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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1371
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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Diane C on May 21, 2019 at 12:09pm

I thought this was very appropriate for all of us......

"Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim."

- Vicki Harrison

Comment by Marsha H on May 21, 2019 at 12:17am

Debbie R ...  Hope you got my email address.  Sent it to your private account.  If you have issues navigating to find it just leave me a post here.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Frances C Younger on May 19, 2019 at 12:36pm

Sitting on an empty pew.  trying to think of Jesus, but can't get my mind off you.  My Blues for today.

Comment by Marsha H on May 19, 2019 at 5:58am

Debbie R ...  You are part of our family (sisters and brothers) and as I always say 'angels' on Legacy.  Please keep coming back and posting and there is not a thing you can see that we wouldn't understand.  Never think for a minute anything you feel is silly or crazy because it's not.  

I think it's wonderful you go to visit Tommy.  No, he's not in the grave, but sitting next to you smiling and forcing those memories you both had together.  You are never alone Debbie.  Remember I said in another post that when we love our spouses so deeply and they loved us death does not stop that love.  So much is not known of the unknown and as far as myself I believe our spouses are right there for us.  

I've always been a really huggy person.  LOL  I'd love that big hug and one back at you.  It would be so wonderful if all of us could meet somewhere, but never forget the longer you are on Legacy you feel like you know us.

Have a peaceful day my dear friend and I'm praying for you and all the other angels on here.

Big huge hug!

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on May 19, 2019 at 5:48am


Steve ...  That's absolutely beautiful and I BELIEVE!  Thank you my dear brother.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 18, 2019 at 12:29pm

Dear Debbie,

It makes me feel better to think that maybe something I have said in some small way has helped you. This is what I found here right from the start almost 4 years ago. I know what you mean, that hearing about everyone's sadness and loneliness makes me want so much to be able to take it away, but of course I can't. All we can do is be here with and for each other, listening and sharing. In my mind I imagine a gathering of us all in person - I want the Kleenex concession on that event!

I think is so good that you visit Tommy on the weekends - were I close enough and able to drive, I would have done so where Larry's ashes are interred, but that was not possible. I got to visit there with Steve before moving from NJ in 2017, and hope we will go there again one day if we are in that area. I wonder often if his children or sister ever visit there. I don't think they do - I feel like I have lost an entire family after his passing, but sadly came to face the truth that for them, I never really was "family", just someone who lived with Larry. 

Memorial Day approaches, bringing with it much talk about and appropriate focus on remembering our lost heroes. I send my love and hugs to all here whose spouses served our country in the services, and to all who themselves serve. This can be an especially rough time for us all, with constant visuals of cemeteries and graves. I pray for us all that we find some peaceful place in our hearts to remember and embrace our lost loves, who I know are watching from right beside us and loving us back.

Love and hugs to all,

Chuck

Comment by Steve G. on May 18, 2019 at 7:12am

Dear Family,  I do not remember where I found this online, it is still my most favorite; below it is a Poem I also found that I re post from time to time.  Hope everyone finds peace from reading these.

Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.

For those who believe:

I wish I could tell you of all that God has planned
But if I were to tell you, you wouldn’t understand
But one this is for certain though my life on earth is o’re
I am closer to you now than I was ever before
And to my very many friends, trust God knows what is best
I’m still not far away from you, I’m just beyond the crest
There are rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb
But together we can do it taking one day at a time
It was always my philosophy and I’d like it for you too
That as you give unto the world so the world will give to you
If you can help somebody who is in sorrow or in pain
Then you can say to God at night my day was not in vain
And now I am contented that my life was worthwhile
Knowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smile
So if you meet somebody who is down and feeling low
Just lend a hand to pick him/her up as on your way you go.
When you are walking down the street and you’ve got me on your mind,
I’m walking in your footsteps only half a step behind
And when you feel the gentle breeze or the wind upon your face
That’s me giving you a great big hug or just a soft embrace
And when it’s time for you to go from that body to be free
Remember you’re not going you are coming here to me.
I will always love you.

Anonymous

Comment by Debbie R on May 18, 2019 at 6:20am

Marsha, Chuck, Charles  - all of you who've come on here to help me understand this truly brings tears to my eyes.  I don't even know what to say when I say thank you, from the bottom of my heart.  I had no idea the human body could feel such pain and I don't know how all of you have gotten "through it".  It breaks my heart knowing that you've all felt the same way and I don't even know you.  It's so sad.

