Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Comment by deborah peck on July 19, 2018 at 12:06pm

Thinking of you and your family Sarah, hope you are all doing okay

Comment by deborah peck on July 16, 2018 at 12:10am

The funeral home actually asked me if I wanted a lock of Gregs hair so my girls and I each got one, I love the idea of putting his hair in a necklace, I just finished ordering one to go on the chain I wear with his fingerprint, the funral home gave me a set of his fingerprints so I had his ring finger print put onto a necklace for me and got my girls each different ones with different finger prints                                                           I pray your mom and you find peace Sara

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 15, 2018 at 11:39pm

Sara...that was an excellent idea about your dads hair. I did the same thing before Bob died..the idea just popped into my I asked the nurse for a pair of scissors, (he was in the hospital at the time) and clipped some, and put it away when I got home...after he passed, I bought some tiny silver PRAYER BOXES. you wear them, either with ashes or a lock of hair inside, on a chain around your neck. I wear mine all the time...if you decide to look,at them..EBay has a very nice selection, and much more reasonable than the funeral homes price them. And it is nice he is always with me, as I still haven't opened the box with Bobs ashes. The lock of hair seems to work better in these tiny boxes. (they also come in gold)  

Maybe your mom would like something like that..

i know you are carrying so much weight and my heart is with you.

i wish you all the must be so hard for you. 

Comment by Sara Murphy on July 15, 2018 at 9:31pm

I want to thank you all again for your support and kind words.  We were at the funeral home for several hours on Friday making arrangements and then my mother changed her mind on Saturday (glad she did).  Her initial gut reaction was to have my father cremated so she could have him at home with her but that isn't what he wanted.   On Saturday she decided to bury him but in a cemetery closer to her home than the cemetery he had wanted.  I think he'll be okay with that as he would want her to be happy.  My brother clipped some of my father's hair before we left the hospital so she'll have that at home with her and that seemed to calm her a bit.

I did go out Saturday night.  A friend was having a cook-out so  I went there for a few hours.  It was nice to have some down time

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 15, 2018 at 11:30am

OMG! Steve...ILOVE Meatloaf!!!  I own both his albums, and actually saw him in person. (That is saying ALOT, as I can name on one hand the concerts I have actually PAID money to see...him, Neil Diamond, David Byrne, Paul Simon.. and free tickets to The Rolling Stones. ALONG time ago, I saw Jefferson Airplane,and  Big Brother and the holding Co, (Janis Joplin) b4 I met Bob, but wasn’t aware they were girlfriend and I just wanted to go to the venues in the 60’s to have fun.  NOW you couldn,t pay me to go to a concert...too crowded..but I would still go to PLAYS and musicals if I wasn,t stuck in Oklahoma lol

My daughter and I actually have sung Paradise by the Dashboard Lights at Karaoke, with RAVES from the audience...we r really good, and acted out the scenes/lyrics. Lol we have also sung Bohemian Rapsody with friends, and had people wave their lighters  and give us a standing ovation while we sang. Lol. Unfortunately, old age, lack of practice, and smoking have nearly killed my voice. 

His songs were written by Jim Steinman, and each one is a dramatic story in itself...and Meatloaf is SOOOOO passionate when he sings them!!!  And YESS, I too loved the Mamas and the Papas...but not to the extent on Meatloaf.

Gee, I can almost see my youth swirling down the drain. Lol

Comment by Steve on July 15, 2018 at 9:24am


ABBA, one of my all time favorite groups, only preceedef by The Mamas and Pappas...thank you.

Music was one of the first things I banned from my life when Mark died, listening and hearing "our" favorites was too painful.  Now though, I don't mind hearing those precious memories and yes I still cry, but differently.  They now leave me feeling happy in a way I did not know before.

One of Mark's favorite singer was Meatloaf...not mine...however, the song he played often was "It's all coming back to me now".  One of my favorites since his passing, I can listen to it and feel his presence...maybe just my imagination...still, I am left with such joy.

