Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Grief so great it hurts

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Comment by Deb on January 2, 2010 at 2:13pm
Hi. I am new here, and at least I know that I am not the only person grieving the loss of their love! I lost my fiance on June 20, 2009, to colon cancer. Ours is a great love story--we had known each other for more than 40 years as friends. My marriage ended in divorce in 2002, his marriage ended with his wife's death in early 2007. We had not talked in a while, but he called me shortly after his wife's death. We went to dinner two days later -- from that date on, we spent every day together!! We talked, laughed, and completely enjoyed each other. He was diagnosed with colon cancer 10 months after we began dating. We planned to marry early June this year. Needless to say, his medical condition worsened very quickly and we had hospice in our home by early June. I have been told "just think how you would feel if you had been married for 20 years (30 years, etc)". I don't think my "miss" is less because we had been dating for a short time--2 years!! He was my soulmate, my lover, my best friend . . we had so much fun traveling together, fishing and hunting together, just being together!! I can only thank God for the time that we had together--he is/was the love of my life!! My ex-husband died less than one month prior to my fiance's death. Hopefully 2010 will be a much better year, and I can learn to live with the many wonderful memories I have with my fiance!! He and I loved each other completely and had a great romance together!! It still does not stop my missing him, the tears, nor my broken heart. I know that he would not want me to be unhappy at all, but it just seems that the hurt gets deeper as time goes by. Wishing you all a very blessed, happy New Year!!
Comment by kathleen caylor on January 2, 2010 at 7:56am
Here's something the victim's advocate gave me.A little booklet ,"If only someone Understood My Grief"
In it I found this passage "In all things gratitude.It is difficult at times to find a reason to be grateful,and this is one of those times.But this grief is also a gift that reminds us of our capacity to love and be loved.Grief is borne of the loss of human relationship;the deeper we haved loved,the deeper the grief.None of us would ever relinquish the privilege of having loved,the gift of having held,cherished,and cared for the other.So with hearts filled with pain,and eyes filled with tears,we nonetheless give thanks for the incredible of love that will be ours for the rest of our days."Somehow i find this comforting.I don't know if it will help anybody else,but I hope so.
Comment by Andrea on January 2, 2010 at 1:58am
Just one more thing.. I've talked to a grief counselor and I've found that the answers are within me. I know that the tears will come and go and that life moves on regardless of how we all feel. Life is so harsh and unfair sometimes. But I know that love crosses all boundaries. I know he felt my love as I did his. I have to be content with that. My mental and physical health must now be a routine for me. My old routines are gone. It's a new year and all has changed. I'm putting one foot in front of the other and I know it sounds corny, but too bad! Chuck loved us, he loved life, laughing and he had love to share. He's gone, but there is much life left in me. I'll laugh again and I'll smile again because I must and because I want to. happy new year all.
Comment by Andrea on January 2, 2010 at 1:50am
I thought I would breeze through New Years. But it hit me like a bus that he's gone. I miss him so very much. He loved me completely. I was a lucky woman. I broke down today and sobbed and now I cant seem to stop. When will the saddness go away? I need to be ok again. I have to work and I need to be normal for my kids. I miss you Chuck.
