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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Latest Conversations: Nov 2

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Universe

Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on June 14, 2020 at 12:33am

Hi everyone. I have a general question..did any of you loose your memory after your loved one passed? Ironically, I wouldn’t have realized I had lost it, if not for the fact it is returning..in SPADES! 

As I look back, I realize after Bob died, for the 3 1/2 years I lived alone, I wasn,t bothered, if I couldn’t remember anything at all..not realizing I had very little recall..if asked something, I didn,t try to think of an answer, I would immediately shrug.. “oh I can’t remember anything any more, because I couldn,t have remembered if offered a million dollars. Sometimes I would try DESPERATELY to recall stuff.but come up blank and frustrated. This is random stuff, NOT the loss of Bob..THAT was all I COULD remember. But the past 3 months, I have developed total recall..IE: tonight watching SNL, into my head popped this question..who was the little balding writer for EARLY SNL..and BUCK HENRY popped into my head in a millisecond. HOW DO I KNOW THIS STUFF? Entire song lyrics, of songs I barely remember..random stuff like that. But, it is ALL THE TIME! ALL DAY LONG! It’s great, as I was constantly loosing stuff, now I remember in a second where I left stuff, or someone’s name..etc.

just wondering if this is normal? Thanks, kids

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on June 13, 2020 at 11:04am

Thank you Deborah and Mary Jane,

I am feeling a bit more focused and peaceful this weekend - perhaps it is trying to limit my exposure to the news combined with diving head first into some in-progress projects for my doll collection. They are perfect companions when I need to forget the world and it's troubles...non-threatening, compliant, and remarkable tolerant of the insane things I say to them as I sew or paint their faces. 

I wish everybody here a safe and peaceful weekend. Mary Jane, I just know you will like Into The Woods - both versions are excellent, but I am partial to the filmed stage version myself. The over-riding message or moral is one from which we all can benefit - We can't run and hide from life and the world, so we hesitantly or bravely venture forth in pursuit of a wish, or a solution...or just and answer to our eternal question "Why?"

Sending love and hugs to you all - 

Chuck

Comment by Mary. Jane on June 12, 2020 at 7:46pm

I MISSED A MUSICAL????  OMG!!

THankyou, Chuck! I am a musical junkie..and am horrified I had never heard of INTO the WOODS..I didn,t see The Greatest Showman until this year..so I Googled the WOODS discovered it was 2014..that was the year I was bitten by a brown recluse spider, and contacted Epstein Barr Virus..which left me like a dish rag for two years..so I am SOOO EXCITED as I am going to watch it on Amazon Prime this weekend.YAAYYY. First I will listen to all the songs on YOUTUBE...so I can sing along.

Chuck you will be ok..we all will eventually. “AND THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS” the COVID19 thing..andlife will return to a less stressful reality..but VERY different..and better.

I marched for Black Lives in the 60’s, nothing much happened, but THIS time, people are paying attention..and there will be amazing results. 

We try to keep the traditions we shared with our loved ones..and we DO, but just in a different manner.Larry knows you will always cherish and keep your them, and Steve approves..so please don,t worry. Even tho your traditions might alter a bit, they will always live in your heart, and be followed again after this nightmare is over.

Comment by deborah peck on June 12, 2020 at 11:24am

Charles, so sorry you seem to be having a hard time lately, I think not being able to get out and about is probably partly to blame, or it is for me. I think staying home is giving you more time to miss Larry even more. Im so glad you have Steve who so gets what your going thru, its all the little things we did together and now cant even do at all is such a blow to our hearts and soul. Praying for you to find peace

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on June 11, 2020 at 9:46am

Hello everyone,

Sunday was supposed to be the Tony Awards - Larry and I always, and I mean ALWAYS watched. The fact that it was cancelled this year was for me a very severe gut punch, partly because it again emphasized the serious ways our lives have been altered, but also because I felt like I was losing Larry all over again. Crazy, huh? I told Steve, kind-hearted long-suffering Steve, that it was going to be Broadway night come hell or high water, and we watched the movie version of "Kiss Of The Spider Woman", Bette Midler's "Gypsy", and then I watched "Into The Woods". The latter is one of my all-time favorites, and all Sondheim's plays contain lyrics that seem to speak directly to my deepest feelings and truths. NO, I'm not gay...not much. Couldn't be gayer if I farted rainbows and sequins. Anyway, in 2015 about 6 months after losing Larry I was on the couch - my permanent place by then - I wouldn't even consider sleeping in our bed so slept on the couch as well - and watched this filming of the play, superior to the Disney movie for me. When this song came near the ending I just totally lost it for about the 500th time since April 22nd. I apologize for being, I don't know - dramatic, theatrical, whatever, but I have all my life believed that music and art speak more truly to our humanity than words can - maybe because they transcend language, age, trends, and vibrate in our souls. Anyway, if you haven't seen this version of Into The Woods, and if you like Sondheim, then check it out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDXcGZHBiGo
The ways in which memories come and seem to both pierce and simultaneously warm my heart will forever be a puzzlement. Oops, another Broadway reference – I should quit before I burst into horrible off-key singing…
Love, Chuck

Comment by Steve G. on June 3, 2020 at 5:32pm

You do not have to log in, it is my personal blog titled

"All the people in my life"

Just scroll down till you find his story

Comment by Steve G. on June 3, 2020 at 5:27pm

https://www.facebook.com/stephen.goodwin264/ 

Look for story that Chuck wrote, titled

"What Am I Afraid Of"

To big for legacy. 

Comment by Steve G. on May 29, 2020 at 7:26am

Thank you Marsha, 

I love that quote, you always lift me up.

To my wiser sister in Canada, I love you.

To all the Angels on Legacy, I love you one and all!

Comment by Marsha H on May 29, 2020 at 6:36am

Dear Sara ...  I know just how you feel about Ken and I the same about Ernie.  Even after 9 years I still think of him often and all the special events we had celebrated together.  Now when there is one I just make a special dinner, light candles, have a wine and sit in the living room where we preferred to dine and raise my glass to a wonderful man.  I know these words don't help, but all of us here were so very lucky to have spouses we loved so deeply and deeper than the sea as so many people never experience that.  I am thinking of you and I know Ken must be very proud of you.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on May 29, 2020 at 6:31am

Dear Steve ...

I was in tears my friend that you fear about the future.  Remember, throughout history whether it be impending war, terrorism or the threat of diseases they do pass and there is still a future.  So hold your head high, don't be afraid and when housebound I realize it's tough, but you are doing all the right things.  

Here is another passage from this wise lady you quoted:

Hope and fear cannot occupy the same space. Invite one to stay ...

 

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