Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum


Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

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Comment by Steve G. on January 10, 2020 at 8:22am

Most of us who have or have had that one special pet that teaches us patience and unconditional love are the most precious gift one can receive.  I saw a post recently on FB that showed a picture of a cat and a dog with the caption below "Let's send them to earth as angles without wings".

It struck a cord within me and who knows, maybe they really are.

Chuck and I found a movie from 2017 titled "A Dog's Purpose".  I highly recommend this film to everyone, it will make you laugh, cry and leave you with a very feel good ending.

Hugs to all


P.S. I am being good and healing is slow, my patience suffers as to the limitations I have, however, say the Dr yesterday, everything looks good, my appetite has returned and my Charlie is taking very good care of me.  5 more weeks of healing then back to the DR.

Comment by Marsha H on January 10, 2020 at 3:35am

Steve G ...  When I read again the story of Belle I cried all over again.  It is so sad.  My 16 year old Tootsie was more Ernie's dog than mine and yet she was there to comfort me once he passed, but often I would find her looking out the window as if she expected him.  I feel animals can sense when our loved ones are near.  I was so proud of her for sticking throughout my grief and now it was her time to go.  I did get her into the vets as she was in pain and immediately he gave her a shot to make her drowsy and I had as much time as I needed to be with her.  It must have been 40 minutes as I cuddled her in my arms and told her how much I loved her and thanked her for being there for me, but now she was free to go see her 'poppy.'  I know Ernie would be waiting for her.

Thank you again Steve for repeating that story.



Comment by Marsha H on January 10, 2020 at 3:31am

Sara ... I am so happy you got some peace from  my poem.  As I said to Diane C, wrote that long before Ernie passed away and it's as if the words were from a higher power and I had to write it down.  I believe with all my heart our spouses are with us and each step forward we make I am sure they are smiling at us.  You will do just fine at work.  What I have taught myself is the fact there is always an exit and by that I mean if you should get teary-eyed you can always go to the washroom and calm yourself, but trust us when we say it will get easier for you.



Comment by Marsha H on January 10, 2020 at 3:28am

Diane C ...  Always wonderful to see you post and both of us have had the loss for 9 years.  Thank you so much for the lovely compliment regarding my poem.  I have no idea why I wrote it as it was long before Ernie passed away, but I was just sitting one evening and it came to me as if the words were meant to be written down from a high power.  Strange how wonderful things can happen to us when we least expect it.  I am so proud of you for getting on with your life and I know just how tough it can be, but each year does get a little better.  I hope I don't turn into a cranky old lady.  LOL 



Comment by Mary. Jane on January 9, 2020 at 6:40pm

Thank you so much, Steve. I am sorry if it brought back sad memories, but THAT story, more than anything I have ever read or heard about a life “after” broke down any doubts  I ever had about seeing our loved ones, and even pets as we cross over. To me, Her JOY in seeing Mark, who was WAITING for her...and the fact that YOU were privileged to witness something that we here on earth, rarely see, is a true blessing. 

People can ramble on and on about what they THINK or FEEL about what happens after...and religions  try to indoctrinate us, by ideas sanctioned without proof...but animals  cannot lie, or make things their actions....she  just expressed  love and JOY at the moment she entered her new life, at finding someone she loves waiting for her. I think that was a gift from God, for YOU...a glimpse into knowing Mark was happy, and and Bella would be too...thank you so much for sharing that gift with us again. 

Comment by Steve G. on January 9, 2020 at 4:53pm

Mary Jane,

I posted that story last May in response to a post who  had lost their dog below is a portion of that post:

" I know your loss all to well, reading your post brought all my memories of that one evening when I lost my Bella. It was late in the evening when I noticed that she had not eaten or taken water during the day while I was at work. When I got home she got up and wanted to go out, so we did, but she turned around and headed back for the apartment. She laid down looking up at me and wagging her tale. I went for treats and she ate one and left the other one. It was later on that evening while watching TV she tried to get up and could not. I thought about calling for help to get her into the car and as I was passing that thought through my head, I noticed that she was starring out the glass doors to our little walled in patio wagging her tail all the while. She suddenly sat up using her front legs and started winning wagging her tail faster, looking out at the dark patio and then back at me. I knew at that moment she was waiting on me to do or say something. I opened the doors and she just tilted her head at me and laid back down. I went over to her and sat down, she put her big paw in my hand and looked at me. So, I laid down beside her on the floor petting her head and telling her it was ok, she could leave me now and join Mark. I fell asleep on the floor only to wake up and discover that she had passed on, she and Mark were together again."



Comment by Sara Murphy on January 9, 2020 at 12:01pm
Thanks Diane. I just saw your comment. What I love about this site is the understanding everyone has. The first couple years I would go through all the sympathy cards and notes I received but like you, I don't want to keep putting myself through that. I know my friends/family wouldn't understand the way my Legacy family does. They don't realize it's a big step to work Monday and have it be like any other Monday. Knowing that you felt the same is helpful.
Comment by Sara Murphy on January 9, 2020 at 11:51am
Thanks everyone. The guilt of living is not as overwhelming as it once was but there are still days or events that get to me. For instance, I'm going away for a girls weekend next weekend and don't feel guilty about that at all but working Monday doesn't exactly feel right. I think Ken weighed in however because a meeting that was scheduled for today was re-scheduled to Monday. I like to think that's his way of saying it's ok.

Chuck...I totally believe your unseen angels were with you with their calming presence during Steve's surgery and probably many other times. I also fully believe that Larry and Mark worked their magic from beyond to lead you and Steve to each other. There's gonna be a party in heaven once the 4 of you are together (hopefully not for quite a while). I'll think of you when I feel that tickle in my palm on Monday.

Marsha...I love that poem. I may have to print it and add it to my collection of poems that I'll read from time to time for added strength.

Mary Jane...I feel lucky that I can feel Ken around me, some days stronger than others. If I didn't know he was here with me or that we'd be together again, then I'm not sure if I would have made it this far. What helps me a lot is to think of roles being reversed, if I were gone and he were here, I would definitely want him to live. He loved life so I wouldn't be honoring his memory if I didn't live mine. That's the thought I'll keep in mind on Monday.

Todd....I remember we joined at around the same time. I'll be thinking of you as your anniversary approaches. I hope you're doing well.

Love you all
Comment by Diane C on January 9, 2020 at 11:31am
Beautiful poem Marsha. Certainly from the heart. Thank you for sharing it with us!!

Love you!
Comment by Diane C on January 9, 2020 at 11:30am
Hi Sara,
That is a hard decision to make. It will be 9 years for me in Aug. that Rich passed away. Marsha and I are in the same time frame. I also took off Rich's anniversary dates and his birthday. On these dates, I would reread the journal I kept during the year of his illness from the very beginning of our journey to the very end. After a couple years, I had to put the journal to rest. It was terribly painful to keep putting myself through that. Then a couple years ago I decided not to take the days off work anymore. It went ok, I survived it just fine. As others have said, Ken will always be with you. And he completely understands that you need to move on and live, we can not function if we stand still and stay frozen in time. Good luck to you and just take it one step at a time.

Hugs to you,

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