Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on October 24, 2017 at 10:11pm
Steve, I am so sorry about your health problems, but delighted that you sold the house! That is HUGE! I really feel for you having to deal with all it’s contents, what to keep, what to get rid of...but you DID it! Do you still have a residence in Dallas? Downsizing is a huge problem...and it is looming over me daily. I cannot even clean out a single drawer..and the one or two that I cleaned out are filled with more stuff! Focus is a huge problem, and with your health problem added to the mix, it seems daunting. I am so sorry you and Chuck are having to go through this.
Comment by Steve G. on October 24, 2017 at 7:40pm

Hi Mary Jane,

My right hand, fingers and wrist are swollen half as much as my left.  tingling, numbness, weakness and paid is all day and night,  I have brace stints to keep my wrist immobile,  This started back in June and as it progressed I lost the ability to make a fist and the tissue in my hand under each finger was tender to even touch, especially if pressure was applied.

Went to the Primary Doctor and they prescribed 800 milligrams of Ibuprofen twice a day for the pain and to relax the tendons and muscles, didn't work, so they sent me to an orthopedic doc who confirmed I had carpal tunnel and trigger fingers.  He gave me cortisone shots, which helped me gain some strength and mobility in my fingers.  Still could not bend my wrist, to went back and set me up with a neurologist, but had to wait 45 days for an appointment.  Once I got to him, he ran electric current to probes placed on my hand and arm, plus he ran another test using needles implanted in my arm and hand and ran current to those.  His diagnosis was that I did not have carpal tunnel and was more concerned with the swelling and weakness in my right hand.  He set me up for two MRIs, those came back showing that everything in my neck and shoulder was good, in fact he said my spine, neck and other vertebrae did not look like someone who is 70 and was amazed that I had no other health issues, like high blood pressure, cholesterol, et...I do not and have not smoked and I stopped drinking back in my 5o's.  He did see a spot on my thyroid and said we should have a look at that, because problems with thyroid can cause havoc with the nervous system, and simulate symptoms of carpal tunnel.  Went and had sonogram and it confirmed that the spot was a nodule probably benign.  Said to have my blood tested for hypothyroidism, which I did and my primary doctor called to say that my blood work was good.  Had to drag out what that meant, what the ranges were for certain thyroid tests and so on...the main test for hypothyroidism showed that it was slightly elevated but still within acceptable range.  Now at this point I broke bad, when I say him the day of the blood test, and before they took the blood he stated that he did not agree with the neurologist but that we should keep a watch on the nodule on my thyroid.  never once did he offer up what he thought might be wrong with my hand, so when I broke bad he had his nurse set me up with a different neurologist who specializes in greater detail problems with nerve disorders.  So next Tuesday I go see him which by the way is an hours drive.  In the meantime, the guy that mows our yard was asking chuck about how I was doing and he asked if I had been tested for Lyme disease.  He has a neighbor that went thru a similar set of circumstances and he is a carpenter that lost the ability to hold a hammer or a saw and his doctor took a different course of action and did a blood test for Lyme before calling it carpal tunnel which is what he thought he had.

Monday, we get a call from our realtor and we have a buyer and we accepted their offer, they want to close by November 20, we have a house full of furniture that we do not want to take with us, and so we are both just a little overwhelmed right now.  How on earth are we going to get everything done and ready so we can get out of Dodge.

If that wasn't enough, our septic system decided to rear it's ugly head and needs attention...uggggggh! 

So that's it for now, Chuck has been busy today answering and approving all of the legal changes to the sale contract with the lawyer, good grief there is so much to selling a house now, at least from tonight on the Lawyers can duke it out, we just have to start packing, eliminating, giving away and throwing away stuff so we can move...if it sounds like I am rambling it is because my brain hurts more than my hand.

