Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 5 Replies

Lost my husband

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Started by denise. Last reply by Jeanette McSherry Aug 31. 6 Replies

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Comment by Virginia on August 10, 2010 at 6:05pm
mary i'm thinking of you, hugs to you
Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on August 10, 2010 at 12:35pm
We have a small fat candle, one of a few that we used for when we had power failures. LouAnn's smell is coming from that one candle.If I asked anyone,without telling them, what this smells like, they have all said, thats LouAnn. I also hear songs now that are meant for me and LouAnn. I'm glad. I know she is around. Hugs to all.Hugs are good.
Comment by kathy obiedzinski on August 10, 2010 at 10:21am
tina: please take day by day i went thru the same thing by myself my anniversity birthday vacation etc. the first christmas was pure hell so was new years eve new years day every holiday all i did was cry. you only began your journey thru this horrible grieving spell. please take day by day. i remember the first holiday without george all i wanted to do is leave the place that i went to i suppose because everyone was having a good time except me. you must take day by day and be strong. we are here for you wheneven you are down in the dumps. take care please stay here we have 2 shoulder and 2 ears and will be here for you when you need us
Comment by TINA GREER on August 10, 2010 at 8:13am
I can't even imagine what it is going to be like without Larry for the holidays. I have just made it through the first month... I haven't even changed the calender to August yet... just can't make myself do it. I can't even imagine Thanksgiving, his birthday (Nov. 28) Christmas, New Years Eve, our anniversary (May 20)... I was talking to my mom yesterday and was telling her that Larry and I always made sure that we spend New Years eve with my dad while she went to church... we would play cards... we did it because we always said that it may be my dads last new years, and we wanted to make sure we spent it with him... little did we know it was Larry's last one. I just don't know how I am going to make it through this.
Comment by Virginia on August 9, 2010 at 6:28pm
yaca, i have to agree with you about the holidays, holidays for us was a joyous time for us, mike was a big kid and couldent wait for christmas day last year was a very sad sad day for all of us and i don't think this one will be any better just the thought of it really makes me cring, god bless
Comment by Yaca Attwood on August 9, 2010 at 5:55pm
Yes, the turn of the calendar - the arrival of school supplies, backpacks and the fact that _Christmas_ items are starting to appear in the stores (grrrrrrr) herald the soon arrival of the holidays - a difficult time, at best, and often agonizing after the death of a beloved.

Even though we were not much for holidays - it was still something to have another person around, even if all we did was watch DVD's or movies. Last December was truly a St. John of the Cross "Long Night Of The Soul" - loneliness, ashes, tears and grief. New Year's Eve - I think I went to bed around 6 PM or so - the entire week between Christmas and New Year's was an endurance contest.

This coming year? I probably won't feel quite so bad, but I will miss my Old, Tired, Decrepit White Man With No Gluetus Maximus. All the books say, "get out, do something for others, take care of yourself, do something even if you don't feel like it, etc, etc"

I just find that so hard to do, especially when I tend to be somewhat fried when I get home (a looooong day of Oracle, SQL Server, UNIX, Windows, meeetings, documentation, users, problems, etc tends to do that) - I tend to watch either Nickelodeon or science programming (astronomy in particular)

Not looking forward to the holidays at all.....
Comment by Virginia on August 9, 2010 at 5:50pm
wow barb that was so beautifull and i think it hits home with most of us, mary thank you for reposting it god bless
Comment by Mary on August 9, 2010 at 4:48pm
I have just added a copy of the e-mail Barb sent us. I know it was cut in half and I was glad to find the full copy so I could finish reading this inspiring story. Thanks to Barb for sharing it with all of us.
Comment by Mary on August 9, 2010 at 4:45pm
Barb ChamberlainAugust 9, 2010 at 5:45pm
Subject: Hi

Back in 1932, I was a fairly new husband. My wife, Nettie and I were living in a little apartment on Chicago 's south side. One hot August afternoon I had to go to St. Louis where I was to be the featured soloist at a large revival meeting. I didn't want to go. Nettie was in the last month of pregnancy with our first child. But a lot of people were expecting me in St. Louis . I kissed Nettie good-bye, clattered downstairs to our Model A and, in a fresh Lake Michigan breeze, chugged out of Chicago on Route 66.

However, outside the city, I discovered that in my anxiety at leaving, I had forgotten my music case. I wheeled around and headed back.

I found Nettie sleeping peacefully. I hesitated by her bed; something was strongly telling me to stay. But eager to get on my way, and not wanting to disturb Nettie, I shrugged off the feeling and quietly slipped out of the room with my music.

The next night, in the steaming St. Louis heat, the crowd called on me to sing again and again. When I finally sat down, a messenger boy ran up with a Western Union telegram. I ripped open the envelope. Pasted on the yellow sheet were the words: YOUR WIFE JUST DIED.

People were happily singing and clapping around me, but I could hardly keep from crying out. I rushed to a phone and called home. All I could hear on the other end was "Nettie is dead. Nettie is dead."

When I got back, I learned that Nettie had given birth to a boy. I swung between grief and joy. Yet that same night, the baby died. I buried Nettie and our little boy together, in the same casket. Then I fell apart.

For days I closeted myself. I felt that God had done me an injustice. I didn't want to serve Him anymore or write gospel songs. I just wanted to go back to that jazz world I once knew so well. But then, as I hunched alone in that dark apartment those first sad days, I thought back to the afternoon I went to St. Louis. Something kept telling me to stay with Nettie. Was that something God? Oh, if I had paid more attention to Him that day, I would have stayed and been with Nettie when she died.

From that moment on I vowed to listen more closely to Him. But still I was lost in grief. Everyone was kind to me, especially one friend. The following Saturday evening he took me up to Maloney's Poro College, a neighborhood music school. It was quiet; the late evening sun crept through the curtained windows.

I sat down at the piano, and my hands began to browse over the keys. Something happened to me then. I felt at peace. I felt as though I could reach out and touch God. I found myself playing a melody, once into my head they just seemed to fall into place: "Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on, let me stand, I am tired, I am weak, I am worn, through the storm, through the night, lead me on to the light, take my hand, precious Lord, lead me home."

The Lord gave me these words and melody, He also healed my spirit. I learned that when we are in our deepest grief, when we feel farthest from God, this is when He is closest, and when we are most open to His restoring power.

And so I go on living for God willingly and joyfully, until that day comes when He will take me and gently lead me home.

-Tommy Dorsey-

For those too young to know who he is, Tommy Dorsey was a band leader in the Thirties and Forties.
Did you know that Tommy Dorsey wrote this song? I surely didn't. What a wonderful story of how God CAN heal the brokenhearted! Beautiful, isn't it?

Worth the reading, wasn't it? Think on the message for a while. Thought you might like to share this--I just did.
Comment by Elaine Richmond on August 9, 2010 at 4:12pm
Barb, I wanted to read the rest of your posting, but I do not know how to find you. The one about the birth of the son "Precious Lord" Please someone tell me, right about now I really need to read that.

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