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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Bad and even worse days

Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Richard Gordon Jun 1. 4 Replies

Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Comment by Jeanette Kilpatrick on December 22, 2009 at 4:58pm
I keep promising everyone that I will not be depressed, but it happens anyway. I am working real hard at helping the homeless shelter and counting my blessings and it has been a life saver for me but I still think about my husband of 60 years real often and though I would not ask for him to come back in the condition he was in and suffering the way he did, I miss him terribly. I will survive though, if that is God's will, and you will to somehow. Let's count our blessings and try to go on. As for Christmas, be happy for the ones left behind. They need us too. Love to all, Jeanette
Comment by Yaca Attwood on December 22, 2009 at 2:00pm
It sneaks up on you...Christmas - it has been six months since 29 June 2009, when my husband died, and in the last several weeks - I've had long stretches when I didn't cry, when I could remember him without dissolving into tears.

And then, I went to Mass on 12/20, the 4th Sunday of Advent, and I start crying all over again, because I realize that it's Christmas, and he didn't make it - even though we never did all that much for the holidays (we both would have liked to keep working, keep busy [and in Information Technology, the servers and the DataCenter don't know that it's Christmas or New Year's or what have you - if a server comes down, or a database becomes available - you _will_ get called!])

Anyway, I was surprised about how much the grief has returned, and how Christmas songs start me crying, and the like - I'm sure I will be at Midnight Mass with the tears pouring - and 2500+ (I attend the largest Catholic church in the Diocese of San Bernardino) people will simply have to deal with it...

Peace, blessings, healing and comfort be upon you all!
Comment by Rhonda on December 22, 2009 at 1:49am
I lost my husband on Thanksgiving 2008. He was diagnosed with advanced esophageal cancer on Aug 28, and exactly 3 months later. The cancer did not kill him. He was just finishing his first cycle, and we were feeling hopeful, and 2 days later, he is in the emergency room. His doctor 'fried' him, basically. He took him off all his heart meds, despite denying that and caused him to go into sepsis, followed by septic shock which is what he died from. I am still angry when I think about the level of negligence that was incurred, maybe because I'm a nurse. We were married for 31 years....and to be truthful, it wasn't a good marriage. He was troubled with addictions, depression, and sleep apnea. When he was good, our marriage was awesome....but when he was bad, the relationship turned physically and emotionally violent. We both came from broken homes and had 2 children, we didn't want to repeat the cycle, so we stayed married.....despite it all. I didn't think I loved my husband, as awful as that sounds, until his cancer diagnosis, and especially after his death. It broke my spirit. We just renewed our committment shortly before his death, and when he died, my heart died too. 6 months later, I was diagnosed with colon cancer....I only have 2 more treatments to go, but I just keep getting whomped in the head by this Cancer demon. Make it worse by my son not speaking to me, thank god I have my daughter. My son told me that I made his father's life hell and that he is glad that he is passed and "finally" in peace. My son then spread rumors to my husband's family, and now they alienate me....and so its just my daughter and I. The grief has gotten better, but whenever I think of him, my heart drops still.
Comment by Brigitte on December 21, 2009 at 1:08pm
I am spending my first Christmas without my soulmate and best friend. Douglas has been gone for 5 months now but it still feels like yesterday. He would want me to go forward and every day I take a few more steps along the path of our plans that are now my plans. One day he and I will be reunited and we will have the Christmas of all time!
Comment by sheryll on December 20, 2009 at 2:46pm
It will be six months on Christmas eve that I have lost my wonderful husband, I wasn't going to put up a tree this year I didn't think I could bare it, but my 21/2 grandaughter will be here on Christmas eve so I had a friend help me put one up, and I am glad I did Dan would have wanted me to ,he so loved this time of year. time does help some I will never stop missing him, but I have wonderful friends and a great son who has been there for me every step of the way, so I am having some better days, thats not to say I don't have at least one time during the day that I don't cry a little, but Dan taught me to be a strong person, and he would want me to carry on and do what I need to do to live. No one will ever take his place or measure up to the person he was, I believe you are given only one soulmate and he was mine, but I still have to go on living until I get to go be with him again
Comment by judy on December 19, 2009 at 10:40pm
Gary hasn't been gone a month yet,he died on thanksgiving day and everyday i hate the thought of christmas and new years day approaching, people say merry christmas to me everyday cuz i work in the parking at the airport and seeig everyone so happy to have their loved ones home for the holidays makes me sick, i try to be happy for them, but i find myself just thinking how empty i feel inside and how much i miss Gary and how unfair it all seems. this mancame through my line and told me to smile it can't be that bad and i cried and told him he didn't have a clue how bad it is. I don't understand why and if only we could go back to last year when i was one of those people who looked forward to the holidays and just be whole again. I know God had a reason and i try so hard not to question, but eachday i have to be here still i just pray please take me to, i see no happiness or future it's just so painful. May God Bless you all during this tough time in our lives and one day may we all understand that one question......WHY?
Comment by Hazel on December 18, 2009 at 4:31pm
Hi ann iunderstand how you feel i have been trying to do so many things to take the hurt away we were married for almost 33 years and hollowdays are really hard i just try an thank about all the memories an pray.keep the faith stay close to your church family i thank about days we had at his ending how we found each other we will be allright if we keep praying and believe an trust in God Hazel be blessed.
Comment by violet la pollo on December 18, 2009 at 2:32pm
to me when your spouse dies so do you,your heart and emotions come to an end and all the happy people who are out christmas shopping together make it hurt even worse,I wish I could sleep from november till jan 2nd and not have to put on a front for others,I may sound bitter and in reality I am and I do not want to feel this way
Comment by kathleen caylor on December 18, 2009 at 12:28pm
On Sept.9,2009 I lost my husband.Nov.20 was our 44th anniversary.I stayed busy all day but it didn,t help.As thanksgiving came and went and Christmas fast approaching I came to the realization,that it doesn't matter what day it is.I miss him every minute of every day.So it doesn't matter what the the date is.What tears me up is that my children are so sad.I have to be "strong" for them.
Comment by Timothy Edge on December 17, 2009 at 12:29pm
Today is as hard as the day she left me to be with god and the angels.I dont know where to start life again,I have a 13 yr old son who needs help,but i am not strong enough.God...I love you Lisa.
 

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