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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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Comment by nancy on June 30, 2012 at 2:28pm

I need to share this with you all. I've shared before how John has come to me in dreams or silly things popping up from him. It hasn't happened in awhile..I've been having a tough time the last week since surgery and missing him so much. My cousin heard from him yesterday morning. He told her to tell me that he is proud of me and all that has happened is making me stronger so I can fight off anything or anyone. That he's watching and hears me.

This has totally lifted my spirits.. I thought he had really left me for good.I guess I was just too distraught to let him in. I have no doubt that this happened..she also fwd. a pic from her yard of the clouds in the shape of an angel and then heart. She is a devout Christian and this all came to her after her prayer session yest. morning.
 I can't wait to share this with his family. They love to hear when he comes to someone. (He's very busy).

I also started to feel physically much better yesterday. I layed around and did nothing but nap for 2 days and I guess I needed it.I haven't learned to cut myself a break yet..even after surgery! Today I went and picked up 2 of my grandaughters to sleep over for a few days. I go to the dr. Tues. and hopefully will be ok after to go to camp for the 4th. Our wedding anniv. is July 5th and I think the camp would be a good distraction especially with family around.

Thanks Vee and Jane for your thoughts and prayers. They are really working.

Jaime and Karen, when I got overwhelmed I got away from it and tried again first thing the next morning after sleep. Just put one thing on your to do list at a time. It feels good when you can cross it off. Pray a lot. Keep your eyes on the Lord and open your heart. I still don't know what His plan is for me left here without John but I won't find out until I'm willing to open my heart and listen. It will be 10 months on the 7th..I can't believe it...and I still get kicked in the gut once in a while. I hate roller coasters! At this point I think the time between break downs may be longer. But just as intense as in the beginning. Everyone's different, this is just my experience.

I'm going to totally enjoy my grandkids this weekend and also attend a grad. party. I intend to have the best time I can.

Hugs and prayers to all. Big belly laugh if you can! It's the best medicine. Peace

Comment by Faith J. on June 30, 2012 at 8:04am
Vee, I absolutely love ur post. As I'm just past the one mth mark, this gives me hope for the future. Thx
Comment by Vee on June 30, 2012 at 7:54am

Hi, everybody.  I thank all of you who prayed for me during this period.  This is the first birthday without Lawrence.  The days leading up to it were difficult, teary, and just plain miserable.  As many have said, the anticipation of how I would react were actually worse than the actual day.  I have to say my family and real friends actually made it a good day for me, and good days are really relished during this grieving/mourning period.

 

The elderly ladies that I have been helping change their eating habits, learn how to become more Internet savvy to enhance their lives, and just plain helping them see that life is still good even if you have a few aches and pains and deal with loneliness really touched my soul with their appreciation.  They planned a dinner and had a cake, cards, and gifts.  It was overwhelming! 

 

I came away from this day realizing that helping others helped me.  I have said many times that I have to create a new garment for my life, and I'm doing so.  Still, I miss him.  In coming up on the July 8th with my six-month mark, I can't believe how my friends here have given me such sage advice and concern that has kept me living long enough to see that I want to do just that, keep on living.

 

It has been hard, my friends, as I know it has been for all of you.  At first, I wanted to cease to exist.  Yet, all the love and laughter and joy and meaning Lawrence gave to me would be lost.  No one can tell his story--our story--the way I can.  I share it with so many people, and it has given others hope that some day they can find someone as wonderful as he was. 

 

I don't know what my epitaph will read in the end, but I hope it reads that here lies an imperfect person who tried to find meaning in her life and give that meaning to others.  This has been the toughest journey of my entire life, and it is not over.  I cry almost every day.  I feel scared as to what the future holds.  I feel put upon having to carry on alone and face so many life challenges.  But I also have started to feel little twinges of excitement that I can do this.  I feel Lawrence spurring me on as he did when he was here physically.  I can feel the love and support of all those who are no longer with me--my parents, my best friend Debra, my cousins, my aunts and uncles, and so many more.  They are pushing me forward from afar as is Lawrence to live out my days knowing that one day I will feel the sunlight of life again, and with God's help I can reach whatever it is I'm still here to do.

 

May God continue to bless all of you--Nancy, you are never left out of my prayers, never--and give you a peace that passeth all understanding.  Only God can see us through this.  Blessing to all who trod this road!

Comment by janeo on June 29, 2012 at 6:21pm
Jaime, always come here and vent, we are here for each other on good days and bad. We always listen.

Nancy, I don't know what to say I just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you and wishing you well
Comment by Faith J. on June 29, 2012 at 6:16pm

Karen, glad aI could be of some encouragement. 

Comment by Faith J. on June 29, 2012 at 6:15pm

Jaime, I hate this new life too. It's stll so fresh for us. I cling to Jer. 29:11. I can't quote it for some reason, but look it up & hold on. When I feel like I can't hold on any more, I go ahead & cry it out, knowing God hears & cares, but HE ultimately is sovereign & has the final say. Hope this brings you a little peace.

Comment by jaime tyree on June 29, 2012 at 5:57pm

Tomorrow will be 8 weeks ,and I am tired of living my new life. I know I have to stay for kids but I really need to be with him. How do I live this life that god has giving me? I wish I had a better support group here at home but I dont. So need my hubby here with me to help me with this mess. I can be happy for a few moments but than it goes back to you are all alone and my life sucks.I just need to run away . Thank you for letting me vent. Jaime

Comment by Karen Ball on June 29, 2012 at 5:44pm

Wow Faith, it's like you knew what I was going thru and had this prepared just for the occasion. Thank you

Comment by Karen Ball on June 29, 2012 at 5:40pm

My anger is out of control today. Things that should be just mildly annoying are angering me to a point that is just barely in my control. I hate being like this because learning to control my temper has been a long and difficult journey for me.

Comment by Faith J. on June 29, 2012 at 5:38pm

I liked this so I decided to share:

"My emotions occurred spontaneously, and sometimes two or three at the same time," says Cindy, whose daughter passed away.

Although there are stages that are common to the process of grief, they do not occur in a predictable order. Your emotions will be random, sometimes overwhelming, and completely unique.

"Whatever your emotions lead you to feel, it's okay to feel how you're feeling," says Randy, whose sister died. "I think there are several emotions people are going to go through that are beyond their control."

Although you may feel overwhelmed and out of control, you can still have the deep inner peace that comes from God alone. Some people clearly sense the peace of God during times of adversity, but others wonder why they cannot feel it. Be assured that His peace is always available to you. Peace comes through a sincere belief in God's presence and in His promises; it is not dependent on our feelings or sensations. Believe in His promises and rest in His peace today.

"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you" (2 Thessalonians 3:16).

Lord of peace, when my emotions surprise and confuse me, may I rest in the peace of Your constant presence. Amen.

 

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