Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Terry Kent Mar 7, 2022. 6 Replies


Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on July 25, 2021 at 12:46am

Wow,,it is wonderful to see y’all posting! I have come here many times, to see no one was here..for a very long time.iIt has been 2 years, since I moved back to the SF Bay Area..and, yes, Bob is finally here. He wasn’t until recently.That is comforting to me.

I too, have checked this site on occasion, and no one had posted anything. It was kind of sad...but I am sure the SHOCK of Covid changed all of us. The most difficult thing for me to,wrap my head around, was IT IS EVERYWHERE! All countries..I often thank the universe that Bob DIDN’T live to see this..he would have been TERRIFIED.

About the FIRES on the West Coat..yes, I am possibly in danger...they scare me more than ANYTHING! In 2019, we were evacuated for 10 days. I live about an hour north of San Fransisco...and NOW they are popping up in areas of California.most of them have been about an hour away from where I live..I keep a small suitcase ready, and my important papers all in one area in case we have very little last time, and a GO BAG ready for Rudy, my cat.. THIS scares me more than COVID.  

Yet, on July 4 there were SO MANY STUPID PEOPLE who set off fireworks! I do NOT understand how people can be so non caring. 

Lastly, I cannot comprehend all the VIOLENCE that has escalated since Covid hit!!! It is almost as if people figure they are going to die anyway,.so why not do all the terrible things that come to mind? Mass shootings, racial Asian attacks (very frequent in San Fransisco) elder abuse for no is like people have all embraced their DARK SIDE..cuz they have NO HOPE.

I wish you all the best..and an end to this nightmare.

Comment by Marsha H on July 24, 2021 at 4:15pm

Deborah ...  I was married before too and it wasn't a good marriage so I don't have much to worry about there.  Ernie was the light of my life and I keep hoping one day all of us will meet again.  No, the hurt doesn't go away especially when they passed away so young.  I know it must be difficult for you, but you were blessed to have 2 great spouses in your life, but I do understand you have 2 griefs as well and that can be difficult.  

Today is very hot; too hot to even garden.  Grass is now brown and we never use ot have that before.  Keeping busy and some laughter is the best medicine.

Stay safe my friend and have a great day.

Love and hugs to you.


Comment by Marsha H on July 24, 2021 at 4:10pm

Steve ...  great to hear from you.  It seems the weather all  over the world is crazy.  I shudder to think what our winter will be like.  Your last winter sounded terrible.  I use to live up north during the 60s and it would get to -45 and I worked up at the dam site in the office.  The winters up there were dryer unlike the coast where I live so it didn't feel as cold.  

Hope you and Chuck are doing well and I miss the posts from both of you.

Wishing the Legacy family prayers and good health.  Miss you all.  

Love to all of you and stay safe.  


Comment by deborah peck on July 24, 2021 at 11:04am

I hope all our friends and family are safe on the West coast with all the fires raging there. It is supposed to be 105 here today so going to be a craftroom day for me.

Comment by deborah peck on July 21, 2021 at 10:50am

So nice to see everyones post on here, glad everyone is well, Marsha I am so sry you dont have the help you need, I am truly blessed.. Yes 10 years is a long time but its not at the same time, the hurt doesnt go away,my 1st husband has been gone for 33 years now, and it doesnt seem possible that my girls are now older then he was when he passed and yes I think of him often and wonder how it will work when we meet up again someday since both of my husbands have passed. so glad you are doing good Steve, and yes this weather is crazy all around and am praying everyone stays safe thru it all. will be praying for all of you and love seeing your post, I will start posting more often as I think everyone just doesnt know what to say anymore. love to you all and stay well

Comment by Steve G. on July 19, 2021 at 6:56pm


Glad to hear you are out of the heat wave, we had an artic winter this past February.  We had snow, ice, thunder snow, and temps as low as 1 degree f.  This lasted two weeks, and we were some of the lucky ones that did not lose power.  Crazy weather all around.

Good to hear from you, hoping all of our legacy family is ok.

Hugs to all


Comment by Marsha H on July 19, 2021 at 6:11pm

Deborah ...

