Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: 17 minutes ago
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by deborah peck 6 hours ago.
Started by Andrew Berenyi Jr.. Last reply by deborah peck 17 hours ago.
Started by deborah peck. Last reply by Sara Murphy 17 hours ago.
Deborah, I know what you mean about waking being so bad. For months I would wake up as I always have only to remember she was gone absolutely never to come back and I would freak out. Slowly that will stop and you will know immediately that he is gone. It is better not to go though the having to remind yourself.
My wife died in May, 2016 and I have not moved her clothes or things on her dresser. We had been together for 45 years and I never thought she would go before me. I have been in a wheelchair for 14 years and ill some. She was in great shape, but was diagnosed with a brain tumor and she died 5 months later. I am still devastated. Our 4 dogs give me pleasure, but little else does. We had no children and I have no family. I am some better as I have come to accept that she is gone.
I lost Mark November, 31st, 2014, he and I were together for 25 years. Mark was a very giving person, more so than I, he would always give of himself and his last dollar if someone he saw looked as if they needed it. We both loved animals and we had our dog Bella (a mix of Mastiff and Rhodesian Ridgeback) 80 lbs of pure love for us and for anyone brave enough to get past her size. She loved humans, period, other animals she saw as fair game so we kept her away from dogs her size. She wasn't aggressive and Mark could snap his fingers and she would back down. Me, instead of me walking her, it was usually the reverse. After he passed on, Bella responded daily to my moods and emotions. She would leave the room while I was crying, if I crying for too long (according to her timetable) she would come back in the room and take her big paw and place it on top of me as if to say "hey, I need to go out". So, if I had not had Bella I really do not know how I got out of bed each day, her timetable was set long before Mark passed.
One Sunday in the December of 2014, Bella and I went out for our walk, I noticed that someone was going through the dumpster in our parking lot for the Apartment complex. Bella wanted to check this out, I tugged on her collar and we went on home. As I got inside the door, something popped into my head reminding me that maybe we had something in our apartment that that person may need, something no else inside needed anylonger. So I peeked out of the window towards the dumpster, and someone had thrown away clothing and the man was collecting things and even putting some of them on, he was obviously cold. So, I started collecting things out of closets to take down, things I no longer wanted and took them to the dumpster, The man saw me coming and asked if I needed help (my hands were full and I was wobbly with my load). I said no, he said, I noticed you live upstairs and be glad to help you...you don.t need to worry, I would not come in you could just pile it up outside. I said thanks, but I need to get the exercise, I have a bad ankle and walking helps. He said ok and went back to what he was doing, and looked over at what I put down and asked if I had more stuff like that, he collects stuff and sells it to the local thrift store. By this time I could hear Mark in my head telling me to help this guy out, so I said yes, wait here I will return with another load. Going back I collected some of Mark's long sleeve shirts still lying on the closet floor that needed washing, scooped them up and headed back along with items I new he could get a good price for. He was really happy and I told him I had more. He asked if I might happen to have a jacket or coat that I no longer needed (the sun was out but it was still about 25 degrees out). I got back to the apartment and Mark's overcoat was staring at me, I hesitated, and then out of nowhere, in my mind something said what are you going to do with it, it is too big for you to wear? So I grabbed the full length wool overcoat along with all of Mark's sweaters, dug $20.00 out of our loose change jar and headed back down. The man broke into tears, I thought I was going to loose it, but, instead I felt very differently, I wasn't sad or even wanting to cry, I felt something I haven't felt for awhile, satisfaction that I was helping someone else in more need than I was. I went back to the apartment and cried, telling Mark, OK, I get it now.
This opened the door for me to move on to the task of cleaning out the closets, plus I had move coming up, moving from the upstairs apartment to the one just below our apartment come January. Bella and I saw this same man on many of our walks, but, that's another story. However we choose to handle our grief is up to us...Hugs
Hi Mary Jane, thank you for your message. my kids are grown so I live alone except for my dog but I haven't spent a whole lot of time with him except for petting him, poor baby. I tell my hubby good morning and good night every day and also talk to him thru my day, I watch my two grandsons a lot one who is 3 and ask for his paw paw all the time, breaks my heart and the other just turned 13 the day after my husband died, they were best friends so I try not to be sad around him so he doesn't get upset,this is my 2nd spouse to pass away, my first one was when my girls were small, I know with time you get to the point where you start enjoying life again but I'm having a hard time excepting that he is really gone, when do you put his stuff away, I just have left everything the way he left it, just makes me feel like he is still here but I know that's not rational,. am so sorry you had to endure this pain too but glad you are doing better
I'm sitting here reading all of your post and crying for everyone, including myself, not sure how this group thing works as Ive never done this before but the evenings and the minute I wake up are the worst so I looked online for a support group that I can sit and cry and write at the same time. I'm normally a very private person so an actual person to person group wouldn't work as I don't think I could discuss without crying, its been 3 months and 10 days an it just keeps getting worse, any advise to stop the panicky feeling when I first wake up
Sandfly ... you are most welcome and I hope you keep posting with us. Believe it or not with your postings we learn much from you as well even though you may not realize it.
I pray you are having a much better day today. :)
Steve ... your words are so kind as always and I'm happy I can add some joy into your life. You and Chuck have been just as wonderful to me and I love to read your posts because they lift my spirits and you both write in such a wonderful way.
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