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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Bad and even worse days

Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Patricia Huett Apr 28. 3 Replies

Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Comment by David Heggi on March 14, 2018 at 1:10pm

I'm so sorry, Anthony.  Your loss is so new and raw;  it is what each of us in this group has gone through.  This has been said many times, but it is true:  time does heal.  In the meantime, and especially now, please post those sometimes scary feelings here anytime. There are many kind people here ready to listen and give you support

Comment by Anthony Umphenour on March 14, 2018 at 9:35am

Thank you Sara for reaching out to me.  You are very kind.  I lost my husband on 10/6/17 after bravely fighting for 3 years from colon cancer.  He was not only my love but my support.  I feel like I'm drowning in sorrow and can't catch my breath.  I can't even type these without tears streaming down my face.  

Comment by Sara Murphy on March 13, 2018 at 9:41pm

Chicago....true statement.  Wish I knew how to start over.

Comment by Chicago Beard on March 13, 2018 at 11:08am

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Comment by Steve Cain on March 11, 2018 at 4:43am

Sara,

Glad to know you're OK and still with us. Please use us as your check in point. If you need us to contact someone for assistance let us know and we'll make phone calls if you can't.

Jesse,

Like all of us here, you are now, sadly, part of the club no one wants to be a member of. As Mary Jane says, we're happy that you found us. We are here for you when others aren't.

What you are experiencing is what a lot of here have gone through in terms of feeling lost in a fog.  I am a very mentally organized person and after I lost Kris I couldn't even organize my everyday life.  It does improve, even though right now you're not sure what is going on.

I will also tell you to contact your local hospice. Most of them have programs for surviving spouses. Mine set me up with a companion who visited me during the first two years. He was very helpful, especially the day I found out my stepson was stealing from my wife's and my checking account. That human touch, as good as having us can be, is the conduit that can mean the difference between keeping together or not.

We're here whenever you need us, so if you're going through a moment, reach out, someone will get back to you.

Comment by Mary. Jane on March 10, 2018 at 11:01pm

Jesse..I am happy you found us so early in your pain and loss. This place has been a life saver for me, and hopefully it can be for you, too. As Sara stated...your journey is just starting...but the people here UNDERSTAND what you are going through, when our personal friends who HAVEN’T faced this tragedy try, and mean well, but don,t always know what to say or how to act around us.

I lost my husband Bob 2 years ago...after 49 years of marriage..yeah, I am really old..lol, and in most ways it seems like it was only yesterday. But YOU will change. I DIDN,t think I would make it through the first year...but I did..thanks to being here...you are fortunate to have found us so soon. It took me over a year to find this group, and when I did, it was like coming home. I  wish you all things good. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on March 10, 2018 at 10:44pm

Oh Sara, I know the terror you must have felt..and possibly will again, as nature brings us such terrible things. Tonight we had a thunderstorm, and this is the beginning of tornado season..I ran around packing my small case, and getting the cats carrier ready..and it was just thunder. I pre freaked...sometimes I think we should have the phone numbers of everyone, so we can call them in times of terror...cuz my wi-fi doesn,t work in power failures. That was actually meant to b a bit humorous, but other people just don,t get it...the level of fear those of us who are alone now. 

Also, the last few years, the weather has been doing terrible things to us humans...

Comment by Marsha H on March 10, 2018 at 7:07pm

Sara ...  Sorry to hear about the storm, but happy you are safe.  I feel the same as you do even now after almost 7 years without Ernie when a storm comes.  I have 300 foot Cedar trees in my backyard and when a big wind comes up I am anxious, but when Ernie was here I felt safer.

I also know what you mean about no one checking up on you, but thankfully one friend did.  I get the same thing here and it frustrates me.  When Ernie passed grief counseling warned us that some friends would disappear out our lives, but I sure didn't expect my small immediate family to not give blast whether I was save or sound after a storm.  I have 2 nephews that live less than 2 blocks from me.  It saddens my heart.  I know Ernie would be so disappointed that so many friends disappeared from my life (as if I never counted) and people made promises to me at his Celebration of Life ...  don't worry, we'll be there.  Yeah right!  My next door neighbor Dan is fairly good at helping me, but works and often is away.  I also have a nice young man who will come when I need him to do heavy things for me, but of course I have to pay.  Gone are the old days when neighbors and friends worried about each other.

I hope and pray you are having better days Sara.

Comment by Sara Murphy on March 10, 2018 at 4:01pm

So my area had another nor'easter this past week which is nothing new for New England.  My area was hit hard and 90% of my town was without power.  The power was only out for 31 hours but it was a long 31 hours.  I miss Ken so much more during times like these.  I had no one to snuggle with and keep warm and no one to share the worry with.  If a tree fell on my house, I'm on my own.  It's such an uncomfortable feeling.   I only had one friend call to check on me because she saw on the news how hard hit my town was.   I would love to be able to talk to Ken right now and ask if he's disappointed in the people he thought he'd be able to count on.  I meant everything to him so I'm sure he is disappointed.  This is one of the first things I want to ask him when we meet again.

Comment by Sara Murphy on March 10, 2018 at 3:53pm

Jesse, I'm so sorry for loss that brought you to us.  Unfortunately you're just beginning a long and arduous journey.  Please don't put any pressure on yourself or set unrealistic timetables of where you should be in your grief at any point in time.  You're just one month in and for me, one month was the equivalent of 5 minutes.  I lost my husband Ken in Jan 16 so I'm just over the 2 year mark and I still can't believe he's gone.  I think about him all day every day and miss him with every breath I take.  I also still can't see a future without him.  You've come to the right place, a place of people who truly understand.  I hope you'll be able to find the comfort here that I did. 

 

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