Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: 6 hours ago
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Richard Gordon Jun 1.
Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10.
Started by Legacy.com Dec 28, 2017.
I am new here but very thankful for this support group. I have been reading many posts and it has helped me some.
My beloved husband Kevin died 3 years ago. He was in Northwestern Hospital for an elective surgery. He was a diabetic and was given an overdose of insulin and died of a hypoglycemic coma. He was unable to speak and then seized and went into a coma. He was left untreated in bed for 5 hours. When he was finally moved to MICU his blood sugar was 11. Normal is 100. I am an RN and have been for 27 years. Kevin was a 55 year old MD. He was my great love, best friend, my everything. I have moved slowly through the past 3 years doing the best I can for my children--aged 24 and 27.
My closest friend is now getting married at age 54. She is in love for the first time in her life. I am having a horrible time trying to be happy for her, go to her wedding, etc. I am envious and guilty about it. I know thats crazy but it is reality. Can anyone relate to this?
Thanks for reading.
To all my friends here, this has been one of the hardest weekends I've experienced since Valentine's Day. I went to the cemetery yesterday to put flowers on Lawrence's grave, and his grave marker had been put down just that morning. When I saw his named and his birthdate and a precious blurb on his marker, it really did something to me inside. I finally had to accept that the man I adored is truly gone from me.
As the grave attendant lifted the vase to make sure I was pleased with everything, there was a gentleman at the grave of his wife who looked over as if to say "I understand." My eyes were awash with tears, and I could barely speak to say "Yes, everything is all right."
Thankfully my brother was there with me, and he led me back to the car. I'm not going back there until Lawrence's birthday. It's just too hard. For the first time, I have to accept that I have no choice but to move forward. It's only been four months, and I feel sometimes as if I'm drowning.
I thank all of you who have prayed for me. I'm not quite back at square one, but it's a painful weekend for me. My family and friends have been awesome, and I've acquired a lot of new friends since Lawrence passed away. My true friends are still here, but I sure did get rid of a lot of "fake" friends.
To all who understand what I'm going through, I'm praying for you. This is not for the faint of heart. Losing someone that you love with all your heart is difficult, but I cling to my love for God and the fact that I will never lose Him.
May God's love and support be with all of you this Memorial Day and beyond. Warm hugs and blessings to all!
Thanks for your wonderful comments. It does help to have a group or community that has actually gone through this. I will keep reading all your wonderful coments and will also start sharing my feelings. Everyone have a safe, happy Memorial Day Weekend!
Oh Jane, thank you soo much. I'd like to think that this is a group effort here. We can gain so much from each others experiences. Always in my prayers and hugs to you my friend.
Anita, I decided to ignore others discomfort of not knowing how to deal with me and started calling them or asking for a walking partner on facebook! My phone is still ringing and messages coming 2 months later. I love to talk about John (passed 8 months ago) and my friends and family seem to love to hear the crazy stories too.I laugh alot when I share and it feels so good! I'm just realizing how many lonely people there are around, even married, and want the company too. I've also met wonderful new friends through support groups and exercise classes. I have to be honest, I'm pleasantly surprised. So, for me, I'm going after my friends and filling my calendar. I was always the quieter one (not quiet) between me and John. I loved to hear him talk and was happy to sit back and enjoy him. It wasn't so difficult to be the one to start the conversation at the support groups because I was so interested in everyone and how they were handling things. Knowledge is power!
I also know that I would not have made it this far if I didn't know the Lord. My faith has only gotten stronger. If you start your day on your knees, you can't get any lower!!
I know what works for me may not work for anyone else, it's very personal. We at least agree that our faith will get us through.
Prayers and hugs. Peace
Anita, it is such a struggle, I think North American society is structured differently than other cultures, family dynamics/connections, friends and others. For many reasons grief makes a lot of people around a grieving person uncomfortable, edgy, fidgety. I believe it has something to do with the mixed emotions they feel - first they are sorry, caring and supportive, then they struggle with the selfishness of "glad it didn't happen to me/us" and then they just put all those emotions behind them, hope you are doing ok, and that's that. It all then disappears into "I'll call you, let's have coffee" etc. and of course that becomes further and further apart.
I think this is why so many people who suffer loss turn to groups, reach out to community and then begin to form new friendships. It becomes there that we feel connected again. To be with like minded people is one of the main things - because they realize what has happened, can appreciate the struggles and can offer support. There is so much truth in the statement "Until you walk in another's shoes" you will not appreciate the impact and significance of the loss of a loved one on not just the spouse but the children and the people connected with them.
My husband has been gone 2 years in August. We keep the memories alive and work to incorporate his love into our new lives. It sounds to me like you are learning to appreciate your new joys and that can only lead to good things!
I haven't commented on this for awhile, but something I read hit me hard. Why do most of your friends just disappear after something like this happens. My husband, Gary, has been gone 3-1/2 years and I don't think I can still understand this whole thing. I have a 10 year old son, whose memories of his dad keep getting more and more distant. My 15 year old still won't talk about it, and I just keep going on, usually so fast that I don't have time to think or feel. I just realized today that I really need to start "living" again, actually being in the moment with my grief and with my new joys and happiness. It is helpful to read all your wonderful thoughts and comments. If it weren't for my faith in the Lord I don't know where I would be. It is really all I have that will never leave.
Sign Upor Sign In
Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.
© 2018 Created by Legacy.com.
Report an Issue |
Terms of Service
Please check your browser settings or contact your system administrator.