Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 16. 4 Replies

New Member

Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2, 2018. 5 Replies

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Comment by deborah peck on July 26, 2018 at 12:04pm

so sorry to hear about your surgery Sara, I have had so many surgeries in the past year and so miss my Greg so I know what you are going thru, I had my gallbladder out about 15 years ago, my stomache feels so much better now, just be careful with fried foods, which we cannot process now, even fries have me running to the bathroom. seems like your going thru a lot right now am praying it all has run its course and your family is doing better, your friend Deb

Comment by Mary Nola on July 26, 2018 at 8:40am

yes they say music helps so play that music!!!

because I know they are singing in Heaven

Comment by Sara Murphy on July 26, 2018 at 7:57am

Steve,  I'm so glad you and Chuck enjoyed your night out.  I'm trying to envision you bopping in your chair to the music.  It's nice that you allowed music back into your life.  Mark wouldn't want it any other way.  He and Larry were probably bopping along right beside you and Chuck.

Comment by Mary Nola on July 25, 2018 at 7:34am


Comment by Steve on July 25, 2018 at 7:29am

From Learning in Life;  Finding old music you used to love is like getting back in touch with an old friend.

I love this quote, there was a time after Mark's passing that I banished music from my life.  Mark loved music and we had it everywhere and on all our electronics, and yes we both had the same tastes.

Now when I hear these songs I cannot sit still, I do not get up and dance, but I am sitting there bouncing along (even if only in my mind).  Those songs take me away from whatever mood I happen to be in and makes it better.  Such was the occasion this past Sunday when Chuck and I went with friends to see a live performance of "Pricilla Queen of the Desert".  OMG I could not sit still, the play lasted 3 hours with a 20 minute intermission, time flew by, I laughed out loud for real and enjoyed all the songs I remembered from that time.

Some of the songs I knew Mark was sitting there bouncing along with me with Bella our dog looking at us as if we were truly memories like those, helps with coping...

Sara...I too would be going to work, I hated it when I was sick and alone.  The second day after Mark passed I showed up at work, I told my boss I was going crazy sitting at home.  He made sure that everyone was prepared and everyone at work helped me more than they will ever know.  Keeping busy was my medicine and everyone understood.  My boss did restrict my hours, for my own good and I called out every other day or so due to being exhausted.  So I do understand your need to return to work, if nothing more as a distraction - that was how I viewed it for me.  Sending you hugs and keeping you in my prayers as always...

your brother


Comment by Mary. Jane on July 24, 2018 at 9:17pm

I DIDN,t know that movie was a play..or musical. I loved that movie, but always got it mixed up with To WONG FOO..etc.

Gee, I should watch it on Netflix..cuz it used to be on all the time..but TV really sucks lately. 

Thats Terrance Stamp, right? Omg I feel about 300 years old lol.

thank you for sharing,Chuck..even tho I might have heard any stories before, I always find comfort in the retelling of them.

Comment by Sara Murphy on July 24, 2018 at 9:12pm

Chuck.....You really do have a way of writing.  The rabbit hole is a good analogy but I can't go down it (much as I might like to some days).  When I finally reunite with Ken, I want him to be proud.  He had such a zest for life, I need to honor that as much as possible. 

It's funny how sometimes you don't realize you've made an impression.  I guess I never realized that our unconditional love was coming through on these pages.  I feel the same of all the folks here.  Everyone has such a deep unconditional love and it is clear in everyone's writing.  This is why we all understand each other. 

Much love right back at you.


Comment by Mary. Jane on July 24, 2018 at 9:08pm

SARA?..really? Take some time off...unless you are the type of person who’s work is cathartic...please take care of yourself.

Comment by Sara Murphy on July 24, 2018 at 8:53pm

Mary Jane.....Yes, this was unexpected.  Only now do I realize I hadn't felt quite right but also didn't realize there was a real reason for it.  I do feel better now, only incisional discomfort.  I'm actually going into work tomorrow for 1/2 day.

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on July 24, 2018 at 7:59pm

Dear Mary Jane,

Your time at the movie, and the earlier discovery of the drawing you had made of Bob, really hit me. We really do all go through the same things despite the distances and circumstances that are between us.

Sunday, Steve and I joined two friends to see a stage production of "Pricilla, Queen Of The Desert". Those familiar with the play or movie will understand that this is a comedy but with some very human elements woven into the story. Early on, there is a funeral scene that ends up being a campy production number done to the song "Don't Leave Me This Way", in which the grieving widow/husband attempts to keep the attention focused on her in black mourning garb, and the audience roared. I laughed politely a few times, but inside I was a million miles away - you know where I was.

Later in the play, there was a touching rendition of Cindy Lauper's "True Colors", and that is when I almost had to get up and leave. Only some very precarious stairs down to the lobby and a narrow dark passage prevented me.

I will never hear that song without thinking of Larry, and how much he loved that song. I wonder if I will ever get used to this vulnerability to outside stimuli bringing on such sudden feelings of pining for a man...a time...a place that exist now only in my memory - and my heart.

Be well, my friend -

Love, Chuck


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