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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 28, 2020 at 2:58pm

Dearest Sara,

Indeed that empty place within each of our hearts can be overwhelming. Is it because of all that's happening, or just because I am getting older and more nostalgic and emotional? I don't know, but anniversaries and holidays are all seeming to be more draining and dsitracting - even my dreams are getting more ...I don't want to say upsetting, but perhaps unsettling is the word.

Your work is such a good thing to have - I am relying more on small projects to distract my mind when I can, or start cleaning or cooking just to focus on anything other than my former life with Larry.

I send you a big hug from afar, and know Ken would be with you going through this if he could - June 15th will mark Larry's and my anniversary of the day we met in 1983 - that will be 37 years for us. Like you, I imagine how we would try to celebrate without dining out (Larry's absolutely favorite thing, and always someplace fancy and embarrassingly expensive!)

Be well Sara, stay safe, and know that Steve and I are raising a glass to toast you and Ken this evening, and the enduring love you share for all time.

Love, Chuck 

Comment by Todd B. Goodrich on May 28, 2020 at 2:19pm

Hi Sara!

Sending you hugs and prayers today. Hoping you are well.

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 28, 2020 at 2:12pm
Well today should be my 31st wedding anniversary. I can't help but think what Ken and I would be doing to celebrate although probably not much this year since going out to dinner is out of the question. So glad I'm working and had a couple meetings today to focus on something other than that empty place
Comment by deborah peck on May 25, 2020 at 1:05pm

Hoping everyone is having a safe holiday weekend, not much different here except my kids and grandkids came over and we all hung out around my firepit which is quite large so we were all apart, was nice though, haven't been around them since this started, I grilled yesterday but have still been quarantine in my home, don't trust the media or the doctors just yet. I have to go to the dermatologist wed to have more skin cancer removed on my face, ughh, don't know if Im more  afraid of the procedure or being that close to someone, crazy world we live in right now. Praying for everyones continued good health

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 24, 2020 at 2:14am

Hi Mary Jane and all,

Mary Jane, I am with you - more than a little alarmed by the fact that there seems to be a somewhat collective desire to believe something that isn't yet supported by facts here or abroad. When told that safety precautions are more for the protection of other people than yourself, one might have hoped that an altruistic mindset would prevail, and in many places it has - but where it hasn't could possibly lead to widespread continued infection of innocent souls who are very venerable and have themselves been diligent about safety. 

Thursday someone we know decided to drop by unannounced. He was aware that Steve and I are isolating and have been having a bit of a lousy week. Thursday AM the doorbell rang and when I looked through the peephole there was a man in full hasmat gear -  goggles, mask, gloves and suit with boots, holding a sign saying  "CDC HOUSE-TO-HOUSE COVID 19 CHECK. DON'T PANIC.'" I kept the stormdoor closed and answered with nods or shaking my head as he held up questions about anyone in the household being tested positive, etc. Finally, the last sign said surprise, it's me Rick! Apparently he bought this costume online and was going around as if it was Halloween. Only in Texas... 

Once my heart started beating normally again, I told him we were doing better, thanked him for the visit, and he left. Maybe it's just me, but somehow I don't find the stunt funny - I know a family as I've told you who are grieving their mom while trying to place their dependent sister. I doubt they would appreciate jokes about infection or testing, yet this friends mindset seems to be not unusual in this part of the country for reasons about which I won't share my opinion - they would censor my language for sure.

So, thanks for letting me vent a bit as we go through a Memorial Day weekend that will be so tragically difficult for so many people and families while other people flock to bars and beaches, glad that "it's over '. 

It is most definitely not over.

Love to all and God bless and protect everyone.

Love, Chuck

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 23, 2020 at 6:57pm

Happy holiday to all. Thanks for the warm wishes everyone. I am in Northern California..in the middle of a heat wave. AND, idiots all over are flocking to rivers and lakes as if all was fine! 

Melinda lives in a resort area, surrounded by summer cabins, and owners who haven,t been there for years are arriving this weekend. We are both HORRIFIED at the stupidity. Now, these folks have owned these cabins for generations,  so they will b careful it isn’t random stupid people..but makes you wonder.

A lot of the restrictions have been  loosened..and I understand human nature and being unable to grasp the severity of this for such a long time..but good intentions..and all that....people forget.

Eek!

Comment by Steve G. on May 23, 2020 at 6:34pm

Staying inside is safer, especially here in TX.

Cases are ticking upwards as more and more folks are out at the lakes and restaurants.

Chuck and I fine with watching movies on Roku and cleaning out closets and other indoor projects.

Chuck and I wish one and all a happy and safe Memorial Weekend.

Love and hugs to all our Angels.

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 23, 2020 at 3:29pm

Hi Todd...Wishing you a nice Memorial Day weekend. 

Hope all my angels are able to enjoy some time safely outdoors.

Comment by Todd B. Goodrich on May 22, 2020 at 5:01pm

Sending all you angels blessed wishes for this Memorial Day Weekend! I hope you are all well. 

- Todd

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 16, 2020 at 10:32am

Deb....I'm sending a hug to you today.  It's sad (at least for me) that all happy joyous occasions are tinged with sadness because Ken can't be here to celebrate with us.  Knowing that he's still with us and happy for us doesn't quite do the trick.  Perhaps at some point in the future, your grandson can make visiting the ballparks a memorial trip for his grandpa....maybe even with his own son some day.  Make sure Fenway Park is on his list.

My sister and her family have always lived with my parents so my nieces lived with their grandparents who were very involved in their lives.  One of them was 15 when my father passed away in July 2018 and on his last day in the ICU with all of us (I have 4 siblings) gathered with him, that niece was so distraught and crying about "who's going to do this with me now, who's going to that with me now".  One of those things was watching all the ballgames together and talking about the Red Sox.  I really feel for your grandson and I'm sorry for the pain he's in.

I hope today is a better day

 

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