Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Yvonne on March 5, 2010 at 3:07pm
Yes Tom I have been asked that same question. Where else would we want to go? As you said it is our home and all our memories are there.
My husband and I also have a business and I was asked if I was going to carry on with the business. Duh!!! No I will close it up walk out and never return. What kind of question is that? Yes, I will sell the business when I am ready. I am not ready yet and until then it is business as usual. How about the question did he have a will? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. People can actually be very rude.
How about when they change the subject when you mention your spouses name. I guess they don't understand. Sorry, just a few things I had to get off my chest.
Take care all Yvonne
Comment by Colleen on March 5, 2010 at 9:49am
Thank you so much, every one of you. I feel like I really am a mess, but it's comforting in a tragic kind of way to know that, as Lois says, there will be signs of hope for me too someday. I appreciate all your kindnesses as I begin to see a life that I had never imagined for myself. I'll be staying with my daughter for the next few days and I think that should help, too. Again, thank you and I hope that each of you continue to experience small degrees of hope for the future.
Comment by kathleen caylor on March 4, 2010 at 5:51pm
Colleen,I'm so sorry for you.You are right ,things are mixed up and crazy for you right now.My first sympathy card is what made it real for me.I felt like i'd been kicked in the gut.Nature is trying to protect you.I felt like half my brain shut down for the first few weeks.Keep your family close and your memories closer,they will sustain you through this long,painful journey.try to get some rest and find some peace,Kathy
Comment by Colleen on March 4, 2010 at 5:37pm
I don't expect to feel better for a long while, I guess. My husband just passed 10 days ago. But it's all so mixed up and crazy. I have this on going dream that we're defying the odds by having a relationship across the realities. Like it's our secret - and I want it to be real so very badly. I think that must be the denial I've read about. But it's crazy and painful. His memorial is this Sat. and I'm terrified to go through it. It'll make it more real I think, and I don't want that. This is just the kind of event where he would have been there for me to lean on. I cry and cry and it just gives me a headache.
Comment by kathleen caylor on March 4, 2010 at 4:27pm
Lois,the book I just read said widows fall into two catergories,the sleepers and the runners.One crawls into bed and the others keep busy.I guess we're runners.Trying to stay busy to ward off the grief.But we are doing ourselves a disservice.It will come crashing down eventually.I've experienced that myself just recently.But I can't stand sitting still.At least I sleep at night.
Comment by kathleen caylor on March 4, 2010 at 5:28am
The overwelming emotions that I experienced was very cathartic.So I did learn a valuable lesson.Sorry you're having a bad day.But your pictures are beautiful.Having everyone here is theraputic for me.
Comment by kathleen caylor on March 3, 2010 at 5:53pm
Lois.That is a great point.I had my first public display of emotions 2 weeks ago at a memorial for a friend.And you know I feel better now than I have in a long time!We are in pain!And we're not going to keep it bottled up anymore,I'm tired of being "strong" it's exhausting.The only ones better for it are Around me,not ME!
Comment by Carol Butler on March 3, 2010 at 8:53am
At 11:46am on March 2nd, 2010, Carol Butler said…
I lost my husband 2/21/2008 suddenly from an accident. I still do not remember his funeral, only bits and pieces of the days from when he died and was buried. I do know that I was heavily sedated and whether that was a good thing or not, I do not believe I will ever remember those initial days. For the first year and a half, I functioned in a fog. A haze so heavy that I was forced to seek professional therapy. I wasn't receptive to the therapy and continued to stumble around in the dark it seemed forever. During this time I lost my last sibling, a niece, a brother-in-law, had two major surgeries, and countless other unfortunate events in my life. I realize now that I did not try to help myself progress through my grief and shock. Without going into details, I began to "wake up" from my stumbling darkness and realized that I did want to continue to live. I'm not sure that I previously had wanted to die, I just didn't know how to live anymore without my beloved husband; he was my everything. My days now are not great but not near as overwhelming as they have been in the past. Since I retired shortly after my husbands' death (due to physical impairments), I really dug my hole much deeper but at least now I see the light at the end of the tunnel and work everyday toward fulfilling a purpose each day. It may only be cooking a meal, doing laundry or going to the store but it is not near the chore it was in the past.
Do I miss my husband? The loneliness at times is still overpowering. Do I dream about him? No, I believe my mind protects me in my sleep since I honestly believe I could not cope with dreams of him at this time. Do I talk about him? Only with closest friends and certain family members since I cannot discuss him without crying; yes, I'm still crying but not all the time as I did before. He was the best part of me, he made me strong, confident and vibrantly alive. Now I am trying daily to find out exactly who I am without him. Delete Comment At 11:28am on March 2nd, 2010,
Comment by Chris B on March 2, 2010 at 8:35pm
Comment by Lois Taitague on February 25, 2010 at 6:22pm
I think this forum is sick of me posting, I keep getting the pick background with the message "Please choose something valid to post". Anyone else having this problem??

This forum has some very interesting word filter software running on it. There are many words it doesn't like - not only outright profanity, but anything that might be considered "offensive" in someone's mind.

I know when I'm doing my blog posts, sometimes I have to edit the stupid thing paragraph by paragraph until I figure out which word the stupid software doesn't like. This evening it was "p*issed". Which makes it really hard sometimes to blog about how you're feeling, when the stupid software is going to tell you you can't post about what you're feeling.
Comment by rose montgomery on March 2, 2010 at 12:33pm
My beloved spouse gone forever
I lost my husband 2-10-2010 and I miss him so much all I think about is him and his loving smile and hearing his so kind words. He had lung cancer and for 4 years and 6 mos. has had ever kind of chemotheraph that doctors had aviable for his type of cancer. Six months prior to his death he devoleped bone cancer in his neck, three months later he had to take radiation for a tumor that was bleeding in his lung. After the radiation he began to lose weight and he never recovered after his treatment. He told me a few weeks before he died that he knew that he was dying but I refused to beleive it. He never had a bitter day in his life, I never heard him say why me, but boy did I ask why me. I love my husband so much and I miss him every hour of my waking day. I'm sorry I know that many people before me has lost a loved one and I know I will always love him.

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