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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele 12 hours ago. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on May 15, 2019 at 4:16pm

Dear Deborah P...  I had to giggle with you and your wine at your grandson's b/d.  Did you have it in a bag!  LOL  I can understand exactly how you feel and even after 8 years of Ernie's passing I can feel the loss, wishing he was with me and don't totally enjoy all events with family or friends, but I manage to find something to enjoy as life is so precious.  How wonderful and kind of your daughter and you to have the b/d party to your grandson and try to keep things as normal as possible for him.  Children grieve as well, but much quieter about it.  You both made his day and I sure hope you did't dance on the table top after that wine!  LOL

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on May 15, 2019 at 4:13pm

Dear Sara ...  Thank you so much for the lovely post and the encouragement you gave me.  2019 has not been a kind year for me and I'm so sick of either hearing about death or experiencing a friend or dear pet passing away.  I try to do the best I can.  Right now trying to find a shelter dog for Booker my other dog and here is hoping.  Shelters make it very difficult to adopt and a lot of red tape.  

I hope you are doing well and have some peace and happiness in your life Sara.  As always when I post you are right there for me and I really appreciate it.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on May 15, 2019 at 4:08pm

Deb P ...  Praying must work and so happy to hear that your home and the property are still dry.  I have left you a post about whether the 2nd year of Greg's passing is worse and I'd like to add that without us realizing it there are a few less tears.  They will always be in our hearts and the back of our minds.  I have my days, but most of the time I try to keep busy and it helps.  Keep as active as you can and surround yourself with family and friends every so often and don't be afraid to treat yourself every so often such possibly going to spa or going out for dinner or movie or both for that matter with a good friend.  Keep getting out in society as it really helps.  It's now been 8 years since Ernie passed and yes, I shed some tears, but the deep ache isn't so bad now.  

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on May 15, 2019 at 4:02pm

Dear Deborah ,,,  The first year I now know I was in shock and almost zombie-like, but had the sense to have a friend come with me to do all the red tape needed to be done.  The 2nd year all I can say was a mixed bag of emotions.  I knew my Ernie was gone and nothing I could do about it, but I missed him so much.  The good news is that I realized how much stronger I had become and doing things I had to do that Ernie use to do.  The grief does go down to a dull roar and I found keeping busy and yes, even volunteering helps a lot and keeps you in the real world.  

You're going to make it girl and what you are going through is very normal.  It takes time and you are doing just fine.

Love & Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Diane C on May 15, 2019 at 11:39am

Deborah,

So glad to hear the water is receding!! I can only imagine the relief you are now feeling.

I think the 2nd year is much harder for everyone. The first year is extremely difficult, because you are busy dealing with life and the motions you have to go through. By now, most of those things that keep your mind occupied are now done. Giving you even more time to grieve. Although this year is 7 for me, I still grieve, it's just not as deep. Not sure if that is the right word. You will always have Greg in your heart, and you will always think about him, but you will be able to laugh again and think about those fun times you had and smile with those thoughts. I haven't been able to go through pictures yet, but I will and I am sure that will bring a lot of heavy tears and a lot of smiles too. Hang in there and know that everyone on Legacy is here for you!

Diane

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 15, 2019 at 11:39am
Marsha.....I'm catching up on the past couple weeks and see that you've lost Tootsie. I'm so sorry about this, especially being that it was so close to Ernie's anniversary date and the passing of your friend. Too much loss in a short time. I know without a doubt that Tootsie is now with Ernie and they're both watching over you and taking care of you. I hope you can feel their presence.
Big hugs for you.
Sara
Comment by deborah peck on May 15, 2019 at 11:33am

I for got to tell you all that Saturday was my grandsons birthday party and even though we were not feeling it my daughter had a party for him here at my house which was worse since this is where Greg passed away but while the kids played we played games and had some wine, well a lot of wine and for awhile forgot about the date and had good laughs so it was nice until everyone left. My oldest granddaughter told me yesterday the she hadn't seen me laugh that much in a long time, funny what people notice

Comment by deborah peck on May 15, 2019 at 11:29am

Steve you explained it perfectly, as the years went by after my 1st husband passed away Greg would always say he could tell when the date was near because I would be very crabby and quiet sometimes before I even realized what was wrong with me. So I think those dates are always in the back of our minds even though its been 31 years since my 1st husband Rob passed

Comment by Diane C on May 15, 2019 at 11:29am

Hi Marsha,

I didn't know the story about the lady you were volunteering for. Good thing you got out of there anyway by the sounds of it. I hope you are doing a little better, with time passing. I hope you are getting out working in your yard and gardens. We have had nothing but rain for the past 2 months. My yard has several naturally created ponds through it. But I am finally getting the 4 huge trees in the back yard taken down. Ever since the one fell on the house, I haven't rested comfortably if it is raining or god forbid the wind is blowing over 15 mph... I know you were with me through that catastrophe. Take care and keep us updated on what your doing. I know you have friends to take care of, and they are so lucky to have you!!

Love and hugs!!

Diane

Comment by Steve G. on May 15, 2019 at 11:07am

Deborah,

For me the 2nd anniversary was extremely hard for me, I was moving plus our dear dog Bella had passed away 3 days before the movers arrived.  As the 3rd and 4th one came, I was able to reflect on those days, a little crying, a little depressed.  This November will be the 5th, I expect that I will be moody, to myself off and on and still shy away from invites.  My family and friends really do not want to hear about which anniversary it is, they even do not ask me much except, how are you doing?  Sometimes I just want to scream at them; of course I don't, I reply I am fine, how about you.  Yesterday I saw a post of face book, one of those funny Minion's, with Garfield holding a bat in hand.  The caption stated "no matter how big a hammer you use, you can't pound common sense into stupid people".  So that will be my secrete mantra, remembering that cartoon, when good people without a clue about grief ask "how are you", or has your loss and sadness gotten any better...I will think of Garfield and chuckle to myself...

 

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