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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1376
Latest Conversations: Jul 6

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Mary on July 30, 2010 at 7:25am
Hi Debbie,
I am so sorry for your losses. I too have lost two husbands. My first husband passed away at the age of 39, I was 35 and we were married 16 years and had three small children when he died. I married my second husband in 1985 and he died 2/7/10 after 24 years of marriage. I am now 64 years old. It feel so much worse this time, I guess being older, married longer, kids grown and we had just retired. I miss him like crazy. Jim had said on several occasions, that he wished he could have met my first husband, that he thought he would have liked him a lot. And he probably would have, as there were very few people he didn't like. I never made the slip and called my Jim by my first husbands name because, you see, his name was Jim also. (that worked out well), but I was called Wanda a few times much to his dismay. It was funny tho'. Hugs to you.
Comment by Debbie Johnson Kirkley on July 30, 2010 at 6:00am
Tom, Thank you for your kind words. You and Loni sound a lot like Mike and I. Eve after we got married, I would slip..I was with Rick from the time I was 18 to 39. I would call Mike Rick...you know what he did? He just answered me :( How did you lose your wife? Mike died from Pacreatic Cancer. Im glad to talk to someone. Thank you, Debbie
Comment by Debbie Johnson Kirkley on July 30, 2010 at 1:57am
Deborah....Don't go, I too would like to talk to someone.
Comment by Debbie Johnson Kirkley on July 30, 2010 at 1:56am
I am new here as well. I lost my beloved Michael in october of 2009. I'm lost...This was my second marraige...both husbands passed....Im 52 and angry.
Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on July 29, 2010 at 11:29pm
deborah, please dont leave.It may not seem like it but I personally cannot respond like I want to because...I am slow at typing and I cant keep track half of the time.I am feeling really bad and down myself.My brain is in slow motion,what there is of it.Its just too hard to do everything.I post when I can and see the postings but I just cant keep up. We are all here though Deborah. Just hang in there . We all share and understand, Hugs to you. Hugs are good.
Comment by deborah diggs on July 29, 2010 at 11:21pm
This is my last time here. I have been writing for about 4 months and only two people have ever replied to me, even though I have offered what I could, to many of you, I get no response...if I said anything to offend anyone, I apologize, I know everyone can't respond , but I have expressed how much pain I've been in, and poured my heart out, and with the exception of two people , no one has responded. I see some people getting many responses, but I have not been so lucky. I feel your pain, I dont want to put anyone on a guilt trip, but I would not leave without telling how the exclusion impacted me.
Take Care and
Be well.
Deborah
Comment by Linda O'Connor on July 29, 2010 at 7:28pm
This is my first time to post here, although I have read all your notes for a few months. I just had to let you know how very much reading all your thoughts have helped me to know that I am not alone with my feelings. Just like the rest of you, no one else really understands at all how very alone and empty I am. I lost my Kevin 19/29/08, and it seems like yesterday. I am ok at work and can "fake it" real good. Driving home & hearing a tone that makes me think of him, or being here alone (with my 4 Bassets - God love them!) I miss him so very much. I find myself drinking too much to numb the pain and help me to sleep. But, really nothing seems to help. We lived together for 22 years - married almost 16. No kids, except our dogs. He was my life and my very best friend, and at time I wonder how I can continue without him. Thank God for my 82 yr old Mother and sisters who get me going. I pray for relief, but it doesn't seem to happen. Does counseling help? Let me know if you have any suggestions.
Comment by Jeanette Kilpatrick on July 29, 2010 at 7:12pm
Hello all, today is my 61st wedding anniversary. I started out determined to be happy and I was. My daughter came and took me to the cemetery where we placed new flowers on his grave. Then she took me shopping and I bought some new dresses. To finish the outing, we went to the place we used to go nearly every Friday night to eat. I said i was not going to be sad because he was always happy when we went there. I did fine until his favorite waitress came in and hugged me. i lost it. Anyway, I recovered and came on home. When we got almost here, i felt a tightness in my chest and I could hardly breathe. I made it in the house and to a chair where I had to sit for a long time. Maybe we should not have gone to that restaurant. Anyway, i am ok now but feeling sad. I guess I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I'm still missing him after 14 months. We were married when I was 16 years old and I guess I'll always feel married to him.
Comment by Virginia on July 29, 2010 at 4:29pm
Tina, I wish there was someway for us all to not have to deal with this pain and sorrow we feel and sadly today I don't see much hope for it getting any better, maybe one day it will, god bless,I'm sorry your having a bad day
Comment by TINA GREER on July 29, 2010 at 3:51pm
It's been a horrible day... I know Larry is gone... I get up every day, do what I have to do, go to bed. I try not to dwell on the fact that he will never be with me again. Today it hit me like a ton of bricks... again... It's just not fair! We should have had another 30 or 40 years together. I hate being without him. I hate not seeing him. I hate not talking to him. I hate not laughing with him. I hate not hearing him sing, or snore. I hate him not holding me. How am I going to get through this... my life seems so empty now. We were supposed to grow old together, watch the grand kids grow... be there for each other in good times and in bad. My heart aches for him. I need him so much...
 

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