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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1376
Latest Conversations: Jul 6

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by deborah peck on March 30, 2018 at 10:42am

Christine, none of us are the same person we were and I don't think we are supposed to be, everything that you go thru in live makes you the person you are, be it bad or good things so everyone is constantly changing a little at a time, its very hard but its just something we have to deal with, I too am just putting one foot in front of the other and living minute by minute but I know eventually it will get easier, we just have to haave patience, something that seems impossible to do, hope today is a good day for everyone

Comment by Christine Blaire on March 29, 2018 at 2:25pm

Ladies....and sirs too.....I am not the person I once was. Nothing can bring her back. Broken hearts heal,mine is shattered way beyond repair. My dear Marshall was my reason for living. Everyday brings me closer to being with him. I pray every night for God to take care of my Marshall,for Him to let me be with him soon and to please grant me just a little peace. I don't think He hears me. I'm still going to grief support,counseling,church,and I'm still empty. I am beginning to realize that this is how things are going to remain. It is not a pleasant outlook. Time does not heal all wounds.

Comment by Sara Murphy on March 28, 2018 at 9:15pm

Deb......even after 2 years, I still can't believe Ken is gone.   I don't think he's going to be coming through the door or calling,  I just can't believe he's not here.  I don't think I will ever get used to the idea. 

Comment by Marsha H on March 28, 2018 at 3:31am

Hi Deborah ...  Yes, for the first year I would think that Ernie would be coming up the driveway from work at 4:30 PM and of course he never did.  It was my mind hoping and wishing he would.  I still have his work jacket and ball cap hanging in the hallway where he use to hang it.  Into the second year I would kid myself that he was away fishing like he use to be every so often, but deep down I knew it wasn't true.  It's very normal Deborah to have those feelings.  We can't spend so many years with our spouse and have all those routines we were use to and suddenly shut it off as if it never happened.  When it is time for you and all of a sudden one day you will get use to the new routine and that means reality has set in.  For now my friend, just enjoy that few seconds of feeling he is coming home.  I did.

Comment by deborah peck on March 27, 2018 at 9:10am

does anyone else after 10 months still feel like this isn't real, I feel like I'm still waiting for him to come thru the door, the other day when my brother came home from work before I saw him I found myself praying, Please be Greg please, even though I knew who it was

Comment by Michele on March 24, 2018 at 4:25am
Thank you, for posting this.
Comment by Marsha H on March 24, 2018 at 4:00am

Comment by Marsha H just nowDelete Comment

Dear Christine ...What a wonderful step daughter you have and thankfully she lives fairly close to you.  Bless her heart!

I know how you feel having your little puppy Victoria Rose close to you.  I have to admit Christine it has been a great comfort having my Tootsie and Booker with me.  They forced me to get up and get moving all through my grief.  They lick my tears and cuddle with me.  I know you are getting the same comfort from Victoria Rose.  You are very smart to have made arrangements for Victoria Rose and I have my two sweeties in my Will even though Tootsie is 15 and Booker going on 13. 

I am so happy that most of the infection with the lymph nodes have healed up and I read your posts and know what a horrific time you had of it.    

I completely understand how you feel selling those tools of your dear spouse and feeling that you are selling pieces of his existence.  I had to sell Ernie's truck and camper and we'd made plans to go on a trip with the dogs when we thought he was going to come out of hospital not knowing he never would be coming out and home once again.  Then I had to sell his ski boat his pride and joy and I bawled my head of for 2 days.  So many memories attached to that boat.  I too felt like I was getting rid of his existence, but then realize these things sold are just 'things.'  We have our spouses in our hearts and our very soul and that can never be taken away from us.

I remember in raw grief that I happened to look in the mirror and couldn't believe how the life had been sucked out of me.  No sparkle to my eyes, no smiles and I was so extroverted, but found myself going the opposite way, but, in time the spark came back to my eyes, but wish it would come into my heart as well.  I will never be the woman I once was either.  It's as if our spouses took part of our soul with them.  That article down below pretty much says how grief goes where our life is turned upside down in so many ways until we don't recognize where we are.  

I'm sorry Christine, but you made me giggle a little smashing those crocuses.  I can certainly understand that!  I once took an electric edger to one of my bushes and gave it a crew-cut!  I was angry about everything during that time.

Hope you enjoy your wine and yes, I too sleep on the couch.  I can't bring myself to sleep alone in our bed.  

I know at this time nothing makes sense to you and no words can comfort you, but I promise you given time at your own pace things will be a little better and you'll smile when you look on all the good memories together instead of tears streaming down your face.

Big hug (because you need it.

Marsha

Comment by Mary. Jane on March 23, 2018 at 10:05pm

Ok, that essay I just posted, I believe Debra first posted it...I only had a screen shot of it, and I DIDN,t know how to edit it..so just ignore the other junk that is on it...but I wanted everyone who hadn’t seen it to do so. It is one of the most profound things I have ever read. 

Sorry the shot picked up a few other stuff...

Comment by Mary. Jane on March 23, 2018 at 9:58pm

Comment by Mary. Jane on March 23, 2018 at 9:53pm

Chuck, thank you for That wonderful post it meant a lot to me.

 

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