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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1376
Latest Conversations: on Monday

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on January 5, 2013 at 1:51am

Stacey ... Of course I will say a prayer for your friend and please keep us informed as to how they are doing.  Prayers from many can bring miracles.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on January 5, 2013 at 1:49am

Dick ... It's wonderful to see you on the forum again and checking in with us as we do worry.  I can't even begin to imagine how you felt with your wife's sudden death because my husband passed away from pancreatic cancer so I had some time with him.

You did so well Dick to go to the wedding and a surprise birthday party and you should be proud of yourself for that as I find the same thing ... miss my husband so much and have no one to share the events with.  I say the same thing as you do because we do that is what people want to hear and nothing negative at these occasions.  It amazes me that these words come out of their mouths so readily (being polite I suppose) when they must have some inkling of how we feel.

This 2nd year for me has been a tough one because reality is setting in just as it is for you and knowing we have to have some sort of future without our spouses is difficult at best.  I still have crying jags off and on and I suppose I will for a long time to come.

I am happy to hear you are going to go to a support group.  You will have much in common with the people there and actually see them in person unlike being on the Internet on a forum, although this forum has certainly helped me through some rough days.

I am already out and around people and it takes time even then to get use to being just 'you' with no one on your arm.  We'll make it though!

Take care of yourself Dick.

Marsha

Comment by Dick on January 4, 2013 at 11:50pm
Diane...which "dick" you were asking about?

It's been almost 3 months and I still can't believe that my best friend is gone forever. I was totally unprepared for my wife's sudden death

In the last month, I've attended a wedding and a big surprise birthday party. While I'm glad I went, it was hard knowing that I would no longer be sharing these events with my wife.

My latest response when friends ask how I'm doing is just to say..Im hanging in there...which is an accurate description. The response they would like to hear, I'm sure, is more positive

It's really sinking in as to how different my life will be from what we had "planned"...and then the tears one.

I'm supposed to start with a support group in about 5 weeks...and it can't come Soon enough

It's not easy..,but I know I have to get out and be around people.
Comment by stacey on January 4, 2013 at 9:42pm

hey everyone i need some extra prayers for a little while, a good friend of mine that was with me all night the night my husband died, is in the hospital and they found a couple extra things that are not good.  

Comment by Marsha H on January 4, 2013 at 9:04pm

Diane .. sorry for the spelling errors.  Trying to do multiple things all at once and that's what I get for it.  LOL

I'm a dim bulb ... just proved it.  LOL

Marsha

Comment by Dixie Olson on January 4, 2013 at 9:03pm

FRANK: I know your heart is broken, and your faith is shaken my prayer for you is that you ask GOD* to help you through this, What you are going through is normal, my husband and I were married 38 yrs, I had been with him since I was 15, and other than the time he was overseas, or at work we were together, try to keep going to church, have you tried to talk to your pastor/priest? I have had dreams about my husband, some very bad, and a few good. I was doing dishes this a,m, and a memory came to me from 48 yrs ago, he was in navy boot camp and got an infection in his legs so he had to stay longer, he didnt tell us he was coming home, I was living with his parents in his bedroom, I had the door closed and he opened it, stood there grinning, I looked a mess but I jumped off that bed into his arms, we were married that night, I had already thrown away 2 sets of wedding invitations because of his delay, my wedding dress was not done, so his parents and brother were the only one at the church, it was not the wedding I dreamed of, we re-did our vows on our 25th, that was a disaster, if you dont get the wedding you want the first time, there's no do-overs. My heart breaks for you, I wish I could give you a big hug! I wish I was rich, Id rent us a big room and fly everyone in so we could meet one another and talk about our grief. Have you talked to your Doctor? Please Frank get out of bed, get dressed, and eat and drink tea,coffee, juice or WATER! Is there any hobby that sounds good to you? I do crafts, so that keeps me busy and since Im up and down all night I try to stay busy, Keep coming here if only to read, know you are loved, and not alone we all are grieveing in differant stages, lv, hugs, thoughts, and prayers,

Comment by Marsha H on January 4, 2013 at 9:02pm

Diane C ... you're welcome.  It's nice to be thought of and I'm glad to see Frank has come on the forum.  I can't get use to all the members patterns either. Some get busy; some have a rough day and some just want to relax and grow stronger.

Oh boy, our weather is something else.  -4 last night; now today drizzling rain; dank and cold.  Suppose to be mixed rain and snow and sure hope the snow stays away.

I mean to tell you Diane, I bought a new pink collar with glass diamonds (remember GLASS diamonds  LOL) and a leash to match for my little girl 'Tootsie' and you can't tell me pets don't know how they look because she sure struts her stuff.  Makes me laugh.  Booker T nly being 17 lbs. and a Cockapoo I had gotten him a brown collar (with spikes on it ... make him look tougher  LOL) and a leash, but he's had it for quite sometime. 

My girlfriend is coming over tonight so we're going to snuggle up with the fireplace going and try to find a good movie to watch.  Sure looks dimmer in my living room since I took the tree and mantle decorations down.  Going to be painting the living room this Sunday with some help from our dear friend Will (was my husband's best buddy.)  Hope that brightens my spirits a little.

Hope everything is going well for you Carol and that things are easing up a little for you.  Grieving is tough for sure and blind-side us.

Take care and have a great weekend.  Gave my pups a hug from you.  LOL

Hugs to you

Marsha

 

Comment by Diane C on January 4, 2013 at 8:11pm

Thanks Marsha for the info on Dick.... Guess I just didn't realize his pattern. I hope you are doing well and staying warm. Give those puppies a hug from me....

Comment by Diane C on January 4, 2013 at 8:07pm

Hi Frank,

Glad to hear you are still visiting and reading. Just so you know that you are in our thoughts and hearts!! I hope and pray that you find relief from your grief and feel better soon.

I too, do not feel my husbands soul around me and I have only had one dream in which he was there for a fleeting moment. But it was a bad dream about my dad and Rich was there to give me a much needed hug. I don't understand why some people have many, vivid dreams and we have none. But I hope that we will soon have the same experience that others do. Hang in there Frank!! Hugs to you!!

Comment by Frank Andrews on January 4, 2013 at 7:22pm

 Diane,

  I have been visiting and reading but just so low that I cannot offer any encouragement to others when I feel like this. Since Helen feels just as I do now and it has been 3 years for her, I lose hope that this hell on earth will be over with. I KNOW people work their way through grief and can lead some kind of a life but am I one of those...I wonder.

  I want to get my faith back, Dixie, but so far I have not had much luck and I have been going to church every Sunday morning. Oddly, I still get no comfort from being there.  I do not feel my wife's spirit around me nor have I dreamed of her and I am really disturbed by this. As most on the forum, we were "soul mates" for over 40 years.

  I hope to feel better after these holidays are long gone and we get some better weather.  Because of the meds I am taking, I feel tired all of the time and do not even want to get out of bed in the mornings to face another lonely day.

 Those on the forum should know that I am thinking of them when reading the posts and are keeping them in my prayers. When will the miracle happen and all of us get over our grief?  Hugs.

 

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