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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Discussion Forum

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 16. 4 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on February 1, 2019 at 9:00pm
Comment by Steve G. on February 1, 2019 at 7:48am

So sorry to hear about your mom Diane,

Loosing any family or friends these days is an awful reminder of our own grief.  

My memories about my grandmother always enter my day, especially when I see her photo as I pass by it.  She and my grandfather raised me and my sister.  Our mother passed away when I was 5 months old and my sister was 4 years old.

A lot more to that story, but grandmother was my mom, she was 69 when she passed and I was 24.  So many years ago and it still seems like yesterday.

Hugs to you Diane, take care of yourself and remember that all of us are here for you.

Comment by Mary. Jane on January 31, 2019 at 10:56pm

Oh, Diane, I am so sorry. I am sorry for you, too, Marsha..losing a mother you loved dearly must be so difficult, especially when they have been in a nursing home, and they aren,t who they once were.My mom died in a nursing home, but I wasn,t there..my brother lived minutes from the home, and he was there..but I was two hours away...I had visited a few weeks before, but she had no idea who I was..and I guess you all can tell, we weren’t close at all. It was my brother she loved...and wanted to be near...and when she died, it was a mixture of relief because her memory wan,t there, and regret for what I never had with her. I know that sounds cold and callous, but that is just the way it was. 

Ironically, I have carried an anger for what I wanted so badly my entire life...my mothers love...but a few weeks ago, Melinda and I were sorting through old pictures...and showing her pics of grandma, and saying “look..here’s another one of grandma..wasn,t she pretty? Etc, and I felt my heart start to unfreeze a bit...and I began to,soften...and think maybe it wasn,t all her fault...maybe it was me..I have carried this anger for 70 years...cuz I know she didn,t like me very much, and adored my brother, who is one of the most decent men I have ever met...and I could go on and on...but, Diane and Marsha...you are so blessed to have had a loving mother...which makes the pain of loosing them horrific.

By some miracle, I have a wonderful caring daughter, and we are very close...and I thank God every day for her. I am afraid to die for her sake, as she lost her dad, then her boss who was a father figure to her..and she is terrified I will die too. So am I. This is too many loved ones leaving this world in such a short time. 

Is anyone else her afraid of dying? I am not afraid to die...I just want ten more good years, and don’t want to die violently.

Comment by Marsha H on January 31, 2019 at 8:41pm

My dear friend Diane ...  My deepest condolences on the loss of your precious mother.  I know exactly how you feel.  My own mother passed in 2004 after a long bought of Dementia complicated by diabetes.  It broke my heart that my mother didn't recognize my brother and I.  She was not eating or drinking and as you say they just don't look like our mothers.  I remember her saying to me the night before she passed when I tried to get her to eat something with an insulin pill that she could, but didn't want to and from there she was on her own private journey towards God.  It breaks our hearts, but one thing I did realize after the shock of her passing (she passed away in the early morning hours and we were not contacted before that) is that God has come to take them home where they will be out of pain and happy.  I honestly believe that and also we will see them again. 

Stay strong my friend and if you need to talk just post.  I'll be here tonight.

Love & Blessings

Marsha  

Comment by Diane C on January 31, 2019 at 5:38pm

Sorry to add to your list MaryJane, but I wanted to let everyone know that my beautiful 85 year old mom passed away on Monday afternoon. She had been in a nursing home and was slowly declining. The past week was terrible for her and me. She was in a lot of pain and Hospice was there to help her. Hospice gave us a wonderful nurse (Kathy) who was an angel and she happened to be with my mom when she passed. I was at work and Kathy called me at 1:00 to say she though it would be soon, within the next couple days. I said I would be there at 4:00, right after work. She said she would be there until 4:30. I was glad to be able to chat with Kathy as she had been off for the weekend. I left the office and was used to carrying my cell phone everywhere I went the past couple of weeks, 10 minutes later my phone rang and it was Kathy telling me that my mom had passed. A blessing for my mom,  she had been bedridden and slowly declining for the past several months. I had her funeral arrangements pre-planned, but they needed me to identify her at the funeral home as her body had undergone a huge change. She hadn't eaten in a couple weeks and no water for at least a week. The picture I had given them was from October and they could not be 100% that it was the same person. I completely understood as she did not resemble my mother any more. So that was a very hard thing to do. I do understand why it had to be done, just unfortunate I had to be the one. I just felt like I had to come here and let my friends know that she had passed..... Thanks for allowing me to do that. God Bless You Mom, I Love  YOU!!!

Comment by Mary. Jane on January 29, 2019 at 10:00pm

Ok..I know this is for bereaved partners/spouses...but the last few weeks, I have heard that so many people died...a friend was telling me last night at Bunko... that she knew 4 people that had passed since Christmas, two of them young,and suddenly...and .we were talking about one of our Bunko members, Jan, who was 82, but vital and active... who had been ill a few weeks,..and she died this morning. 

I cannot get it out of my head, as I admired her so much...she was 82, looked about 68...was still working asa hair dresser...and was energetic, and an inspiration to me...but she had been sick..and now she’s gone. 

Also, a young woman I worked with 14 years ago, we were friends, she got throat cancer and passed a week ago. She was only 35 had a hubby and 15 yr old daughter, andnever smoked, then gets cancer. A horrible cancer...she fought for a year. I just cannot wrap my head around HER death, and I am really going to miss Jan..the older woman. I makes me afraid, too. 

I just wanted to vent...thanks

Comment by Mary. Jane on January 23, 2019 at 6:00pm

Hahahahaha..you GO, Beard! That,s a lot nicer than what I wanted to post..but I restrained myself.

Comment by Chicago Beard on January 23, 2019 at 2:29pm

Brianna you are in the wrong group!

Comment by Marsha H on January 22, 2019 at 4:59pm

Jeanette ...  If you go to the top on here and over to the left you'll see 'Main' and click on that.  Then you'll see different groups on there and click on the first one which has a couple on there and the lady has a green top on.  Click on that and you'll come to this comment page.

Comment by Marsha H on January 22, 2019 at 4:56pm

Jeanette ...  I posted on your wall.  

 

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