I'm going to the cemetery to visit Tommy now, my usual weekend morning thing.  I drink a cup of coffee as I sit on a shower curtain liner next to him (wet grass).  I always take home a handful of pebbles because the grass hasn't grown in completely.  I know he's not there but I feel it's as close to him as I can get right  now and I chat with him and tell him how things are going.  I know that sounds crazy but again, he's "right there" and I can see his beautiful face if I close my eyes.

Deb P, I'm so very sorry for what you're going through and I will say a prayer for you.  Your Greg is still alive and well in your heart and your memories and I hope that after time, like a lot of these wonderful folks say, you will find some sort of peace and smile when you recall your times with your sweetie instead of cry.  I'm very glad that you have a large family that supports you; that's a true blessing. 

I hope everyone here enjoys their weekend (as much as possible) and I really do wish I could hug all of you.  Nothing better than a good hug, right?  I'm sad that you're all feeling the way you do and wish I could make it go away but I can't.  Too bad we can't set up a nice picnic somewhere and enjoy each other in person :(

A hug to all of you. xo  debbie

Comment by Marsha H on May 18, 2019 at 4:41am

Dear Deb P ...  My heart goes out to you and I can feel your pain and sadness.  I agree with Mary.Jane.  I too have had experiences where I feel Ernie around me.  I ask Ernie to help me drive home in the dark after visiting my brother and his wife or out visiting a friend.  You bet Greg is there for you.  We deeply loved our spouses and I honestly believe the love doesn't stop after death.  I also believe when  it's our time to leave this earth our spouses will be there waiting for us.  Perhaps they'll come to us and help us cross-over.  

Your Greg is right there for you and you talk to him when you feel like it.  My Ernie passed in April 2011 and Christmas Eve of that year I was wrapping last minute gifts on the coffee table when I felt a peace come over me.  As I looked in the direction of where my wall unit was there he was!  I was not drinking, not on drugs or hallucinating.  I wasn't afraid as I stared at him.  He seemed to be glowing with billions of stars shining (sort of like Patrick Swayze in Ghost.  Hard to explain.  Ernie elbow was leaning on the wall unit and he was smiling down at myself and dogs and then he disappeared, but I sensed he was still there.  It was he wanted to let me know 'just checking in on you.'  So my dear friend BELIEVE!  You are never alone because Greg is there.  One day you will be together once again.  I am very cynical about 'signs', but I have been proven wrong.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 17, 2019 at 2:42pm

Oh Deb..u don,t need to say goodbye...as he will ALWAYS be with you! Bob is always with me..I can feel him all the time...I have been reading the posts here but haven,t responded as I am finally selling and buying a new home...and have been in California looking for a home, and now it is happening too fast...but the great thing, is LOOK FOR SIGNS that GREG is with you. I am serious they are all around you! The cat actually stares into the air at  vacant spaces where no one is there for long minutes..and if I call his name, he will look at me, then refocus on what he sees that I cannot. .we get butterflies, LOTS OF THE SAME BIRDS...I will open the blinds in the morning, at different times, and there is a Robin in the yard, facing me...and staring directly at me.as if he knew I was going to open that window...or another window...special numbers keep repeating on signs or clocks...too many things to be coincidents, for over 3 years. My daughter sees the same things, so it is not just me. So, I end up talking to Bob a lot! And it is comforting to know he is watching over us. 

There is a little test you can do...I am ALWAYS misplacing things..little things..and a few years ago, I said something to the universe..”If Bob was here, he could FIND this for me.” Cuz he did that all the time...he would walk into the room I thought I last had the object...and find it instantly!well, either him!or the universe heard me...and I was able to locate whatever it was right away...at first I thought it was a fluke...but not any more...I ask Bob to help me find XYZ...and there it is! Or, it will pop into my brain where I left it...words or ideas that I KNOW are from him always help me...names of people, places, etc..I know I am rambling here...but our loved nes are still here..helping us get through life. I know this as sure as I know my name. It happens to Melinda (daughter) too...and her persona is totally different from mine. She is not flighty, spacey or distracted like I am. 

So to all of you who think they have gone..they are still here...Bob has also done things like direct Melinda when she is driving...i.e. a random thought like taking a different way home pops into her head..and she finds out later, there was  bad traffic, or different suggestions, or ideas...it is so hard to explain....but I urge you to listen! Open your hearts and minds, and you might be surprised...

 

 

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