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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1370
Latest Conversations: 23 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Discussion Forum

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 16. 4 Replies

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Comment by BoLynn on May 15, 2010 at 11:37pm
Yes you are, Tom!
Comment by BoLynn on May 15, 2010 at 7:57pm
I feel like a two scoops of mint chocolate chip ice cream banana split. I'll eat while you sing, Tom.
Comment by Tom on May 15, 2010 at 12:50pm
Hi Virginia,
My 7th anniversary would have been this Monday the 17th of May. I'll be spending it with my 11 cats and remembering Loni Going out to buy cat food is no easy matter is it . And then there's the Litter.
I get most of the cat food from Walmart by the cases, it the cheapest place around so far for Friskies can food. I get 7 cases at a time. The litter I get from Safeway, about $9.00 for 28 lb. a box. I get four of those at a time. I don't like to go out so often for all of that. They are what keeps me going too !I miss the fun Loni and I had together. I would try to make us both happy everyday. I like your husband sence of humor ! Got to love them silly kitties !
Comment by Virginia on May 15, 2010 at 9:12am
Hi today is my 17th wedding ann. The 2nd one i must get thru without the love of my life, even though he passed last april it still is so raw, I have a picture of him on the morning of our wedding that my mother-in law took as I was not allowed to stay in our house the night before lol, my husband said I must go to a motel lol because it was bad luck to see me before thw wedding, even tho we lived together for 17 yrs. before we married lol. He came down the stairs in his bib overhaules and a straw hat and told his mom he was ready to get married lol lol he was such a mess so she took the picture. I think I'll have it made into a 8x10 to put next to our wedding picture lol. it is now 10 a m and that is the time we got married his doing also what, a mess he was always making me laugh how I miss him so much.The pain is so unbearable I've been in a real funk of deppresion this week I really need to do something but don't know what as I sit in the house all day and when I have to go out usally to get cat food I can't wait to get home I truelly don't know what I'd do without my 13 indoor brats and 3 outdoor ones they keep me going they are rather bossy lol tell me when it's time to eat and time for treats lol but I truelly think without them I wouldn't have made it this far. I hope the week gets better but not sure if it will thanks for letting me blow off steam Virginia
Comment by Marlene on May 15, 2010 at 3:02am
To Kathy O. My husband passed on Jan 7th. I feel the same way as you and you have a right to feel this way and so do I. I can be cheerful and upbeat during the day, but boy, at night, I cry and miss him so much. I keep wondering why I don't dream about him, but I don't. However, little things happen, a song, a tv show, a news item and I tell him what happened. You are not crazy. You are a grieving woman and grief is normal. There is no set period for it. People can grieve for months or for years. It's a very personal thing. I get apathetic and let the house get messy and feel there is no purpose in cleaning it up and then I just can't stand it and think what would John think of this? Last night I went to a jazz concert and heard Sonny Rollins a great saxophone player. He played a song called, "My One and Only Love" and I burst into tears thinking about my one and only love and how many times we went to see Sonny together when he was alive. If you have counseling available use it or if not keep in contact with this group. They seem to be a group of pretty smart people who want to help. My love to you. I know what you are going through, don't we all.
Comment by BoLynn on May 15, 2010 at 1:08am
So much sadness and grief in this world. A good friend just lost two of her grandfathers in two months, one just hours ago. Last month I lost two uncles to cancer within one week of each other. Diane, my condolences for the loss of your son.
Comment by Tom on May 14, 2010 at 10:35pm
My friend that I met on a color site that has helped me with my loss of loni so much, has lost her oldest son to suicide within the last 24 hours. I am praying for her and her son. She has helped me so much I can't begin to tell her how much it means to me to have someone that cares for a stranger, and every day made me laugh when it was so hard. I hope I can help her the same, in some fashion.
Diane, I am so sorry for your loss, Love Tom
Comment by Joan on May 14, 2010 at 9:03pm
To Kathy O: Your difficulty in sleeping is perfectly normal. You desire not to get out of bed, is also normal. In grieving, the body, mind and soul is sorely disrupted by the loss of a loved one. It's an amputation of sorts. George was there and then he's not. But keep in mind even though you don't want to get out of bed, you do. You recognize that you have a job and need it. You're still doing what you need to do while juggling your grief. I would suggest you speak to your doctor to see if there's more of a depression than a loss. But I also recommend you find a bevearement group to go to. You will see that what you are suffering is normal and you are not alone in how you feel. I hope you do this for yourself. I belong to two groups, and it helps me to grieve and to know why I feel the way I do. My Beloved died January 25, after a stroke, cancer, radiation and he died in hospice. We only had two years; a good one and a sick one, but just as beautiful as the first. Seek help and groups that can help you. And trust in the Lord. He weeps with you as He wept and suffered the way we do. Joan
Comment by Fred Dunn on May 14, 2010 at 9:02pm
To Kathy:
My wife passed on to God on May 31st 2007 and for the first week I could not sleep without waking up every hour or so and even then it was difficult to get back to sleep.
I am averaging about 4-5 hours of sleep still and only because I go to bed early but I always wake up several times every night and usually wind up finally getting up between 2:00am-3:00am and just drink some coffee and watch TV until it's time for me to shower and get ready for work. Luckily I have a very understanding employer (and go in 2 hours early) so I take a 2 hour lunch 1/2 hour eating and the other time taking a nap at my desk.
On the weekends it's no different but I can stay in bed and often try to catch up on my sleep or rest on the weekends. I can do that because I live alone now and am very much a recluse when I am home.
It's funny that I still wake up expecting Rose to be there and it takes a little while for reality to set in.
Like some I was already a caregiver to my wife before she passed on and was prescribed anti-anxiety meds along with anti-depressants, which my doc recently doubled.
I have lost 35 pounds since my wife passed and continue to lose weight, I have chronic headaches (always have) and they have gotten worse.
I don't think what you are going through is abnormal and you will find a method to deal with it over time.

God bless,
Fred Dunn
Comment by Helen Raulerson on May 14, 2010 at 7:47pm
To Kathy O. My husband died April 22, 2009, I still feel the same way you do. I also have trouble sleeping and do on occasion take a pill to help. My doctor is just great and suggested an antidepressant and although I hate the idea of taking anything, I am really amazed how it helps. I can now function pretty well. Not only did my husband die in April, in November my son died rather suddenly. But life does go on, there is really no choice. So all I can say is just hang on,things will eventually even out and you will be able to have him in a special part of your heart and lead a full life also.
 

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