Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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New Member

Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 5 Replies

Lost my husband

Started by Mary Clough. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 99 Replies

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Comment by Susan on September 2, 2018 at 6:45am
  1. Thank you for the welcome Mary Jane and Jeannette. I hope I am posting in the right place. It is comforting to find others in the same situation ( although I wish none of us were in this situation). I was with my husband for 7 years, married for 5 years when he died at age 60.  He was my high school sweetheart and we reunited after 35 years! I had been separated from my 1st husband and he had just left his wife when we connected again. He was my one true soul mate. He loved my 4 children like his own and my whole family loved him. We found out on Nov 4th 2017 that he had muscle invasive bladder cancer. Several rounds of chemo didn't help. He had his bladder removed in Feb 2018, only to discover 3 weeks later that the cancer had metastasized. He then was given a different chemo with only a 10% success rate. He was expected to live several more months but developed a fatal lung injury from that chemo. He went into the hospital April 26th with what we were told was pneumonia. He became unresponsive on May 3rd at which time we were told of the lung injury.  He died May 4th. I never got to really say goodbye. I tried but I don't know if he heard me. Previously he never wanted to talk about dying as he wasn't yet ready to do that. He thought he had plenty of time to talk about it in the next few months. I am still crushed. Some days I can't do a single thing. Last weekend I literally cried all weekend. My heart goes out to everyone here.
Comment by Mary. Jane on September 1, 2018 at 1:49pm

Hey guys...there is a new member, Susan..who posted this morning,  but I have no idea I sent her a reply directing her here. Hopefully she will find this page...and not let the initial difficulties of posting here discourage her.   I know it took me all day to get it right when I first came here, so I hope she finds us.

Comment by Marsha H on September 1, 2018 at 5:38am

Deborah ...  What a wonderful thing to do with the balloons and I'm sure Greg was right there with you.  I get helium balloons and write love notes on it and take it Ernie's favorite river and let it fly to the heavens hoping he'll catch it.  I too have tears to this day when special occasions arise, but the tears are over much quicker and then it's on with life.

Comment by Marsha H on September 1, 2018 at 5:36am

Oh Mary ...  You're a pip!  Of course you NEVER offend any of us.  That's why we're hear to say what we feel and when frustrated or angry it's good to get it out of your system and I commend you for that.  I have to I laugh at some of your post; NOT LAUGHING AT YOU, but just the way you express yourself.  It's like reading a over the top novel never knowing what is coming next.  LOL

Love you for YOU


Comment by Mary. Jane on August 31, 2018 at 8:52pm

Thanks, guys!

Comment by deborah peck on August 31, 2018 at 7:00pm

I went and got Greg balloons for his pond for our anniversary this morning, have been fighting tears all day but the day is almost over and with all the special days I will make it thru it as we all do

Comment by deborah peck on August 31, 2018 at 6:57pm

Mary Jane I agree with Steve, no one should have to be afraid of offending anyone on here, I feel like its a safe zone for us all to vent as long as its not racial Im good

Comment by Steve on August 31, 2018 at 4:39pm

Mary.Jane - you  never have to apologize for anything you say on this site...if we start thrown stones at each other we would all have a lot of bruises...Your comments inspire me personally to think in ways I hadn't thought of before.  That is why I love this forum...we do not judge each other.  Too bad the rest of the outside world seems to think that is ok along with bullying and a host of other bad manners.  You dear heart have a lot to say and we all manage to support each other with our posts, inquiries, questions and insights.  Keep on being yourself, that is why people love you dear sister.

quote from Maya Angelou:

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 31, 2018 at 1:37pm

Hello everyone. I have a question for you. Sometimes after I post, I get worried that I might have said the wrong thing, or overstepped any boundaries. There are lots of times I tend to run my (mouth) keyboard and I worry about that all the time. 

I also have a terrible habit of apologizing all the time! For everything! Even stuff I have no control over! Friends and family have told me over and over to “STOP APOLOGIZING” for everything. I don,t think I was like this before Bob died...I just always feel if I say I am sorry, things will be better. Yes, I am weird. LOL

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 31, 2018 at 9:25am

Deb, my apologies..I DIDN,t see your post. I know today is your anniversary...and it is so very difficult. 

In a sense, I experienced the same I know how crushing it is It took me 18 months before it hit me, like a blow to the head, that this was real...I would never hear his laughter or hug  his solid chest, while we stood in the West window and watched a pretty sunset together..with our arms around each other we would say in tandem “A tender moment” I remember exactly where I was..walking through the kitchen, the moment realization kicked in, and the horrible pain nearly dropped me to my knees.

I will always be his wife, and he will be my husband until the day I die. That is just how it will always be for me. Sometimes, I can feel him here, so I talk to him...but lately that seems to be fading...I think it is the stress of trying to relocate..and my fears he won,t be able to find me...but that is silly, because he doesn,t live in this house, he lives in my heart, and always will. 


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