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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Charles E. Nelson on April 2, 2019 at 7:03pm

Hello all,

It's been so long since posting that I had to reset my password! I had replies I had wished to post to so many of your posts, but it seemed time or circumstance always kept me from doing so. It is good though to now see many familiar names appear again. Last week Steve and I met with his cousin visiting Dallas, and at dinner was describing the way that Legacy had helped us both to begin our path toward healing - a path that unexpectedly led to us living together. In the telling, I was reminded afresh of how miraculous finding this family was for me four years ago. I would hate to think that this incredible source of support, compassion, and encouragement would ever cease to be available to newly grieving people!

April is now for me a month that will forever bring with it such a confusing jumble of feelings that I face it with trepidation and a resolve to get through the fresh mix of memories and sadness with at least a modicum of grace. My Larry passed on the 22nd, but from the 5th I had been hospitalized, a situation that in retrospect must have been Hell on earth for Larry. I remember one Sunday morning asking the nurse, after noticing a vase with daffodils near my bed if it was Easter yet. I will never forget the look on her face as she said "Oh, honey, I'm afraid that you've missed Easter this year."

I have so much I want to share about all these past months, but for now will just tell you that before the ground froze in NJ last fall I had a memorial plaque installed on Larry's grave finally. I couldn't afford it in 2015 when his cremains were interred, and it had been growing in the back of my mind into a much bigger issue as the years passed. Steve, bless him, knew this and encouraged me to begin the process early enough that approving designs and making payments along the way it would be done in 2018. I am adding a photo of it here. We were prevented from travelling to NJ to see it last year because of Steve's radiation treatments that commenced in Oct. Perhaps we will get north this year, but if not I am hoping that Larry's son, and perhaps a few other members of his family, will visit him and approve of my choice of a message.

I'll stop here, but send my love and many hugs to you all - although you may not have seen me here, I have been reading and keeping you all in my heart.

Love, Chuck 

Comment by Marsha H on April 2, 2019 at 4:02am

Diane C ....  Great to see you posting my dear friend!  Thanks you for thinking of me and I'm getting a little more energy each day, but hey, I still have that nap during early evening.  LOL  I guess like many of us the chores we have to do inside and outside if we live in our homes can sure be over-whelming.  I have no idea where to start.  

I don't think that Legacy will disappear at all.  Facebook is having a great deal of issues and I've heard some of my friends say they have ditched Facebook.  Security isn't as tight as they would have you believe.  I come here not just out of loyalty, but love my dear family here and it was Legacy that saved me through the worst of my grief.  

Hope you are doing well Diane and please keep posting.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Diane C on April 1, 2019 at 11:12am

Good to see some of you posting again!! I have missed all of you! Marcy, so glad to hear you are feeling better. I knew when you were missing in action that something serious was up. Glad to hear that you are on the mend. I feel the same as the rest of you, I wish we all lived near each other. That would be some serious fun I am sure. But we would also be able to be of help in person when someone really needs it. But, we will just have to settle for what we have on this website. And I am truly grateful for this site and all the people. I worry that some day this very important support system will go away as people join facebook and other sites. Glad to hear everyone is doing the best they can right now.

Comment by Marsha H on March 31, 2019 at 4:30am

Mary.Jane ...  I is a shame we live so far away from each other and I know we'd hit it off and have the time of our lives and oh, I DRIVE!  LOL  You bet the town wouldn't be the same if they cut us loose there.

Sadly most of the people I hold dear to my heart are on this forum yet so sad that everyone lives so far away.  I think I'm the only Canadian on the board.  

Hope your weekend is a good one my friend.  Thanks for the post, made me smile.

Comment by Mary. Jane on March 30, 2019 at 10:33pm

Marsha, its a darn shame we couldn,t meet for a weekend of fun and frivolity. We could have so much fun together! We are both super outgoing and the two of us could really kick A$$!

Comment by Marsha H on March 30, 2019 at 5:24am

Mary.Jane ...  Nice to hear from you.  I've always been a very extroverted person and when Ernie was still here we had loads of friends, but as grief counseling warned the group for some reason many friends seem to fade away.  Also some of my friends are older than myself and not well.  In fact, going out on Sunday to visit a dear friend who is terminal and it's going to be difficult.  

I have my 2 lovely little dogs so I know what you mean by pets keeping one from being totally lonely.  My Tootsie is 16 and at the present time eating, drinking well, but has slight dementia and I have had her in every 2 weeks to the vets to be sure she isn't in pain.  I know the day is coming soon when I will have to say goodbye to my fur baby.  I will still have Booker my other little dog, but he will miss Tootsie and he has bad separation anxiety.  

It helps when you have a good relationship with one of your children and unfortunately, I don't have children.  My nephews who live just down the street from me are moving April 1st a fair way from me and I am really going to miss them.  

Don't worry so much about something happening to your dear kitty or your daughter and enjoy them every single day.  

Comment by Marsha H on March 30, 2019 at 5:19am


Sara ....  Thank you for the lovely post.  I am gaining strength all the time and trying to keep busy as I can.  I hope you don't get this flu either.  As I said in another post I haven't had the flu since the 70's.  This one is a sneaky flu and you can catch it again so like you I use Purell on my hands as well and wash my hands as soon as I come home.  You are so lucky you are working and wish I could, but can't cut the mustard at my age anymore.  Long days aren't for me anymore.  LOL

I hope you have peaceful and happy days and stay healthy.

Comment by Sara Murphy on March 28, 2019 at 11:38am
Deb...It's nice to see your post. I hope you're doing as well. I haven't posted much lately either, partly because work is crazy and partly because I feel like I've healed as much as I'm going to and don't want to bring down the group with my thoughts. I love Ken with every inch of my soul and will never get over him/past him/beyond him etc. Although I don't feel there's much of a future for me, I still want everyone here to find happiness. Who knows, maybe some day God will put someone in my path and I'll eventually feel differently. Until then...….
Comment by Sara Murphy on March 28, 2019 at 11:25am
Hi Marsha...I hope you're feeling a bit better. Knock on wood I haven't had the flu but it was going around work and I did my best to keep to myself and use lots of purell. I'm sorry your nephew is moving further away. It's hard to feel "orphaned" as you say. I'm glad you have the one good neighbor you can count on. That's hard to come by these days.
Comment by Mary. Jane on March 28, 2019 at 10:50am

I am sorry you both feel lonely at times. For some reason, I don,t feel overly “lonely” per say...I miss Bob, and lately I am very angry that he left me here all alone...cuz I don,t know how to drive,  so I am pretty much stuck at home...but my kitty REALLY helps most  loneliness I might feel. He doesn,t act like a regular cat..more like a dog...it’s wonderful!  I live in TERROR as he gets older..and also n terror that something will happen to my daughter, Melinda...but coming here helps me know I am not alone in my grief and anger. My daughter calls me every night on her drive home from work, and we talk for about 45 mins each night. Maybe that is a big help to me not feeling lonely, as I know I have her and she loves me and cares about me unconditionally. She, and Rudy my kitty are basically saving my life.

It,s kind of nice to know when I come here, I am not the only one in pain..and I like hopefully helping others get thru the horrid times.

 

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