Wonderful to hear from you and I had left a post to see how everyone was doing quite sometime ago, but no bites.  I just assumed and prayed everyone was OK.  I am so happy your brother moved in and is able to help you.  I am strictly alone with little help.  My neighbor use to help me more, but is not well at the present time so I do what I can do.  

I understand how much you miss Greg and it just never seems to ease up where pain is concerned.  Ernie passed away 10 years ago on April 27th and even to this day without warning every once in awhile I have a good cry or look out at the driveway hoping he'll be walking up from his truck.  It's not weird to feel that way at all and just wishful thinking.

My condolences of the passing of your sister.  I know it has to be very difficult for you and often one doesn't know who they are grieving for when there are more than one person passing that you love.  The hairdresser I got to is going through what you are.  Her sister passed in June and they were very close.  Unfortunately, her sister had pancreatic cancer like Ernie did.  We have talked extensively about it as my hairdresser is very upset and of course going through grief is all new to some people.  

I find it difficult as far as loneliness mainly because of Covid.  Some are very cautious while some aren't.  Difficult to know who will come visit even sitting outside for a BBQ.  Things just aren't the same.  I do see my immediate family every so often, but we are not that close.  They have been loners for years.  My sister-in-law does come to visit me every 2nd Saturday or, I go visit them.  I do visit another girlfriend who has had some great losses in her family.  We've been friends for almost 50 years.  

We had that horrible heat wave and thankfully I have A/C.  So many people passed away from the heat wave (especially the elderly.)  Couldn't even take the dogs for a walk or garden.  

I am doing well considering.  Going through closets, drawers and oh my!  LOL  Such junk and I either give some to charity or throw some out.  Good to get thing tidied up, but a long ways to go.  

Thank you so much for keeping in touch and I think of all of you and pray all of you are kept safe and are happy.

Big hugs 



Comment by Steve G. on July 19, 2021 at 1:29pm


Good to hear from you!  It has been a while for us all on this site.  Nice that your brother was able to move in with you.  Being alone is the second hardest thing one has to endure, we all are social beings and we depend on our friends and family for support.

It is hard for me to realize that this coming November 30th will be 6 years since Mark's passing.   4 year or 6 years, no mater, the pain and grief is ever present.  Saw a movie this weekend on cable " Monster Calling".  It me on several levels, still a very poyant and sweet movie about a 12 year old boy dealing with his mother's terminal cancer.

Glad you reached out today, me and Chuck are both ok, healthy, staying busy at home.  

Take care, stay well and stay safe.

Hugs and more hugs,


Comment by deborah peck on July 19, 2021 at 12:18pm

I look on here often to see if anyone post anymore, its so quiet so thats either a good thing or bad. I depended so much on all of you when Greg first passed away and you were all so supportive. Its been 4 years this past May and I cant believe that much time has passed. I dont think I will ever truly realize hes not coming home, I kinda pretend he is still here.Very wierd. My sister passed away suddenly on May 30th she was 67, its very hard because we had become extremely close in  the past few years, we were very close growing up but drifted our own ways as we got older, so its nice to know we had rebuilt that bond, now I am watching her husband go thru all the pain and changes. My brother has moved in with me and its great, he has the whole back of the house so plenty of privacy for us both and its great to have the companionship and the help on projects, hes kinda a jack of all trades. Anyway I was just checking in on you all and praying everyone is good

Comment by Marsha H on April 28, 2021 at 3:41am

DJ ...  You are a dear wonder!  I was so surprised to see your post.  Yes, it's been 10 years and I don't react as deeply as I did for the first 5 years or so.  I did talk to him on the day (call me crazy) and wished for some sign of him, but unfortunately, nothing came.  Had a toast to him and went over some memories of we had together and yes, even after 10 years a few tears still drops from my eyes.  I think it will alway be until we meet again.  I tried to keep as busy as possible and my girlfriend who's husband passed away 2 years ago was on the same month and day as Ernie's passing.  She called; we said a prayer together for her husband and Ernie and remembered some of the good memories the 4 of us had in past years.

I pray you are doing well my friend and I do think of you often as I do others, but it's been so quiet on Legacy.  

Take care, stay healthy and know I love ya.



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