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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on March 11, 2019 at 3:05pm

Oh, Diane...when I read your post, I burst into tears. Thank you. This past week or two has been a nightmare in most every way. The one GOOD thing, is that I have felt Bob here with me, trying to comfort me ..yeah I know that sounds nuts, but it is true.

Friday I spent the day preparing for storms and tornados, repacked my backpack that holds Rudy’s food, (my cat) and some essentials,  vacuumed out the shelter..it was expected to start at midnight...at 3am giant hail, and screeching winds were shaking the house so badly, that Rudy is STILL terrified... us of the storms, and my stress..animals feed off our emotions, he has been going from room to room for 3 days...over and over...Hasn’t slept like usual..I sort of got sick Sat while grocery shopping, I had to sit on a bench..got home and actually thought I was dying..lied down and waited...couldn,t eat for 3 days, Melinda  sent me a pic of them bleaching the wooden floors of their cabin..with a mask and miners light on her head..I am trying to get this house ready to sell...my meds are making me sick...cuz I have been in so much pain from lifting and hauling stuff..last night was the final straw..I had listed some stuff on EBay..only two were from th U.S. so I had to cancel their bids...and one still hasn’t,t paid..so I removed ALL my listings..and I am DONE with selling. I had a bunch of Kirks Folly stuff for sale...so I took the items that I canceled and put them in a box with the one necklace that DID sell, and I am GIFTING it to the nice lady that paid right away. Why not? It is just stuff, and doesn,t make any difference. 

Wow, when I read this back, it seems SOOO TRIVIAL...but every little thing seems to set me off...and the cherry on top is DAYLIGHT SAVINGS.  OMG why? No one likes it! The farms are gone..let’s leave the clocks the same all year!

OK I feel better now..not really, I am just overwhelmed. Thanks for that, Diane. I wish someone would hug me and somehow I would feel better.  I DO realize how fortunate I really am..I just wanna whine about it.

Comment by Diane C on March 11, 2019 at 1:17pm

I read this posted on a Daily Grief Support Email I receive...  "One day someone is going to hug you so tight, that all of your broken pieces will stick back together" - Anonymous

Give someone a hug. It is good for your soul, and makes you feel connected. Hope everyone is ok...

Comment by Mary. Jane on March 5, 2019 at 11:32am

Wow..3 months! Ironic how the bad times don’t dominate our memories..but we never forget the good times.Thank you for sharing that. 

Comment by deborah peck on March 5, 2019 at 11:01am

Mary Jane I totally forgot that in 1993 when the Midwest was hit with historical flooding we were flooded out of our home for 3 months. when it happened we were in Orlando with our girls and got the call from my family. Luckily we had my family to stay with while we waited to be able to check our house out. we were one of the lucky ones and while we had to replace all the flooring and everything in the garage was destroyed all our personal belongings were intact, my neighbors weren't so lucky, most of their homes filled with water so sad and my heart knows what your daughter is feeling but she will get what needs to be done, done

Comment by Mary. Jane on March 4, 2019 at 10:39pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WEfX95orrY

Hey guys...sorry I seem to be monopolizing this board..but I just heard a song that dropped me to my knees...and I found it, and listened to it, and it made me cry...and I thought it was such a powerful song that I wanted to share it.

(I heard it playing on The Good Doctor, so I searched for what lyrics I remembered and finally found it)

Adendum to the Calif floods...we saw some homes in a Senior park we liked in CA in December...the park FLOODED last week. (sigh)

Scratch THAT park off the list. Now I am afraid for myself as well as my family. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on March 4, 2019 at 5:18pm

Thank you all so much. You are all such a comfort to me in every situation. Melinda and hubby (Doug) are taking this a lot better than I would have..working together, cleaning up the mess...bonding with neighbors as they are all in the same boat (so to speak..PUN INTENDED)

The local tiny store set up an area in their parking lot that is such a nice thing..they provided separate areas where flood victims can bring the ruined items that you are not allowed to put in the dumpsters the county provides....they provided places to dispose of ruined electronics, hazards materials, and other things like that, which really took the load off the flood victims. I never realized the population of her “town” is only 400 people.

But here is a humorous bit of irony.as I feel humor can be found in a lot of situations, that don,t involve loss of life...a few days b4 this all happened, Mel was trying to get hubby to finally go thru all his stuff, and toss a lot of it out...clothes he’d had since high school in 1986, boxes and boxes of papers..etc..she was bemoaning the lack,of space..but he just wouldn,t part with anything.

Well..be careful what you wish for...LOL...that,s not a problem anymore. They sounded so happy the last week..cuz they were so grateful to be alive..but now the destruction is sinking in..and they are scared...but in the big scale of things, as long as the people, and the animals re ok...life,like Debrahs daughters experience, life has a way of working out...

Now I just need to get off my a$$ and MOVE back home to CA! 

Comment by deborah peck on March 4, 2019 at 11:59am

Mary Jane, my daughter just went thru the same thing in North Carolina, destroyed there home , they had a farm, had to relocate all the animals before it flooded, now have a new home with 5 acres that they love so tell them it will get better, to have patience

Comment by Diane C on March 4, 2019 at 5:41am

Mary Jane, So sorry to hear about your daughter and her husband. That is devastating to say the least. The pictures show so much pain and heartache. I have never experienced a flood like that, I can't even imagine how you begin to clean it up. You are perfectly fine posting that here. As everyone is saying, we are family and we need to know when we are needed to pick up one of OUR members. Prayers to your daughter and her husband and their kitty.

Comment by Sara Murphy on March 2, 2019 at 9:40pm

Mary Jane....I haven't been on in about a week.  I'm sorry I missed the 3rd anniversary of Bob's passing.  You and I are on a similar timeline as Ken's 3 year anniversary was in January.  It's hard to believe that much time has passed but still feels like yesterday.  You have the added trauma of selling the home you and Bob lived in for so long.  Even though you'll be leaving that structure, you'll be taking the memories with you.  And since Bob can be wherever you are, you're not leaving him behind. 

I'm so sorry to hear about what your daughter is going through.  I'm glad she and her husband are ok.  Every day is a gift from God and situations like that are reminders to be grateful for the people in our lives.  Please don't feel like you can't post about whatever is going on.  We're your friends and here to lend support whatever the situation.  Be sure to keep us updated.

Comment by Steve Cain on March 2, 2019 at 12:12pm

Oh my gosh!

The important thing is that everyone is OK. As we all well know here, things CAN be replaced, people CAN'T.

 

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