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Comment by Marsha H on December 12, 2012 at 5:22am

Carol ... Good for you!  I did that last year when my sweetie passed away because I know he would want me to.  I already told you I putup a tree and decorated the mantle, but of course didn't have the people we generally invite because I couldn't handle that.  I did also have a private Christmas with my beloved like we always use to.  I know they would want us to carry on the tradition.  It makes me closer to him somehow.  So proud of you for trying Carol.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Carol Kayser on December 12, 2012 at 12:43am

So I read something tonight about the holidays. It said to honor our loved ones by keeping their treasured memories alive, to remember their laughter and joy and to include it in the celebrations.

I am going to try my best....
Hugs, Carol

Comment by Carol Kayser on December 11, 2012 at 10:54pm

Diane C. Same for me. My husband has been gone 28 months and I have lots of his things and took many of his clothes he didn't wear to the Goodwill. The special ones though, including his work uniform I still have. His after shave is beside my perfume. His winter coats are in the closet and I wear his down jacket in the winter. I feel so close to him when I do that.

We all wish we could have changed things. The truth is we couldn't. I tried very hard to, it didn't work. We have to take those small steps as Frank says. Because it would be too overwhelming for us if we didn't.

Hang in there,
Carol

Comment by Sue H on December 11, 2012 at 10:41pm

A awesome song that was forwarded to me by Ray's daughter..love her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJi_7f1cpbk

Hugs to all

Comment by Diane C on December 11, 2012 at 6:40pm

Marge, I thank you for coming to my rescue with this issue tonight. As always I appreciate the words and wisdom that so many on this site have. I am feeling a little better, but now I have a headache to deal with. You are right about the friends having their own lives to carry on with. That is why I really like coming here, unfortunately we are all in this together, no matter how much we HATE it!!

Comment by Diane C on December 11, 2012 at 5:28pm

Thanks Frank, I guess it always helps to hear that someone has the same feelings that we do. I too still have my husbands clothes in the closet. I have been able to take some of the things he hardly ever wore to the needy, but most of his stuff is still here, including his toiletries in the bathroom. Although, I got rid of all the stuff that was related to his illness right away. I did most of that when I had to put him in the Hospice House. I couldn't bear to see the reminders. It is so good to know that others have done what I have done. Comforting I guess would be the right word.

And we all know that you are not to blame for your wife's illness or the care she received. I have to live with the fact that I could not bring my husband home to die, which was his wish. I guess we all have to live with our decisions. I will try to keep remembering baby steps and one day at a time or hour at a time. Thanks again, and hugs back to you!!

Comment by Marge Babenko on December 11, 2012 at 5:16pm

Diane, you have the right to have a pity party. Doesn't mean anyone will come but you. No one else can feel the same pain , you do at that moment. Your friends feel bad for you, but they have their lives,and until they walk in your shoes, they really don't understand. I am so tired of hearing, things will get better NO they won't, how could they. Our loved one is gone, just like someone turned the T.V. Off, and they are not coming back. So we are left with trying to find some reason to go on living alone in this awful world. I for one don't see a future there

Comment by Jerry on December 11, 2012 at 5:15pm

Frank, don't blame yourself for what happened. As for not getting rid of things, it will be 3 years next month that my wife is gone and I still. Have her robes hanging behind the bedroom door and all her clothes in the closets and dresser.

Comment by Frank Andrews on December 11, 2012 at 5:12pm

P.S.  Remember, baby steps and one day at a time.... sometimes just an hour at a time.

Comment by Diane C on December 11, 2012 at 4:26pm

I am having a really rough evening. I felt the need to go to the cemetery this afternoon, so I went, stayed a little while then came home. I am trying so hard to get into the spirit and get some decorations put up. So I was going through some of the boxes before I put them out in the garage, and I came across my husband's Christmas stocking. It completely took my breath away and I cried so hard. I know they say we will have these triggers, but this one just hit me so darn hard. Any advice on how to handle these triggers? I guess I am just having a pitty party.

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