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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

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Comment by Steve G. on August 30, 2020 at 12:41pm

Awesome story Deborah!

We get Blue Jays, Cardinals and a lot of Doves.  The doves shed their feathers the most, but last week Chuck found 2 Cardinal feathers.

Good to hear You are healing, stay safe and rest.

Comment by deborah peck on August 30, 2020 at 11:55am

Hope everyone is well these days, I took a road trip to my sisters in North Dakota, it was so nice to go someplace, but it was also a little scary, mask and lots of handsanitizer but have now been home for 2 weeks so figure Im good.  I had to have a major surgery on my face for skin cancer when I got back, was a huge incision from my nose across my cheek and then from my nose almost to my chine, recoup has been awful but is looking better and thank God we have to wear mask right now, hides it until it heals when I go out.I was supposed to go back last week for another place on my nose, not as drastic but was dreading it, that morning I saw 3 blue jays at my bird feeders, a first. The blue jay I think is Greg because he always wanted to see one but we never had any here, so I told him good morning and went to the surgeon, well, long story short the place was no longer there, doc couldn't find it so no surgery. I think seeing all the blue jays was Greg telling me it was all good. Love signs from him

Comment by Marsha H on August 21, 2020 at 6:57am

I am happy most of you are doing fairly well considering and I do keep in touch with what is going on in the U.S.  I'm the only Canadian gal on here.  LOL  I worry about all of you and between COVID and politics it's all over the world.  Also in Canada we are in a bit of a political frenzy re the Prime Minister.  We had one day of a horrific heat wave we've never had as long as I've lived here and they even called it desert-like.  Over 100 degrees and yes, in the Interior of BC we can get those high temps, but not near the coast where I live.  It's still very humid here although raining which is refreshing to a degree.  I can say COVID isn't getting to many here and starting August 21 all have to wear masks no matter where they go.  Our economy is not good and I just got a list sent to me via email how over 30 stores closing down permanently.  

Since I'm an old bat these things don't bother me as much although I do have my days.  I keep busy helping where I can and one good thing out of this is I have cleaned up things in my house I haven't looked at in years.  LOL 

All of you are in my prayers and I hope each one of you just lay it on the line on this forum be it religion, politics or whatever you fear.  It affects us more because of our grief so it fits in.  The world is changing at a rapid rate and I just 'pull out the popcorn' and see where I can help.  

Love you all and pray for you all

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on August 21, 2020 at 6:49am

Hi Mary Jane ...  I am so happy that you are having good memories of Bob that uplift you.  I am sure he is around you and I do believe you and your daughter will come out of this just fine.  I have seen the fires that are out of control and I hope everyone is safe and sound.  I'll be praying tonight for all of you on this form.  

I LOVED talking to you and you have a good sense of humor as well considering what is happening where you are.   We also have raging fires in the Interior of B.C.   I really enjoyed our conversation.  We seemed to be like two peas in a pod.  LOL  It's good to express feelings and I hope to do it soon again.

Take care my friend and keep in touch on the form so we know all is well with you.

Love & Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Sara Murphy on August 20, 2020 at 7:50am

Hi Mary Jane…..I watch the news and see these fires and my heart breaks.  It's just so unreal.  I pray you and your family remain safe.  Please check in again when you're able to.   It's awesome that you and Marsha were able to talk and connect on that level.  Nice to put a voice to the name.

Chicago and Todd....I know you're both in CA as well.  I pray that you're both safe

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 19, 2020 at 7:02pm

Hi everyone. Happy to,see everyone is in hopeful spirits. For myself. Everything is just WEIRD. I am trying to be positive..the good thing..lately I have been having “little flashbacks “ of things Bob would say, things we did..memories of tiny incidents I had completely forgotten..yes, my memory has been ROARING back..but each one is both wonderful, and heart wrenching at the same time..

If you’ve seen the news, you might have heard..more wildfires in California this past week. and now...the entire STATE has SOOO many..my daughter is here, mandatory evacuation, but her hubby is still at home..with the cat..she is miserable..he is ok so far..We are just waiting to be evacuated..to where we don,t know..we are packed and ready at a moments notice..and I am ramBling.

HAD A WONDERFUL experience about 2 weeks ago..MARSHA and I talked n the phone! It was soooo cool! We were never at a loss for words, talked for a bit over an hour! She is  fun, smart and interesting..it was awesome.

Bye for now..stay safe and happy.

Comment by Sara Murphy on August 19, 2020 at 4:10pm

Hi All, 

I'm glad to see everyone is doing well or at least, as well as can be expected.  I too am healthy and doing what I can to stay that way

Chuck.....you mention a possibility that the recent silence could be due to some of us being afraid to say how we are feeling for fear of offending others.  I hope that's not the case.  Some of us may feel one way about this national situation while others feel another way but I would hope we'd all respect each other's point of view.  I can only speak for myself but while I may not agree with another person's opinion, I always respect it and take the "agree to disagree" stance.  Please feel free to come here to vent anytime.   The frustration of what's happening around us is felt by me for sure.  In fact, I take the weekend off from watching the news because I need that break.

Hang in there everyone.

Love, Sara

Comment by Chicago Beard on August 18, 2020 at 1:56pm

Hi everyone

Just checking in. As far as Covid goes I am doing well, thank goodness. Steve, I understand your frustration when your movement is limited it can tend to make depression worse. Hang in there. 

Comment by Steve G. on August 18, 2020 at 8:26am

Every day is full of challenges, my grief continues, my level of depression is on a roller coaster.  I have been fighting depression for most of my life and I stay on my meds daily, thrown into a pandemic has added a new newness for me.  I let it out, I cry a lot, some days I am peaceful; if it wasn't for Chuck in my life I do not know how my life would be.  We openly talk to each other and that helps more than anyone can understand.

We stay busy at home, we talk or text to friends and sometimes we use Zoom to see them.  We only go out to pick up groceries that we order online, or for necessary Dr. appointments...etc.

This too shall pass is my go to phrase to remind me that life is full of joy, sad times, bad times and each new day is a blessing...if we take time to look for it.

Love and hugs to all

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on August 18, 2020 at 7:53am

Hello everyone,

Once again it has been quiet here, and I sincerely hope that isn't an indication of family having any health problems  - and you are my legacy family. 

Welcome Dr. Gayle, and I do agree with your comments, but my feelings of anger and frustration may also be tied to the current silence in this site. Here we all are, struggling through this global pandemic and it's effects medically, socially, and financially. Simultaneously here in the US we are in a political campaign for president that is being conducted within the new constraints and safety considerations necessitated by this crisis. 

This site is for us to share our grief and healing with each other, to offer support and comfort, and especially hope to all members new and long time. We have always been respectful of the requests to avoid straying too far from that goal, and mostly only speak of religion and financial matters as they relate to our losses of our spouses. That said, none of us exist in a vacuum, and our individual views and feelings regarding politics and religion are inexorably intertwined with our reactions to current events and public figures. 

I suspect the silence is partly due to the fact that some of us dare not write what we are truly feeling at this point in time for fear of offending or beginning arguments. Personally speaking, that is where much of my own anger stems from - a lack of ability to vent my frustrations and criticisms arising from the very real situations happening all around us on a daily basis.

I too wish for a day when it will all be over, but in my heart I believe we must accept and prepare mentally for a very challenging reality - it may never be "over" as we wish, and a return to "normal" is likely not in the cards. We need to be strong and adult and assume the responsibility of facing life as it is now, putting the health and welfare of others as much in our daily actions as we are concerned for our own.

Wishing everyone some peace of mind, a spark of hope, and at least one good laugh each day...something we can all use.

Love, Chuck

 

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