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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Started by denise. Last reply by Sara Murphy Oct 10. 3 Replies

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Kaela Roster Federle Sep 25. 27 Replies

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Comment by BoLynn on April 21, 2010 at 9:54pm
A Poem~
Close Your Eyes
by Judy Burnette

I can't be with you today
but if you close your eyes and think;
I'll be beside you in the kitchen
wearing your shirt - standing by the sink.

I'll be with you in the bedroom
waiting quietly on your bed;
Just close your eyes and think of me,
relive those memories in your head.

I'll stand by you in the bathroom,
an unlikely place to meet;
I'll smile at you so playfully
as I let you brush my teeth.

I'll be your light in the darkness,
shining steady through and through;
You only have to watch it glow
to know I think of you.

I'll be the music that you listen to,
I'll be there in every song:
I'll laugh with you and sing with you,
and comfort you when your day's gone wrong.

I'll be the wind that ruffles your hair,
I'll be that warm embrace;
I'll be the hand on your shoulder,
I'll be the tender touch on your face.

I'll be the clock gently ticking,
reminding you of the times;
We've shut the rest of the world outside
we're in our own world - yours and mine.

I'll be the moon as it dances
on the water cold and still;
For I have loved you always
and I know I always will.

Though you may not see me physically
as you live your life today;
Just close your eyes and think of me
I will not be far away.
Comment by deborah diggs on April 21, 2010 at 8:26pm
Hi everyone. Dotti, I too needed more and more explanations about why my Byron died. I knew he hd medical issues, but I didnt see death coming the way it did. I was so afraid that perhaps the doctors didnt didn't do all they could,,,but looking bck i can see that they did. I saw myslef as this spiritually sound person, who had a healthy perspective about life and death. Well, my husband 51 years old died ,and I dont have a handle on any of this. Its been 35 days, and its still hard for me believe it...I have moments of feeling okay, and thinking i can make it. Then as soon as the evening approaches, i can feel the grief sinking in...Today I felt a bit of joy, because I got my drivers license...Byron was the driver, and i never wanted to do it...He spoiled me in that way...I know he was proud of me today...I passed my road test. Then I realized that I will never take a road trip with him,,,and I was sad again,,,,every day,,,sadness,,,will it ever ease up...I mean the pain of missing him is so very very deep,,,,I was cleaning out the end table drawer and i came across his watch,and i thought i was not going to stop crying ever...That's when I logged on here..This is hell...
Comment by Dotti on April 21, 2010 at 6:10pm
Hello everyone,
I found that Im trying so hard to blame someone for my Donnies cancer. I went to our family Dr. today. He showed me all the liver emzyme tests that Donnie had since last September. Even up until November they were normal. He did another blood test at the end of December. When Donnie went to him in January they ballooned up over 700!!!!! so that is when he had him go to the gastrologist and they did the scope and found the cancer. It was no ones fault and no one to blame. Just a rare form of cancer that grew like crazy. I guess I feel somewhat better knowing that there was nothing we could do. It was just his time. Im not ready to let him go and Im so heartbroken I can barely stand it. Today has been awful. I had a girl I work with tell me today how well Im taking all this. If she only knew I feel like I'm falling apart. I just want to be with him.
Comment by Yvonne on April 21, 2010 at 12:33pm
Bill
It is so good to see you back here again. I have been thinking of you and am glad that even though it is a struggle you are moving forward. It is a hard journey and today I feel as though I am back at the beginning. Take care and together we will make it. Yvonne
Comment by Bill Geddings on April 21, 2010 at 12:14pm
Life continues to be a struggle for me on a daily basis. It has been 9mths now and still feels as if it was yesterday. I'm trying so hard to get back into the rat race of life, but it too has been a struggle! I miss him so much. I've tried to date a few times but really wasn't into it. Everyone keeps telling me that I'm looking for Phillip in another person. Maybe I am but I also know there will never be another him. I guess I 'm just having on
Comment by kathleen caylor on April 21, 2010 at 7:40am
Tom,I asked a similar question on the discussion page in Feb.Regarding prolonging our misery.What I've seen is even though it's been a while for some of us,there is still the need to communicate when the need arises.Like Lois said 2-3 years to grieve.And lets face it we are all grieving.You can see for yourself the progress of some and others not so much.Bumps in the road!!But just like life we are all different.So is the way we're dealing with death.
Comment by judy on April 20, 2010 at 11:07am
Dear Tom, I also have a houseful... 9 cats a alittle pug named Stella..I set them all down the other day and told them they need to start looking for jobs, as it is getting harder to buy food!! Needless to say, they looked at me and walked away...... my husband loved each of them, they were so comforting to him.
Comment by judy on April 20, 2010 at 10:59am
I would like to thank, Sarah, SharonStrickland,Wendela,Ivaras, Pamela Thomas, and Marie, you all sent a reply to me in December, I never answered, Not because I didnt care ,I just had no more words left. Now, its April, and Im still heart- broken...Im going to a grief counsler, but I actually feel worse when I leave her office.. will I ever feel better? Day and night I long for Rich, he was my life, his love for me was constant, no matter what. I wish somebody could help me, Im so sad. Thanks for listening, Judy Latty
Comment by Yvonne on April 20, 2010 at 1:53am
You know Tom, I think you are right. Why would anyone want to hang around someone who is feeling sorry for themselves? It is very difficult for us to see beyond our grief, but as a friend told me, the world is still waiting for us and is still progressing. We can't allow ourselves to sit back and do nothing. Our loved ones would be ashamed of us if that is what we did. They would only want the best for us now as they did when they were with us.
Besides Tom you have 11 mouths to feed and all those stores to support!!! LOL
Comment by Diane on April 19, 2010 at 2:33pm
My husband passesd away January 6, 2009. I too, end up at the starting line in the grieving process. Sometimes, I think, wow, you've come along way. Then something happens and it starts all over again. Maybe because I didn't get the chance to ask him why.?? The only I dreams I have of him are nightmares. My youngest son and I have spent the last year fighting. He dropped out of school for a while. Why? Because he honestly believed that I was responsible for his dad dying. Anyways, I know I did not force my husband to become a meth user.

Guess I really don't understand.
 

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