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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1333
Latest Conversations: 18 minutes ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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My love is gone...

Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by deborah peck 6 hours ago. 16 Replies

On the last day of our vacation my husband died.

Started by Andrew Berenyi Jr.. Last reply by deborah peck 17 hours ago. 33 Replies

Recent death

Started by deborah peck. Last reply by Sara Murphy 17 hours ago. 6 Replies

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Comment by Brigitte on November 27, 2009 at 5:10pm
I actually made it through Thanksgiving!! Let's see what December brings. Hope all of you did well. We will get through this and I know that Douglas was with me yesterday, just like he is with me everyday. You can't take away the memory or love I have for this wonderful man. He is my hero and guardian angel.
Comment by Brigitte on November 24, 2009 at 3:34pm
This is my first Thanksgiving holiday without my beloved Douglas. It is more difficult then I expected. I find that the lump in my throat grows larger as Thanksgiving day approaches. Just when I thought I might have it together I am reminded that I don't need to buy that 25 lb turkey, yams, and the other fixings. Who would have thought that going to the grocery store during this time of year would be so hard? I stood in front of the turkey display and started to cry. Is that silly?? I don't believe it is -- I am grateful that I can still cry. Holding it in would be more difficult and cause more grief. For Christmas I am going to sit home in front of the fireplace on a huge blow up mattress with my dog, Fremont. He and I will eat junk food, I will drink hot chocolate and he can have the whip cream, and we will watch all of those old Christmas movies that Douglas and I collected over the years on DVD. And if I want to cry and scream I will. I will be thinking of all of you during this time and know that you are in my prayers as well.

