Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum


Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

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Comment by Carol Butler on March 3, 2010 at 8:53am
At 11:46am on March 2nd, 2010, Carol Butler said…
I lost my husband 2/21/2008 suddenly from an accident. I still do not remember his funeral, only bits and pieces of the days from when he died and was buried. I do know that I was heavily sedated and whether that was a good thing or not, I do not believe I will ever remember those initial days. For the first year and a half, I functioned in a fog. A haze so heavy that I was forced to seek professional therapy. I wasn't receptive to the therapy and continued to stumble around in the dark it seemed forever. During this time I lost my last sibling, a niece, a brother-in-law, had two major surgeries, and countless other unfortunate events in my life. I realize now that I did not try to help myself progress through my grief and shock. Without going into details, I began to "wake up" from my stumbling darkness and realized that I did want to continue to live. I'm not sure that I previously had wanted to die, I just didn't know how to live anymore without my beloved husband; he was my everything. My days now are not great but not near as overwhelming as they have been in the past. Since I retired shortly after my husbands' death (due to physical impairments), I really dug my hole much deeper but at least now I see the light at the end of the tunnel and work everyday toward fulfilling a purpose each day. It may only be cooking a meal, doing laundry or going to the store but it is not near the chore it was in the past.
Do I miss my husband? The loneliness at times is still overpowering. Do I dream about him? No, I believe my mind protects me in my sleep since I honestly believe I could not cope with dreams of him at this time. Do I talk about him? Only with closest friends and certain family members since I cannot discuss him without crying; yes, I'm still crying but not all the time as I did before. He was the best part of me, he made me strong, confident and vibrantly alive. Now I am trying daily to find out exactly who I am without him. Delete Comment At 11:28am on March 2nd, 2010,
Comment by Chris B on March 2, 2010 at 8:35pm
Comment by Lois Taitague on February 25, 2010 at 6:22pm
I think this forum is sick of me posting, I keep getting the pick background with the message "Please choose something valid to post". Anyone else having this problem??

This forum has some very interesting word filter software running on it. There are many words it doesn't like - not only outright profanity, but anything that might be considered "offensive" in someone's mind.

I know when I'm doing my blog posts, sometimes I have to edit the stupid thing paragraph by paragraph until I figure out which word the stupid software doesn't like. This evening it was "p*issed". Which makes it really hard sometimes to blog about how you're feeling, when the stupid software is going to tell you you can't post about what you're feeling.
Comment by rose montgomery on March 2, 2010 at 12:33pm
My beloved spouse gone forever
I lost my husband 2-10-2010 and I miss him so much all I think about is him and his loving smile and hearing his so kind words. He had lung cancer and for 4 years and 6 mos. has had ever kind of chemotheraph that doctors had aviable for his type of cancer. Six months prior to his death he devoleped bone cancer in his neck, three months later he had to take radiation for a tumor that was bleeding in his lung. After the radiation he began to lose weight and he never recovered after his treatment. He told me a few weeks before he died that he knew that he was dying but I refused to beleive it. He never had a bitter day in his life, I never heard him say why me, but boy did I ask why me. I love my husband so much and I miss him every hour of my waking day. I'm sorry I know that many people before me has lost a loved one and I know I will always love him.
Comment by vickie on March 1, 2010 at 7:29pm
This month will be 1 year sence my husburn pass away thank God for family and friends we were married 40 years it is different being along lonely the nights are the worst for me
i never thought i would be all alone at 58 we had a whole life ahead of us cancer took him
i wouldnt wont him to suffer any more he had a hard time a last so i no things are better for him i just have to hold on to that and ask God for strengh for another day my prayers are with you all vickie
Comment by Connie on March 1, 2010 at 3:45pm
It has been one month and one hour since I lost my husband. Tomorrow will be our anniversary of 36 years. I am dreading having to deal with the day and want to just stay in bed and forget it all, but I guess I need to learn to go on with life. It is so hard being alone. I had no idea it would be so hard. I'm glad his suffering is over, but mine is just beginning with no end in sight.
Comment by Colleen on March 1, 2010 at 8:12am
My wonderful husband Gary died one week ago today. I miss him more than I ever knew was possible. His personality was the kind that's bigger than life - he always had a joke and a kind word, he was full of stories and could talk to anyone. He changed my life, just being himself.

He was not in great health and he told me several times that the day would come. I didn't expect it so soon. We were married one month short of four years. He was 57 y/o and I'm almost 49. I thought we would have each other for a long time to come.

I don't think there is a lonelier feeling in the world. I've lost the best friend I've ever had, my best ally and the only one that has ever really understood me. He persued me until he got me, and I thanked him many times for that. What he saw in me I still don't understand, but I'm glad he saw something.

I keep having weird dreams about him. They're not comforting except that I can see his face and hear his voice. But the dreams are not pleasant. And I'm afraid they might stop - and then I wouldn't hear his voice, or see his face. But I think they're pretty bad dreams so I don't know what to think of that.

Thanks for listening.
Comment by kathleen caylor on March 1, 2010 at 5:14am
Dave,I'm sorry to have to welcome you to this site,but I'm glad you found it.Just know when you need an ear to bend,you will find someone to listen.Everybody here has experienced these same emotions.This is going to be the roller coaster ride of your life!Hang on tight!!Let the grief begin!Don't be afraid to share.This site and a journal are the only things keeping me halfway sane.
Comment by Yvonne on February 28, 2010 at 10:35pm
Dave, I am so sorry for your loss. Your pain is so new and intense. Know that you do have friends here that do understand and will listen and not criticize. I lost my Larry on August 9 2009. I miss him so much. Today was a really hard day, I don't know why, it is just that way. Take care Yvonne
Comment by Dave on February 28, 2010 at 8:34pm
Hello I'm now on day 5 and the pain is just going and going
Comment by kathleen caylor on February 28, 2010 at 5:30am
Linda,Sorry you're having a bad day.I had mine last Saturday.My 6mo. is coming up on the 13th.It seems like the breakdowns are coming less often but much more intense.Maybe I didn't notice before due to being in shock.I hope you feel better today.I have to think the pain is a constant reminder of the love we had and I'm truly grateful to have had him in my life. I wish I could ease your pain.God didn't make us tough for nothing!Hang in there kiddo!!

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