Our beloved do visit us, of this am certain, of this I am comforted by. 

Keep singing and dancing dear lady, music is a universal medicine for all....enjoy.

Comment by DJ on July 14, 2018 at 11:37pm

Sara; sorry for your loss.  It's good that Ken has been with you all week.  Your Dad will be joining him to be by your side now

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 14, 2018 at 10:28pm

Theses last few days have been very weird..apparently for a few of US! they started slowly, but last night and a few days b4, I would be going about my day, when suddenly I would get the feeling of the huge sharp KNIFE of pain, and desolation running thu my heart..and feel an overwhelming sense of desolation. It DIDN,t last very long, maybe a few seconds...and then about 30 minutes while I mulled it over each time...recollected etc..I think u all know what I am talking about..but the TIMING was different. And I got the feeling maybe the planets are aligned some weird way..did anyone else here feel strangely sad too?

Deb...I loose track of how long it’s been too..then I feel I too, have a ROBIN thing..that happened about a month was a Sunday, and I was VERY depressed ...there is a SINGLE robin that hangs around the back yard...I named him Bob, for the song lyrics “the red Red Robin goes BOb Bob Bobbin’ along.ANYWAY, that day I felt sad, so I looked out the back door to see my robin..and he wasn,t there...and I got REALLY angry..and I stood there and swore, at Bob...cuz since he made me sad by leaving, the LEAST he could do is send the darn robin when I needed it..but NOTHING..for about 10 minutes .so I turned away from the window, and saw a movement to my right, AND THERE HE WAS. Yup, the little bird hopped into view. He turned, looked at me, then flew if to say: gimme a break here..I came as soon as I could. 

Now my last thing..tonight they showed Mama Mia on TV...of course I cried...and sang, and danced and cried more, cuz it was cheesy and happy and it reminded me I wasn,t...and they had the words to each song at the bottom of the screen...ok, I own all ABBAS CD,s and thought I knew the song words..but songs lyrics hit me like a blow to the head: it is called Voulez Vous

”Now is All We Get...Nothing promised, No Regrets”

How true.  Goodnight, kids

Comment by Marsha H on July 14, 2018 at 4:32pm

Todd ...  It's wonderful to see you post again and thank you so much for the picture of that sculpture and I know we can all relate to that.  In fact, just the other day I was sitting outside on the deck in the same position feeling defeated, over-whelmed and sad.  Missing my Ernie, had some dear friends pass away and now helping my best girlfriend try to defeat cancer and on and on it goes.  It's as if the Grim Reaper is sitting on my doorstep.  While I sit like that, I think a lot about life and death and hurting so bad missing those I love.  It's part of grieving as we know, but later I realize that there is a reason for everything even if we don't understand it.  Some days one can feel like they are walking on air and without warning we can feel like that sculpture.  Art is a wonderful way of expressing how each of us feels so thank you again.

Hope you are doing as well as you can and that peace comes to more and more as the days pass.



Comment by Marsha H on July 14, 2018 at 4:25pm

Dear Sarah ...  I am so sorry to hear about your father.  Losing a spouse is bad enough, but I can understand your feelings of losing your father and yes, you are right, we expect our spouses to be there when one or both of our parents pass away and I was lucky I had Ernie.

All the feelings you are having now raises up the thought of your own mortality and a 'who is next' attitude, but that will fade away in the future.  You have lost and losing the very people you love and it's so hard to deal with.  Yes, I've felt like you and at times I just wonder when my turn is coming, but up I get, dust myself off and do what I have to do.  You were a good daughter and a good wife and made your husband and father proud of you.  You have have the strength to get through this and we're all here to support you.

I don't know if this will help or not and it does come with age most of the time (I'm in my 70's) but I look at the passing of loved ones that they are out of pain and going to a better place and waiting for us to join them.  That gives me a great deal of peace.  I know they are still right by us helping where they can.  

Praying for you Sara to give you the strength to get through this.




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