Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 16. 4 Replies

New Member

Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2, 2018. 5 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on July 24, 2018 at 4:43pm

Thank you, Deb

Sara..omg...was this an unexpected gall bladder surgery? On top of everything else? I am so sorry. In 2003 I had an unexpected emergency gall bladder surgery...and although they jerked me around for 2-3 days as they DIDN,t have anyone to do a sonogram, and they weren’t sure it was my gall bladder, by the time they finally decided to operate..I almost died. Spent 5 days in the hospital with what is usually an elective in and out surgery...makes one afraid of.the competentsie of some Doctors. .BOb was scared so badly, as his favorite artist, Andy Warhol, nearly died from gall bladder surgery...

i hope you are feeling better soon...take it really easy..don,t lift anything and REST!!  You have had enough to deal with in a very short time, and you deserve a huge break..

On a good note..if you have had ongoing stomach pain or problems..(I had for YEARS b4 my surgery) you will feel like a new person, and the healing time is pretty fast..and there is no scaring of your abdomen! 

Comment by Sara Murphy on July 24, 2018 at 1:27pm

Hi friends, I'm sorry I haven't been able to check in.  We laid my father to rest Saturday morning and Saturday night I was in the ER and had my gallbladder removed.  I just got home. heart always  broke for you having to go home alone in such serious condition immediately after losing Larry.  I don't know how you did it.  I'm glad you never gave up.  I had plenty of visitors but there was only 1 person I wanted, although I know he was there.  

I'll catch up on my reading soon but I hope you've all been well.

Comment by deborah peck on July 24, 2018 at 10:07am

I am so sorry Mary Jane that you are having a rough time, I hope today is better for you, its crazy how something as simple as a movie or a song can stir up all the bad memories again,you are not alone in feeling these things, they are a bad part of grieving that stays forever. I wanted to see this movie but think I will watch when its on cable   your friend 

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 23, 2018 at 8:43am

A WARNING to anyone who is planning to go see the new MAMA MIA movie. My niece and I went yesterday..and there is a scene at the end of the movie you might not want to watch. 

SPOILER ALERT..this scene takes place as the characters climb the steep hill, to enter the tiny church on top of the hill...for a happy occasion..but the way it was filmed and the ABBA song they sang hit me like a brick in the head...the movie starts out with the fact that Merril Streep has died over a year ago..and she is only in the movie at the her spirit sings a song with her daughter and to me, it was unwatchable. I managed not to cry...but all I wanted to do was something had happened EARLIER in the day which tossed me into is what happened:

I have mentioned thatnBob was ALWAYS afraid of cancer...and he didn,t eat MEAT, as he feared it might be a cause of cancer..ok, stay with me here...

in 1982, there were 10 family members who drove up to a cabin in the high Sierras one of them owned, for a long weekend. I used to draw a lot, and on this particular weekend, I drew a characatures of each person...and they were REALLY REALLY good. This was the one and only time I had drawn this well...the cartoons REALLY looked like the people.but in all this time, I have NEVER been able to replicate that talent. It was like another artist was channeling through me for a few hours.

Time passed, and I had lent these drawings to my SIL, to copy, and hadn,t seen them in YEARS. I thought I had my own copies, but never found them, as we have gone through all of our stuff, so the only copies have been at my SIL s house for decades...yesterday my niece returned I looked at each one, I was amazed at how good they were..I had never before, or since, been that good..and as I looked at each drawing, I was delighted at my long lost artwork..until I came across the one of Bob..I had drawn him reading a newspaper with a surprised expression on his face..and the HEADLINES of the paper read: PORK PROVEN TO CURE CANCER. 

We used to tease him about his fear, never dreaming he was correct..he DID die from Cancer. When I looked at that drawing I felt so guilty, and like someone had hit me with a board on the side of the head. I haven’t been able to look at the drawings again..

yesterday was a really crummy day.

Comment by Marsha H on July 21, 2018 at 4:27am

Dear Deborah ...  Your grandson is a handsome young man and looking so proud taking on the name of 'Gregory' and what a lovely sentiment that is.  A person never really passes away and your grandson will carry the torch for his grandfather.



Comment by deborah peck on July 20, 2018 at 10:20pm

Today was a big day for my family, my grandson who is 14  father hasn't seen him since he was 6 months old which is a blessing, my Greg was his father figure, well his mom and him ahd told Greg that they were changing his middle name to Gregory and today it finally happened, meet Austin Gregory Brown

Comment by deborah peck on July 19, 2018 at 12:06pm

Thinking of you and your family Sarah, hope you are all doing okay

Comment by deborah peck on July 16, 2018 at 12:10am

The funeral home actually asked me if I wanted a lock of Gregs hair so my girls and I each got one, I love the idea of putting his hair in a necklace, I just finished ordering one to go on the chain I wear with his fingerprint, the funral home gave me a set of his fingerprints so I had his ring finger print put onto a necklace for me and got my girls each different ones with different finger prints                                                           I pray your mom and you find peace Sara

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 15, 2018 at 11:39pm

Sara...that was an excellent idea about your dads hair. I did the same thing before Bob died..the idea just popped into my I asked the nurse for a pair of scissors, (he was in the hospital at the time) and clipped some, and put it away when I got home...after he passed, I bought some tiny silver PRAYER BOXES. you wear them, either with ashes or a lock of hair inside, on a chain around your neck. I wear mine all the time...if you decide to look,at them..EBay has a very nice selection, and much more reasonable than the funeral homes price them. And it is nice he is always with me, as I still haven't opened the box with Bobs ashes. The lock of hair seems to work better in these tiny boxes. (they also come in gold)  

Maybe your mom would like something like that..

i know you are carrying so much weight and my heart is with you.

i wish you all the must be so hard for you. 

Comment by Sara Murphy on July 15, 2018 at 9:31pm

I want to thank you all again for your support and kind words.  We were at the funeral home for several hours on Friday making arrangements and then my mother changed her mind on Saturday (glad she did).  Her initial gut reaction was to have my father cremated so she could have him at home with her but that isn't what he wanted.   On Saturday she decided to bury him but in a cemetery closer to her home than the cemetery he had wanted.  I think he'll be okay with that as he would want her to be happy.  My brother clipped some of my father's hair before we left the hospital so she'll have that at home with her and that seemed to calm her a bit.

I did go out Saturday night.  A friend was having a cook-out so  I went there for a few hours.  It was nice to have some down time


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