Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Janice F. on December 25, 2012 at 8:59pm

Hi Stacey,so glad your husband's headstone got took the VA 4 months to get the small plaque I ordered to put next to Dons headstone...his Air Force one.  I'm taking some flowers to him tomorrow.  its still so hard for me to go there, I don't know why.  Well Today was a good day, better than I had thought.  Blessings and Peace to all of you.

Comment by stacey on December 25, 2012 at 8:23pm

hello everyone! I had an excellent christmas i only shed a few tears and it was mostly joy my husband memorial (headstone) is down and they told me it would be spring before they could do it. It turned out exactly like i pictured it when i picked it out. My son was in the best mood even yesterday when we opened presents and got spoiled rotten. today we stayed in our jammies all day and played with the toys.  my hubby nick maybe hinted to me he put something in the closet for me before he died, i havent been in the closet for a couple weeks and i cleaned up the living room the other morning and took a shower and i noticed the closet light was on the only way to turn it on is by screwing it into the socket. so when i move im looking forward to cleaning out the closet. i hope everyone had a decent christmas and no one had too bad of a day.  hugs for everyone   MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL 

Comment by Marsha H on December 25, 2012 at 4:36pm

Dixie ... you are so welcome.  I will be emailing you tonight, but no rush in replying.  Grieving as you know and being uncertain of the ups and downs in your future without your spouse is certainly a daunting task. 

It's pouring rain here to (just outside Vancouver, British Columbia) with wind!  Too bad as it was suppose to be sunny.  At least it's not snow. 

The first year for me I was in such a fog I had a fairly good Christmas, but in 2012 reality smacked me one and this Christmas was teary-eyed for me, but I have my private cries and put on a happy face for others and sometimes actually enjoy myself. 

You have a small family like I do.  I have a brother 6 1/2 years younger than me; his wife and 2 nephews in the mid-20's so that's it. 

You are right about taking a tree to your husband.  The body is just is a vessel and their spirit is what keeps us going.  It is difficult to look back and see how many have 'gone home' and we are left behind.

I hope you are having a great Christmas too Dixie and lots of love; hugs and of course prayers coming your way.


Comment by Dixie Olson on December 25, 2012 at 3:18pm

Marsha: Thanks so much for your comment, It's just Ive been all through it, and if I can help anyone am glad to do so. This year I didnt cry for my husband, I meant to go take a tree to him but it's so far from here and in CA it;s pouring cats n dogs, but he's not out there anyway so I know he had a great Christmas with his family(gr-parents, mom brother, an 2 sis in laws, only me and my half brother are left in my family the rest are all home. Well have the best christmas, love,hugs, thoughts and prayers>dix

Comment by Marsha H on December 25, 2012 at 2:37pm

Dixie ... MERRY CHRISTMAS!  You don't hog posts and you are breath of fresh air on the forum.  Always look forward to reading your posts and good tips as to how to deal with certain things.

As far as pensions in British Columbia, Canada I only get 50% and thank heavens my husband and I squirreled away a little money in investments, but it's dwindling down very quickly.  I'm in panic mode and hope I get through next year or I'll have to start borrowing on my small rancher home.  I agree that police officers; fire fighters, etc., should get the top pay back for the services that they extend to the public.  I'm so sorry you are having financial difficults.  I will pray that 2013 will be a much better year for you.



Comment by Marsha H on December 25, 2012 at 2:33pm

To My Extended Family ... MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!  I know for some of us it will be difficult, but will get through it.  For others it will be a blessing being around family or friends.  Whatever anyone chooses to do to celebrate Christmas I pray it is a peaceful one and not too much sadness.

Love to all you angels on here


Comment by Marsha H on December 25, 2012 at 2:31pm

Diane C ....  MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!  I am so happy to hear that all things considered it wasn't as bad as you anticipated. I too was surprised when I went out to friends on Christmas Eve and had a better time than I thought I would. 

I hope Dee comes back too.  I know the website could be a little easier to navigate because when I first joined I got a little mixed up regarding posting.  I had a lot of help from my extended family on here to get it right.  I think what happened was Dee did a Private Post and when it came into my email box I answered it and it showed up on the wall and on Page 2 I did answer her post. She probably didn't see it.  I pray she does give us another chance.

Have a great Christmas.

Many Hugs


Comment by MaggieP on December 25, 2012 at 11:42am
My dear Faith, I am sorry that you are having serious health problems. Our health is so compromised by our grief. I sort of gave up last year, and realized that I was going down a dangerous path. I was losing the ability to stand and walk. Regaining my strength is going to be hard work. I feel aimless, but feel the need to continue on. I am getting involved with the youth at church now. To see those eyes light up when they see adult friend that is not family, warms my heart. I remember my special relationships as a child in church. You have made so many changes. Have faith and courage!
Comment by Janice F. on December 25, 2012 at 9:13am

Faith, I'm so sorry, I don't have wise words of wisdom, I can only say, you are still here for a reason...right now that reason may only be known to our Lord, but He will let you know.  I am so glad you're still with us.  Blessings, Peace, Love and prayers from me to you.

Comment by Janice F. on December 25, 2012 at 9:06am

Dixie you are not hogging posts...I enjoy your perspective, thank you.  I come from a public service background, as you & your husband, so I understand how public pensions work. i'M retired from Cal-Fire' but with much less than a firefighter or peace officer.  I've said that if I had to live on my state retirement alone, I would be living in a cardboard box on the street. I thank God I wasn't the main breadwinner.  The wives of our firefighters and peace officers deserve just isn't right.

Well, guess its time to get up & face Christmas Day, I can hear the grandkids are up.  Please dear Lord, help me through it without being a "downer" on the rest of my family.  I had every intention of going to Midnight Mass last night, just couldn't make it.


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