Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22. 2 Replies

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25. 4 Replies

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Kaela Roster Federle Sep 25. 27 Replies

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Comment by Chicago Beard on Sunday

Mary Jane

As far as your driving goes I am 4'11", so two inches taller than you. Today's cars get you up close enough and the seats are adjustable enough to get you over the steering wheel. You are right about the other drivers  but do not let others limit you.

Comment by Mary. Jane on Sunday

David, there is a famous saying from somewhere..”It is better to have loved and lost, than never have loved at all”

Years  ago, before technology, maybe in the 80,s, I was involved in some telephone was just answering the phones, and talking to people. I will not elaborate, but I never knew so many desperately lonely people were out there. I was shocked at the number of people who lived alone, and had never ever been in any kind of relationship. The sadness hopelessness, desperation and heartbreak in their voices was almost palitivable. I was kind, tried to console these people, but it was heartbreaking to listen to them..I had never known how many lonely people there were out there who had never found “someone” ..kinda like the song Elenor Rigby...but this was real, sometimes when I am feeling sorry for myself I think of those folks...and how fortunate I was to have has someone in my life for so we all are here. Yes, our loves are gone, but we have wonderful memories to hold on to..and possibilities if we choose to do so. I can only imagine how those people felt, and to me it is horrible.

Comment by David Heggi on Sunday

I finally get it:

The deeper and longer we love the deeper and longer we grieve. There's no getting around it.

Comment by Mary. Jane on Sunday

Thanks DJ for the hopeful post, but I really Dought it, I am only 4’9” tall, and my legs can barely reach the pedals, even with a pillow on the seat...and all the other crazies on the roads really scare me. But, who knows what the future will,bring.

Comment by DJ on Saturday

Mary Jane:  with your youthful spirit, I'm betting age will eventually succumb to your ambition for freedom, and you will pick up the learn-to-drive gauntlet.  And you will overcome!

Comment by Mary. Jane on Saturday

You are a very brave and kind man.

Comment by Chicago Beard on Saturday

Mary Jane

I do not regret falling in love with my current lady. I found myself super lonely so I actually went and joined some dating sites. I was just saying I do not know if I would take the risk for a third time. I know life is basically a series of risks/risk avoidance. Do things at your pace. There is no reason to rush out and find someone new, nor is there a reason to avoid it. Listen to your heart. It will tell you when/if. As will I if I find myself in the same position again.

Comment by Mary. Jane on Saturday

STEVE,,what nice things you said about MARSHA...I agree with everything. Anytime someone posts about their pain, I find my self thinking WWMS..and I wait for her response, as she has insight thatnindon,t even THINK of! 

Beard, that is wonderful. I know there are several people here that took the chance and fell in love again...I even found myself considering what if I met someone. Yes, it is a HUGE risk...and yes, there have been a few people here who have lost a second love..but what about all the times they had with their new love. Even tho they went through a second death, look at the wonderful times they had. Before that second loss. Those years with someone new were spent in Love...yes, they still grieved for their first love, and now have to do it again...but wasn,t the price worth it? 

You have a second chance...and although it could end badly, there are no guarantees in this life..we are on this earth for a millisecond..we were meant to LIVE, not spend years and years huddled in a chair...but to go out and make the best of what we,ve had dealt to us. 

Sadly I am afraid to take my own advice..but at least I gave it a thought...which is more than I would have done 6 months ago.


Comment by deborah peck on Saturday

Chicago, what a great memory of you and your wife, all memories are bittersweet aren't they, we love them but also make us sad. Very happy you have found another love, yes you will always grieve for your wife but she would be happy for you.  I know my sis is just trying to help and I never let her knw her remarks are being taken the wrong way, and no she has never been thru this. Take care of yourself and have a great holiday

Comment by Chicago Beard on Saturday

This evening I went to see my adopted niece dance in the Nutcracker. She did very well. My Rose and I had seen her every week since she came home from the hospital until just before my Rose passed. They were extremely close. All I could think of during the performance was how Rose would have loved to see this and how proud she would have been. Of course that got the tears flowing.  It still hurts like hell even after seven years and being in a committed relationship for six. I am one of those members who does not post much but keeps tabs on what is going on through everyone else's posts.


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