companion (no complicated relationship) but it is difficult as you get older to find someone.  I am independent, but sure don't want to go through life alone.  Yes, I am going to volunteer next year and get out more that way, but you still have to come home to an empty house and nothing to look forward too and the weekends and holidays are difficult for us all.  Having at least a companion opens up your social needs. 

Don't worry about not being able to stop crying.  I did that myself and at times can still do that.  I just let those tears fly because unwillingly we are shoved onto another planet we are not accustomed too. Hang on because things will get better.

Hugs

Marsha

 

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