In peace,

Brigitte
Comment by Wendela on November 24, 2009 at 12:21am
I'm saying a prayer for you, and for each one of us who have lost our beloved spouses. This holiday season will be such a hard time for us all. I'm just putting one foot in front of the other, looking at making it through one day at a time, one hour at a time, one breath at a time. I believe we can do it. "Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow," as the hymn says. I'm praying that prayer for each one of us. God bless you, God bless us all.
Wendela
Comment by Ruth Richards on November 23, 2009 at 9:33pm
I'm a new member. I just finished reading all the comments. I lost my husband of 50yrs. nineteen mos. ago. I'm fine for a while and then all of a sudden I feel so lost. My husband was sick for 38 days. He died from asbestos from when he was in the Navy 50 yrs. ago. It lays dorment and when it activates it goes like wild fire. We did have enough time for all the family to say goodbye. That was a blessing. He told me to stay close to our church as he knew I would need that. The day before he went to the doctors we were both on riding lawn mowers - mowing our two acres. We did everything together. He was fine one day and dying with nothing they could do the next. We needed a wheel chair to take him in the hospital - the day before he was mowing - it made no sense. I don't get jealous seeing couples together - but when I see older couples at the mall - I went to tell them to hold hands - hang on to each other while you can - you never know what tomorrow will bring. The only regret I have is that we always said we wanted to go together, but I've come to realise that as hard as it is for me, it would have been harder for him. At least I can cook, keep the budget and keep the house up. I can't fix the lawn mowers, I have trouble when things break (that I know he could fix) but I can't. Then I tell myself he couldn't make gravy or bake a pie. I too have many times started to get in the passenger side of the car. I keep busy with stuff at church and visit the shut in's. That's my whole life now (witch isn't saying a lot) but it keeps me moving, I go to the library, I play games on the computer till very late as it's hard to sleep. I still hug his pillow that hospice gave him. I found a paper he wrote that said "Remember Mrs. Rich that HE is standing right beside you" I have it taped to my bathroom mirrow - it keeps me sane. I don't even have a picture of me by myself as we were always together. I can't complain too much as God gave us 50 wonderful years and for that I'm grateful. I just don't know how to feel whole as only half of me is here.
Thanks for listening. I pray for all of you each night.
Your new friend, Ruth
Comment by Ginni Engel on November 21, 2009 at 1:34am
Hello everyone. I am sitting here reading what everyone has written. It has been 3 years since I lost my husband. My daughter and I came home from my all girl birthday dinner and found him on the floor. He was purple. I tried to give him CPR, no response. I never got to say goodbye to him. He was just gone. My heart aches, I never wanted my daughter to see what she saw that night. Gary, too, was an awesome man, a man that everyone wanted to be around. He was my best friend, lover, confidant and he is missed more than words can say. I want to tell you it gets easier, not neccessarily better, but easier to live as time goes on. I find myself breathing easier, my sense of smell has come back - or at least I notice aromas again. I even see myself in the next year or so, ready to "date" again. That is, if I can find someone who can put up with me! You see, Gary was the love of my life - but my life isn't over yet. Even though, after Gary died, I thought it was. Gary would want me to move on, and yes, I feel guilty for even thinking of it...but life must go on. I love love. I love to be in love and I need to be loved. Gary was my inspiration in the life we had together. Now is the time for me to find out what else can inspire me to be the best I can be.... Don't close down, do weep, scream and get mad! Get it out of your system. Feel your feelings, feel your pain, own it. But remember that life goes on. You will feel like you are going through the motions ( Somedays I still do ), but everyday you make it through, is another day of the pain easing up. I find myself smiling, joking around and yes, feeling that someday I could love again. I want ot love again!!! Gary and I had a great relationship - a great love. I want that again. I want to sip wine with someone, hold hands, snuggle and I know that Gary would want me too. It may be a couple more years before I take the 1st step and put myself out there. But I can see it happening. I see my life, I see who I am again, and I like what I see. We are all strong people, our relationships made us strong. Own it. Ginni
Comment by linda woodbridge on November 20, 2009 at 10:42pm
HELLO EVERYONE,
I AM HAVING A VERY HARD TIME TONIGHT.NOV.21/08.MY HUSBAND BOB PASSED AWAY FROM TERMINAL COLIN CANCER.HE PUT HIMSELF BACK INTO HOSPICE.THAT WAS ON NOV.11/08, HE PASSED AWAY ON NOV.21/08, AROUND 11PM, WE THINK. I SPOKE TO HIM AT 9PM THAT NIGHT. HE SOUNDED OK. I GOT THE CALL AT 8AM NEXT DAY. IN A BLINK OF AN EYE MY LIFE HAS CHANGED FOREVER! I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU ALL HURT, I PRAY WE CAN ALL COME THROUGH THIS.THE TYPE OF PAIN I FEEL IS SO BAD, I MISS MY HUSBAND BOB.HE WAS ALSO MY VERY BEST FRIEND. BOB KEPT TELLING ME HE WOULD STAY AS LONG AS HE COULD.BLESS HIS BIG LOVING KIND HEART. HE FOUHGT SO HARD TO BE WITH ME. I AM SO NOT EVEN READY TO STEP INTO THE REAL WORL YET. WHAT DO I DO WITH OUT MY BOB? I TRIED TO GO TO A GROUP, I COULD NOT LOOK AT THE FILMS THEY SHARED I HAD TO LEAVE. I TRIED FIVE TIMES.TWENTY EIGHT YEARS WENT BY SO FAST. LIFE IS FAST AND CAN BE VERY HARD.I FEEL VERY SICK RIGHT NOW. THANK YOU ALL FOR LETTING ME BE HERE.YOUR FRIEND, LINDA
Comment by Denise MacCallum on November 20, 2009 at 7:28pm
The holidays are upon us and I'm not ready for them without my best friend and love of my life....Robbie passed away on 10/20/09 from lung and liver cancer...He only lived for 3 months....I still can't believe that he is gone....I just want to be alone for the holidays and not see anyone....The pain has been unbearable at times....
Miss him so so much...
Denise
Comment by Brigitte on November 20, 2009 at 3:06pm
My best friend, soul mate and husband died on July 17, 2009 from complications due to end stage Parkinson's disease. He had just turned 62 and we celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary. Douglas was diagnosed with Parkinson's when he was 38 -- we had been married two years. He was and is the love of my life. I miss him so very much and with the holidays upon me I am dreading them like never before. Douglas was under Hospice care for the last 10 days of his life. On the day he died I had to have him transported to the Hospice center from home because he was no longer able to swallow the morphine. To watch a beautiful person slip away like that and not being able to stop it is without a doubt the most difficult thing I have ever had to endure. Someone asked me how I would describe the pain -- "it is like going to the dentist and having a shot to numb the area -- after that numbness wears off the pain begins" -- and I am deep in the middle of pain. Crying does help, and screaming into my pillow has given me some joy! Before Douglas died I told him that he would always be my hero and guardian angel. Everytime I see a feather I know he is with me -- and I have seen a lot of feathers since July 17, 2009. That gives me great comfort. I know what each of you is feeling. As we struggle to discover our "new" normal because our "old" normal has been forever changed, may we always be able to share our story, our words of encouragement, and our love for each other as well as our spouses. They would have wanted that! In peace, Brigitte
Comment by judy on November 20, 2009 at 1:01pm
My dear, sweet husband, richard died feb. 10,2009.My depression is worse than ever, and I really dont know if i am going to live through this. I wish i had died, rich could have handled this better.I miss him so very much! judy latty
Comment by Sheryl on November 19, 2009 at 8:13am
I lost my husband Nov 2, 2009 at home. He suffered 3 1/2 yrs with Pancriatic Cancer. Surgery and an early diagnosis gave him the extra time, but the last yr. was the hardest. I have been in denial that I would loose him, and now it is really tough. Going back to work this week was harder than I thought, it is like the grieving started at day 1 again. I can relate to sherry eagen with her husbands loss. All the paper work associated really aggitates me, although my husband really thought ahead and tried to do all he could to prevent extra work for me. He was the love of my life for 39 yrs., we met when I was 16 and he was 17. He served in the Marines for 3 yrs., Vietnam vet and father of 3. How do I find out who I am now, and how do I go from here. We did everything together.
 

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