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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

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Comment by Mare on May 4, 2010 at 5:44pm
Hi - I am new to this forum. I lost my husband 19 months ago. We were married for 30 years and he died in a fall behind our home. I was absolutely paralyzed for months and have slowly made progress. I have been struggling lately, though, because the loss of my best friend, my support, my everything seems to be sinking in more and more very day. There are no words to describe how much I miss him and still, after 19 months, there are days when I don't know how to go on.
Comment by Tom on May 4, 2010 at 4:14pm
I chickened out and just marked the deceased box and mailed the jury notice form back to them.
Why does logic have to be the right thing all the time.
Comment by Yvonne on May 4, 2010 at 10:45am
Marlena, I don't know how the law works where you are from, but being Tom's spouse are you not the executor or administrator of his estate. That entitles you to sign papers on his behalf does it not?
I think I know how you are feeling. Having the truck listed as repoed just doesn't sit right. There it is in black and white regarding the perfect credit score and this is to be left as a black mark. Not the way you want this to end. You and Tom worked so hard all your life to maintain your perfect credit rating and to have this happen is very upsetting. It just doesn't seem fair that they can do this. I guess my best advice is to listen to your lawyer and wait and see.
Take care Yvonne
Comment by Marlena on May 4, 2010 at 8:51am
I'm having a bureaucratic paperwork issue...does anyone have any suggestions? Recently I had to turn in Tom's truck. It was leased under a "Smartbuy" contract and it's time was up. I did call and ask about turning it in early (after Tom died), but the company wouldn't let me without it being considered reposessed, so I continued to pay on it for a year. I did everything I was supposed to...keeping up my end of the deal so that when it was turned in all my ducks were in a row. Now because he's not here to sign the title back to GMAC they are going to consider the truck "Repo On Paper". It's making me crazy. I've done everything I could to make sure everything was settled properly and they still are using the word repo. They insist it will not effect his credit or mine and the woman even commented on it having a perfect credit rating. I was told because the probate has not been completed they cannot do it any other way. I'm not sure who to believe. My lawyer is saying lets wait and see what the paperwork looks like before signing anything. I just did not want any of his things to be "repoed". I wanted everything to go smoothly....that's not happening. Has anyone else had similar issues?
Comment by Tom on May 4, 2010 at 8:43am
Am I sorrowful that Loni's not here anymore ?
Yes, of course I am. Loni lives on inside me, and I'm not going to be crying about that.
Comment by Connie on May 4, 2010 at 8:22am
Gladys, You need to not even listen to what people are telling you about going on with your life. You will grieve in your own time and do not need anyone to tell you how long that should be or whether or not you should be over it. I have to agree with Tom that when we married we became one with our spouse. No one or nothing can take that away. I will always consider myself married and I will not take off my wedding ring. You do what is right for you and don't care about what anyone else thinks.
Comment by Gladys on May 3, 2010 at 10:58pm
my spouse passed on June 29, 2009. Still grieving heavily...still trying to comprehend what happened...still wondering how people could be so cruel as to suggest I go on with my life...feeling empty inside...
Comment by Mary on May 3, 2010 at 8:17pm
Connie, When I filed my taxes my husband had already passed away, so my filing status was correct. My federal and state refund came back only in my name. However, my city refund for $12 came in both of our names. My bank let me deposit it to my account (my husband's name had already been removed from the account). They didn't even ask for his death certificate, but you might take it with you just in case you need it. Good luck!
Mary
Comment by Connie on May 3, 2010 at 6:30pm
Does anyone have any suggestions what I should do with a check from the IRS (only $4.95)? I had made a mistake on our 2008 tax form. About 2 months ago, the IRS sent me a letter telling me how much I owed them. I sent the check and because I sent it out right away, I was due $4.95 refund for the interest. Even though I wrote on the form that my husband was deceased, the IRS sent the refund check in both names. I don't know what to do!!!!!
Comment by Tom on May 3, 2010 at 4:14pm
I've run into that road block also, but I keep Loni's name open on our bank account, plus it's a small enough town that they remember Loni and I when we would go into the bank and always say hello to us when we do, or I do now. I had asked the lady at the bank that opened our account there when the bank first opened up for bussiness about Loni's college retirement fund and about how I would be able to deposit the check in her name after Loni had died. She said it would be no problem even if Loni's name was taken off the account. She knew of Loni having cancer from when we sat down with her opening up the checking account. It's what i like about living where I do. People remember you, and know your name. No one who met Loni would ever forget her anyway.
 

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