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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1371
Latest Conversations: Nov 8

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Ericka Bryant on November 9, 2009 at 10:25am
To Bernadette: I know what you mean about not wanting to be here any more, but life does go on and you'll start to find a new normal. It won't ever be the same, and your husband's death is a part of your life now. Allow your friends and family to do things for you, and lean on them for support and comfort. No, it's not the same thing, but it is better than nothing. Call up a friend you can trust and have them come over or meet them for tea or something. Talk about what you need to talk about. Let the tears flow. It's all part of the healing process. Big hugs to you!
Comment by Liz on November 9, 2009 at 7:46am
In 10 days, it will be 10 months since the I found the love of my life dead on my bedroom floor. We didn't know he was sick. He was 27 yrs old and I was 6 days away from turning 28. Never did we imagine this would happen to us. We had 2 kids who were 2 and 1 at the time. I wouldn't wish what I witnessed that morning on anyone, not even my worst enemy or the person that caused all this to start. But my comment to Bernadette is this, you can find love again. It may never the same level of love that you had with your soul mate. But I wouldn't want that level again bc the love my husband and I shared was so special and it comes around once in a lifetime. But u can find that person who loves u unconditionally and knows u have been through he'll and is accepting that while they may not be the love of ur life, they know u love them more than anything and are willing to support you through it all. They are out there. They may be few and far between but they are out there
Comment by Bernadette on November 9, 2009 at 7:27am
it has been 8 months and 10 days since i lost the only and one i can ever love or will love. people say that you are a young woman and that you will find someone new. where do they get that notion. when you find your soul mate there is no way you would settle for anyone less. life is a struggle, challenge and difficult, due to the fact that after 31 years with one company, they wouldnt even come to the party and offer my husband the diginty of a redunacy, so that he could see his small family looked after. the two adult childrren have not gone without. but as a mum i have again put my life on hold. im tired, tired of the world spinning and life just moving on. tired of been brave. tired because i can't sleep, tired b4cause i just don;t want to be here, and so tired of been lonley, been sad, and having feelings of bitterness of couples doing the things that couples do.Struggling that i can no feel my love, around me, or even signs that i have followed his wishes out well, and that he even loved me. having a bas night. and been the internet and never doing this before, i doublt if anything will come of it. if someone reads this thats lovely. if not some how i will try to go on, but i just want to sleep and not wake up
Comment by Debbie on November 9, 2009 at 4:21am
i just dont know where to start?? I just lost my mother on Oct 26,2009 and my husband on Oct 29,2009. Both within just two days.My heart feels so heavy.
Comment by Jeanne on November 7, 2009 at 2:50pm
I lost the love of my life also to lung and liver cancer five months ago...I feel your pain....He was sick for 1 1/2 years...It was so horrible to watch this once vibrant man turn into a skelitan....It would have been better to have gone more quickly. Putting one foot in front of the other and reaching out to friends and family...I am going to join a new church tomorrow. And play lots of cards and games that are offered in my community.
It is sooo hard, but you must look forward and be the way he would want you to be.....I know my love is in heaven and looking down...I wish he were here, but we are not dead...we have to for our kids and for ourselves...
Hope you can gather the strength to go one step at a time, one minute at a time and one day at a time.
Comment by Denise MacCallum on November 6, 2009 at 1:46pm
Comment by Denise on November 5, 2009
I lost my husband on October 20. 2009...He was diagnosed with lung and liver cancer on September 2009..He had been sick for 3 months before the cancer robbed him of his life....I'm still numb and cry all the time...I shared my life with this kind, wonderful man for 40 years...I don't know how I'm going to go on without him...We were planning our future now I don't have one...I don't sleep and hardly eat...My family and friends are very supportive but it doesn't really help...Rob is the only one who can help me and he is gone..
Comment by Diane on November 4, 2009 at 12:52pm
I lost my husband and best friend on 1/6/09. It's been almost a year now and the pain is still as intense as the day it happened. I still don't understand what happened and have tried in vain to figure it out. All I am left with is more unanswered questions and more pain. For some dumb reason, my husband decided to start smoking meth. He ended up killing himself, me and his family. We have not been the same since and we all seem to be falling apart. All the anti depressants in the world can't stop the hurt and the pain.

My condolences to you who are going through the same thing. Losing a love one is very hard.
Comment by Mary Kay on November 2, 2009 at 9:57pm
I lost the love of my life on 9-19-09. On that date my love, my best friend, my world of 24 years died peacefully in my arms. He had fought COPD for years. Nineteen days before he died he had gotten burned, his body fought hard to heal itself. His heart, however, could fight no longer. That day part of my heart died along with him. Work fills my days but my nights are so lonely. I never knew the sound of lonliness could be so deafening. My daughter does her best to try and help me cross each bridge. Yet, the bridges she crosses losing a father are not the ones I cross losing a spouse. So most of my journeys through this darkness have been alone. God knows I cry alot and I feel so totally lost. I have to wonder if the pain will ever end. I do not believe it will ever get better as everyone keeps saying. It may grow easier to deal with but my love is gone so, it can never get better!
Comment by Sandy Bernard on November 2, 2009 at 12:39pm
I lost my husband one month ago. He was the love of my life and for the past 30 years we enjoyed life and lived well. That was our "motto". I miss him, especially at night. Each day comes with new challenges, something new breaks, decisions need to be made. I feel so lucky to have had him in life, I can't do anything but continue to love my family and continue living as he would want me to! Remember the good times!! Cry when you need to! Support your children and grandchildren through their grief as it will help you thorugh yours.
Comment by julie thomas on October 29, 2009 at 10:19pm
i understand exactly how you feel. i lost my husband of 32 years almost 2 years ago. i went through what your feeling now, i used to not care if i died or not, i look back at that sometimes and i dont feel that way now, i do care, i have grandbabies and my daughter whom i love and cannot leave them, but for a long time, at least a year, i didnt care. it does get better eventually, but it is a long road. i am sorry for your loss, it is probably the most painful thing that will happen in your life, i know it is with mine. it is very hard, you feel you've been cut in half and there is a very big part of you missing. you have to only take one moment at a time. you are here for a reason, as i am. i'm not really sure what that is, but i know it to be true. please, allow yourself time, dont worry about anyone else, only you can take care of you. hang in there, i will be here if you need me
 

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