Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22. 2 Replies

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25. 4 Replies

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Kaela Roster Federle Sep 25. 27 Replies

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Comment by Peg Otley on June 4, 2010 at 12:01pm
Dear Bill,
Although it is almost 6 mos. since I lost my love of my life after 39 yrs. together, I KNOW i am going to feel the same as I do now when the anniversary approaches also. That will be Dec. 13. Christmas will always have a dark cloud over it for me. I WISH I had the words to make your pain go away but he truth is, it probably will never go away. All I can suggest is to reflect on the good times on that day and not the details of his passing. I know....easier said than done. what I'm suggesting is maybe when you have a sad moment, TRY to overshadow it with the thought of his smile or something funny that happened and MOST important don't spend the day alone. That will make it worse. That gives you too much time to sit and think. You know, Bill I have NO idea if this will work. I may be just sitting here blowing smoke but THAT is what I TRY to do when I get in this mode. Father's day is coming and that's going to be tough, more for my children as I still am lucky enough to have my 80 yr. old Dad even after several close calls. I WILL definitely miss my beloved Harry that day as I do every day but I'm going to try this technique and see if it helps on that day. I will pray that you are able to get through this with minimal pain.
Comment by Bill Geddings on June 4, 2010 at 10:47am
thank you for all your prayers and support. I have really been having a hard time as his anniversary date of his passing grows nearer which is on July 21st. It still feels as if it was yesterday. I really miss my best friend and partner. My whole world was turned upside down when he passed and I'm still trying to start over with a new life! Any words of encouragement or wisdom, please let me know! Take care and to all much love!
Comment by Peg Otley on June 4, 2010 at 12:13am
I must have been blind for a while. I see Tom's comment now. I'm glad. Started getting worried for a minute there.
Comment by Connie on June 3, 2010 at 10:04pm
Helen, My heart goes out to you for making that very difficult decision. I was saved from that by the Grace of God. My daughters and I had an appointment on Monday, 11/9/09, at 9:30 a.m. with my husband's doctors to discuss stopping treatment because he was not responding to anything they were doing. At 6:00 a.m. that morning, I got a call from his nurse that suddenly his heart rate started dropping and at that point was at 34. My daughter and I rushed to the hospital which is only 10 minutes from my home and when we got there he had already passed. Had I had to go through with that meeting, I don't know what I would have done. I thank my husband and God for not making me make the decision. He chose to go in his own time and when he was ready and he knew that I could not bear to make that decision even though I know it would have been the kindest thing to do for my husband. I feel so very bad for you because I know that it would have been so very difficult for me as I am sure it was for you. You have to know in your heart that even though it is so difficult, that your husband would probably have wanted it that way. Helen, don't beat your self up over it. You have to believe that you did the right thing. May God Bless You and I will keep you in my prayers.
Comment by Dotti on June 3, 2010 at 9:17pm
My God Pam Im right there with you. Im so depressed I just want to die just so I can be with my Donnie. My heart has this giant hole in it. I leave work and barely get to another parking lot so I can cry for awhile. This is awful. I miss him so much.. It has also been 3 months for me. I thought as time went by things would get easier but that is not the case. I feel like there is no use for living anymore. I have to go and get help I cant do this on my own... Im sorry I know my thoughts are all over the place. My kids are here for me most of the time but its not the same..nothing is the same anymore.. Please pray for me
Comment by Pam on June 3, 2010 at 8:42pm
I'm new to this site. Saturday will be 3 months that I lost my husband Bob. I think of him every second of the day and miss him so much it hurts. I can only hope in time it will get better. I wonder if I will ever be the same again. I don't know what to do with myself. If I wasn't at work I was with Bob. I'm so lost. I need someone to give me hope that in time it will be better.
Comment by Peg Otley on June 3, 2010 at 8:20pm
It's odd not to see a comment from Tom for a couple days...or am I missing it?
Comment by Virginia on June 3, 2010 at 7:01pm
If I offended anyone here I am very sorry. It was not intentional. Virginia
Comment by Yvonne on June 3, 2010 at 4:19pm
Helen I am so sorry for your loss. I am also so sad that you feel so alone. I think the loneliness is almost the worst. No one to share your thoughts with, no one to count on, no one to hug and hold you. I lost my husband of 38 years August 9, 2009 to a heart attack. I also blame myself for not making him go to the doctor the day before he passed away. He was not feeling well, but thought it was some kind of flu that was going around and refused to go to the doctor. He passed away in his sleep at 6:30 am. Although we can't change what has happened to us, I know we all wish we had just another 10 minutes, an hour or day. But it is not to be and we must endure our lot in life. It is not easy as we all know. It is so nice to have people on here that understand. Take care and together we can all make it.
Comment by Helen Carll on June 3, 2010 at 3:28pm
This time last year my husband was fighting for his life in the hospital and with the help of the doctors and hospital he lost the battle which he fought bravely for years. They wanted to take him off life support and I must with much sorrow and regret when along with them. After spending 10 days watching him improving, then getting worse, not sleeping, I made the biggest mistake in my life by allowing them to basically contribute to his death. How I could give anything to have this time back so I would make different decisions. Even his daughter wanted him taken off of life support and when he was being slowlly dying she did not even stay at the hospital to comfort. She was my stapdaughter. Now I do not hear from his 3 children. I feel his daughter wanted him to die because of her mother and what a good life we had together to almost 30 years. My life has not gotten better and easier and I know it never will. I have no one to share life with - like going to dinner, going to church, going to the movies, even going to the doctors. I have not seen a doctor since my beloved died and I really do not care. All I feel like doing is crying. I miss him so and pray he will come back. I have even said prayers asking God to send him back - prayers that are supposed to never fail. I wish I could meet you in person to share this grief because I am lonesome.

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