Comment by Mary. Jane on October 24, 2017 at 2:39pm
Ok, STEVE...I haven,t been paying much attention to the posts that happened when I was in a nutshell, is it you hand, wrist etc you r having trouble with? Is it immobility, or numbness of both it constant..or does it happen maybe only at night? I ask this stuff cuz I really DIDN,t pay concentrated attention, AND because both my hands, but mostly my right hand go numb at night or during naps, or when I am talking on the phone, and holding my hand up. I looked at Google, and there is a central nerve area somewhere in each shoulder, which if you sleep on it can cause numbness and paralysis in each hand..but I wear a wrist band on my right hand at night, and my new mattress seems to help a bit. The pain from when the numbness recedes each morning is amazingly horrific, I try to un numb my hands by wiggling my fingers to bring the feeling back into my hands and that is very very painful. But if I don,t get the circulation back into my extremities it could cause paralysis. Hope this post can help.
Comment by Trina Mamoon on October 24, 2017 at 1:00am

Dear Sara Murphy,

Yes, everyday hurts, but the marker days, like birthdays and anniversaries hurt even more. It must have been tough for you today on Ken's birthday. Sending you comforting thoughts and big hugs. -- Trina 

Comment by Trina Mamoon on October 24, 2017 at 12:58am

Dear Marsha,

What a wonderful and caring person you are! You made my day by dropping a personal note to me. I am okay--for my context. I don't post as often anymore because I would be saying over and over again the same things: how still every single day I miss Joseph. The pain is nowhere near where it used to be the first two years, but everyday, like now, I just miss talking to Joseph, hearing his voice, asking him a question, holding him, seeing his smile... You know what I am talking about... Thank you for your kind inquiry. You are one of the angels on this site who keep us going. Thank you, dear Marsha, hope you are having a better day when you are reading this.

Love, Trina

Comment by Sara Murphy on October 23, 2017 at 9:54pm

Steve.....I'm so sorry  you're in the middle of a medical merry-go-round.  Nothing worse than doctors not knowing what's wrong and having to have a fit in order to get their attention.  I hope you don't have Lyme disease but definitely get the blood test to rule it out.  Please don't feel like you're venting or ranting.  This is what family is for.  Say hi to Chuck for me.

Comment by Sara Murphy on October 23, 2017 at 9:37pm

Hi Deb S and is my update.  Today was Ken's birthday and although every day without him hurts, certain days hurt a little more. 

Mary Jane......I'm glad you had a nice vacation.  The east coast really does have the best seafood.  As far as jinxing goes, I don't have any pets so I can't offer an opinion on that one.

Marsha......I'm glad to hear from you.  I've been meaning to send you a message to ask if you're okay but haven't been able to get on the site much in the past week.  I think this is a hole we'll all spend a lifetime trying to fill and won't quite be able to do it. 

Comment by Marsha H on October 23, 2017 at 4:26am

Dear Trina ...  You have been on my mind often and I am wondering how you are doing.  I hope you post soon and put my mind at rest.



Comment by Marsha H on October 23, 2017 at 4:25am

My dear brother Steve ...

Yup, I'm back; just got off my broomstick!  LOL 

I am so very sorry that you are suffering with your wrist and hand and I'm sure that new specialist will get to the bottom of it.  I understand your frustration because I've gone through the same thing for different issues I have.  I would also like to mention to you that when they gave you the blood test and if one of the tests was for your thyroid it's called a T3/T4 and it's not 100% accurate.  The only true accuracy you can get is by inserting dye.  You may already know this, but just wanted to be sure.

I think it would be a good idea to be checked out for ticks and if they poo-poo it you stand your ground as it doesn't matter to them one way or another whether they check your blood for Lyme Disease although I'm sure you don't have it, but best to rule it out.  I researched ticks too and in your area there are many, but not too many reported cases so hope that makes you feel better.

You aren't ranting at all Steve and you have every right to want to get to the bottom of your pain. 

I am praying hard for you and I just know you're going to get to the bottom of this.

Love you lots

Your sis Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on October 23, 2017 at 3:44am

Deborah Peck ...  When Ernie first passed away it seemed Murphy's Law was somewhere or anywhere I went some woman was either complaining about her husband or what if he passed away and it was like this type of conversation was stuck to me like glue.  Just like you I was so tempted to say something because they sure don't have a clue how it feels.  I am so proud of you that you went to the scrapbooking session.  I did 8 different family albums with stories of my family to give to my brother for Christmas in 2012 and he was in tears when he got it.  I had awesome picture right back to the 1800 of relatives and where they came from, etc.  I wanted to do this so he could pass the albums onto their sons who are in their 30's now and they could pass the albums onto their children. 

Deborah, you are making greater strides than you will ever know even though we use to call them 'baby steps', but those baby steps get us to the next level.  You are doing so well and getting strong by the day.  Take care my friend.


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