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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 16. 4 Replies

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Comment by kathleen caylor on May 11, 2010 at 7:29am
Lois,Right there with you and the tire iron!!!I see we share the same sense of patience!Yesterday I was waiting for a call from the a.c.service guy.who works for the company my husband worked for.He called ,but my cell phone said"ERNIE" I have never deleted his number!It seems the company gave this guy my husbands phone.All I could think was "wow" This carrier is GOOD!!!I was a little disappointed to hear someone elses voice!Just thought I'd share.
Comment by kathleen caylor on May 11, 2010 at 7:21am
Sandralee,Sorry for your loss.We all are trying to figure out how to go on without the love of our lives.You have my sympathy.this is a place we didn't want to come to.But thank God it's here.Find some peace in knowing you did your best!
Comment by Sandralee Vahey on May 10, 2010 at 10:40pm
I lost my husband on the 4th of May to lung cancer. His was a valiant fight right to the end. He did not want his friends and relatives to know just how sick he was. He put on a good front even in his last days in the hospital. He would always tell everyone that he was going home in a couple of days because he had things to do. I knew in my heart that he was never going to come home again but I loved him too much to ever contradict him even to his friends. The last three months of his life were especially hard on both of us. His pain from the cancer was getting worse with each passing day but he would not let on even to me. I am having a very hard time right now and cry most of the time. I am heart broken over losing him but know that he is not suffering anymore. I'm not sure how to go on with my life without him.
Comment by kathleen caylor on May 10, 2010 at 12:23pm
Yaca,You should be a writer!!To think changing a tyre would be so exhilerating!!!You Go Girl!!!!It's got to bring a smile to your face!
Comment by Yvonne on May 10, 2010 at 11:32am
Yay Yacca, you did it!!!
Larry being a good Saskatchewan farm boy always made sure we had the right tools for the job. All our vehicles have the X shaped tire iron you described. He always made sure we were all well looked after.
Yesterday was 9 months since Larry passed away. I was okay yesterday, but not so much today. Today I am packing to go to our lodge for the season. He passed away at the lodge on Aug 9, 2009. I miss him so much. I know tomorrow when I see the KM 220 sign I will start to cry (the lodge is at KM 222). I don't know why but every year when we go up I start crying at the sight of that sign. I think it is because I feel so much at home at the lodge. It is our haven away from all the every day drama and b****s in the world. This year I will cry again at the sight of the sign because I am close to our haven but also because my best buddy won't be with me.
Guess I better get back to packing or I will be up till midnight doing it.
Lots of time to think tomorrow on the 5 hour drive up.
I can do this. I will be okay. I will cry but I will be okay.
Take care Yvonne
Comment by charlottemosby82@hotmail.com on May 10, 2010 at 10:42am
Hello everyone just want you to know that everythhing will be alright after while.There is a point
life where all of us will go through something.God is the answers to all our needs.
Love you, Mrs. Mosby
Comment by Yaca Attwood on May 10, 2010 at 9:42am
It has been nearly eleven months since Byron died, and I had a period of a couple of weeks where I had a real sense of peace about it, but lately, the grief has poured back on - I still have a peace about his death - but I am missing him so much, feeling his loss, realizing he's not around to talk to, to hug, to bury my head on his chest and feel his warmth, hear his heartbeat and smell his warm, comforting manly smell....and as for Mother's Day, I spent my early morning (I was on my was to 7:30 AM Mass, which I never made it to) - I changed a flat tyre (British spelling) all by myself without the aid of anyone possessed of XY chromosones!

I attained the summit of tyre changing - heretofore, I had been able to remove the spare, jack the car up, get everything ready - but I lacked the strength to remove the lug bolts due to the Inadequate Lug Bolt Removal Tool supplied by the Bayerische Motoren Werke (nay, all automakers do not equip their cars with the best tyre changing tools!)

Now that I remember, it was one Byron Raymond Perkins, Montana Farmer's Son, clinical psychologist, and beloved Old, Tired, Decrepit White Man With No Gluetus Maximus, about a year and a half ago, upon seeing said Highly Inadequate Lug Bolt Removal Tool, took me to Pep Boys and bought me a tire iron (?) - a large, 'X-shaped' thing.

So, on 9 May, when confronted with the flat tyre, I used what he had bought me - I could not get the first lug bolt off, and I feared that I would have to resort yet again to assistance from a male human being, either Former Tax Deductions (sons Jacob or Joshua), Former Husband, Good Male Samaritan Passing By And Seeing A Damsel In Distress or AAA.

Well, I tried a different bolt, and I got that one off (yay!) - I got another and another off, and soon, all five were removed - I took Ye Olde Bad Tyre off, put the spare on (I was wondering if the day would end as an Ibuprofen Day - the arthritis was definitely talking!) - got the holes lined up, put the lug bolts on, tightening them in a "star" pattern - and I had changed the tyre all by myself, thanks to Byron's having bought me the right tool!

Peace, comfort and blessings be with you all - Yaca Attwood Perkins
Comment by alaine dougherty on May 10, 2010 at 9:05am
hey everyone...i wrote on may 3 about my husband's sudden death on july 24 2009. after reading what others have written i feel lucky in the sense that we had prepared for the end of life with wills, life insurance, etc. that part of things has made the craziness more manageable. i was able to settle most things without much trouble. it was just so incredibly sad to "close out" him as a part of my life.
i had a couple of sleepless nights (i hate those) this past week. they make the world much darker than it already is. i try to find a "gift" each day that my husband brought into my life. today it is his sister who has been such an awesome support system to me since his death.
Comment by Peg Otley on May 9, 2010 at 1:23pm
Here we go again. Another first....Mother's Day. Harry and I had a tradition. The day before or the day after Mother's dy he would always take me to our favorite restaurant. I MISS HIM SO BAD. All the family will be here. That will help a little bit. Happy Mother's Day to all.
Comment by Bernie on May 9, 2010 at 9:17am
Abnormal is what normal is for me. It's been a year and I'm fighting my way through the underbrush of grief . I am just learning how to speak with a man without going into panic mode. Social gatherings don't appeal to me at all. I'm not feeling sorry for myself; it's just that the cloak of sadness comes & goes & I never know when it will overpower me. Yesterday I had every intention of putting my day to good use and after a few chores looked at the overwhelming amount of work needed to be done (what do I do with his tools? his camera equipment? stuff?) and went to bed. He used to call me on my cell phone a couple of times a day & I still look to see if there's a message. I left his voice on the home answering machine just to hear it. Most everyone has forgotten me, so I hang on to my dear friends who stayed with me through it all & treasure them. When push comes to shove, though, no one and nothing will ever replace my sweetie's presence in my life. I accept that & talk with God all the time about how I can't wait to be with him in heaven. I want my life here not to be in vain until that day. I feel a sense of urgency to do more good in the world and don't want to waste my life. So much of what I thought was important is insignificant. It's our relationships with people and God that matters. I was blessed for 40 years. Some people never get a day of a good marriage.
 

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