Comment by Marie Farmer on January 1, 2010 at 10:21pm
I lost the love of my life on October 28, 2009. We knew that his time was almost up, but I though that we had more time to be together. He kept telling me over the past few years that he had everything set up so that when his time came that I would be taken care of and have a place to live. I should have checked things out closer. Their was no life insurance to bury him with or to pay our home off. In less than six weeks after my husband's death, the mortgage company put me out of our home. I was just all beside myself, no where to live, I was lose big time. Our children, family, friends, and our church has been very supportive and caring. They have all watched over me like a hawk. I have finally moved into HUD low income housing. I am not a happy person for now, but I am trying to keep on going with my life. I cry a lot, and do not sleep much. I set and wonder does it ever get any better as time goes by. Sam was my best friend, my buddy, my partner, my lover, and my husband. I keep asking myself and God does the hurting every stop. I pray a lot for God's help, and they are days that I do not even want to get out of bed. Some days I would just like to pull the bed covers over my head and forget that the world even was here, but I know that I can not give up my life has to go on, and I know that Sam would not want me to make myself sick over losing him. Their are times when I think that I can feel his present here with me. I miss him so much. Everyone please keep me in your prayers. Sam was 68 years old when he die. Cancer and COPD had no mercy on him. He lived one year and nine months after they found his cancer. God I miss him. Marie Farmer
Comment by Helen Carll on January 1, 2010 at 1:23pm
Last new year's Eve we went out to the Elks Club for dinner and dancing with my husband's son and his girl friend. It was not the most fun night as his son left early and we actually left just before midnight. The highlight of the night was when my husband asked me to dance. Due to his pulmonary problems he needed oxygen constantly which he pulled along with him, but it was a beautiful dance which did not last too long. It is not getting easier and it is almost 7 months. I am just existing and waiting for the time when I will be with my husband again. I have no life without him. His family except one son called Christmas have forgotten me which I knew they would. His grandchildren never remembered me. My family is trying but it is hard for them too. I am not looking forward to anything in my life. The few friends we had have also forgotten us. My siblingwho live in other states do not keep in touch. That is sad story in itself. Will tell that another time. Miss you my husband your kiss and embrace. I am so lonely.
Comment by Donita Jo Scott on December 31, 2009 at 6:42pm
How Quickly Everyone husband passed away only 4 weeks ago on December 2nd. It was only us...none of our friends or family live near us. We just took care of each other. Only being in our 40's we never expected this. The first couple of calls every day from folks, and me calling to take of matters. one. I have went 3 days with not one person to call me to see how I am...knowing that I am all alone. I am disabled, in a wheelchair and have no means of getting out at all. Why does it seem that everyone forgets? I feel like no one cared about my husband Bryan, or me. It hurts to feel that, I know...I'm tired of people telling me it will get easier...I'm tired of beibg told they know how I feel...and I am sick and tired of being told to "Look up and smile because he's better off". Dammit...I want him here with me...maybe thats know what...I DON'T CARE!!! We had no children, and no one around here. {we moved here because of our health...and we hated the drama of where we lived b4}. I can't stand the silence...of not being able to talk to someone that could finish my words...that laughed with me over the stupid things. I feel like I'm drifting out in the middle and no one will ever help find me.
Comment by BoLynn on December 31, 2009 at 1:24am
Today was the 4th month since I lost my love. I spent the day reliving that day 4 long months ago. Although it seems like years, not months, I remember it all as if it was yesterday. I remember spending the night at hospice with him and listening to his labored breathing all night. 8 in the morning, my sister came to bring me home for a quick bath and change of clothes. The hospice is 5 minutes from my home. When I got back to his room, his mother and other family members were there. I kissed him and held his hand. His hand was ice cold. Why didn't it register to me that it was a sign that he was dying? I just thought the fan was on to high and he was cold, so I turned the fan off. My sister insisted that I go to the dinning room and have some late breakfast. His mother was by his side so I went to get a quick bite to eat. My other sister that stayed in his room came bursting through the dinning room door to tell me to hurry back to the room, because he took his last breath. I ran back crying and I held his hand and kissed him thinking he had died without me being there. As I held him, he took 3 short breaths and went to heaven. He waited for me. Thank you darling. It was 12:30 p.m. on a Sunday, August 30, 2009.
Comment by Christine on December 29, 2009 at 6:02am
When ever its around the corner one can not fail think of those who are most closest to him/her. This year round it happened. My dear one had just made a year since he passed on. I was so sad but we believe that he is with us in spirit. I am sad and i have lost sleep now days. I am getting with drawn again. I hope i get myself back. I wish you all a happy new year. Let all keep i n prayer. We will get our comfort from our Creator above.
Comment by Ann on December 29, 2009 at 1:08am
Comment by Ann: Chrsitmas was very hard without the love of our lives, my husband of 51 years passed away 9 months ago and there were many days I couldn't have made it through without God's help. Both my children were here and some other family members but I shed more tears through the holidays than I did surrounding the time of the funeral. I'm trying to be strong for the rest of the family who is hurting too, but it's like our rock we leaned on so many years just isn't there anymore. I lean on Jesus, his love and mercy so why does it hurt so much?

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