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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

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Comment by Steve G. on July 25, 2021 at 12:49pm

Marsha,

I cannot imagine living in a place that has -45 F weather, but, then it is what each of us becomes acclimated to.  When I was younger I had no problem living in humid Florida summers, where  98 degrees felt like 110.  We played in the sun no shirt or shoes and survived the nights by sleeping with a window fan pulling in air.  

Once long ago me and two of my friends went on a trip to the Grand Canyon and traveled thru the deserts of Nevada and Arizona in a car without air conditioning and we were surprised how different it felt.  We actually felt cooler because there was literally no moisture in the air.  We even put canteens on the front bumper of the car which kept it cool to drink.  Sweating was non existent also.

Like you I am glad that 2020 is behind us, in Jan I had surgery, then in the middle of 2020 I had complications from that surgery that required 3 more surgeries with the last one just before Christmas.  Final recovery arrived this past March.

I am now fully recovered and healthy, did loose about 30 lbs and "forced" myself to buy new pants and shirts via Amazon.

The good news is I am 2 pants size smaller and have been able to maintain this new me.  I feel better and have more energy, plus my doctor is happy that I lost a few lbs.

So, we all go through so much along our pathway in this life and not all of it is good and not all of it is bad.  If I have learned anything, growing older is a good thing; some folks do not get that chance.  Our grief is the one thing that has bound us all together and without all of you, I honestly do not know how any of us could be where we are today.

Thank you one and all for your posts and insights on this web site.  You are all my angels

Love and hugs

Steve

Comment by Steve G. on July 25, 2021 at 8:24am

Good to hear from you Mary Jane!

As we all continue to recover and re-group, the one thing I have to remind myself is that this life is temporary and the world we now live in has changed.  It is no longer the safe haven we grew up thinking it was, it is so different and can be scary depending on where you live now.

As we go about our daily lives though, me and Chuck are amazed at how a little smile here and there tends to melt away some of those fears.  People we do not know respond in kind and gives us hope in some of the dreary present days.  

On a cheerier note, it is awesome to hear from our Legacy family and to know that each of you are ok and doing the best you can.  

I am staying busy with projects out in the yard and doing some extensive clean out and get rid of stuff...

Our plans are to get ourselves ready to sell and move back to New England area of the US.  Most of my family is gone so no ties to the south plus we do have friends there and here as well.  Would like to have a smaller no frills home and then just settle back into old age enjoying our different hobbies, enjoying the cold weather, hibernating if we so choose...lol.

Take care one and all, hope to see more posts, 

Love and hugs

Steve

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 25, 2021 at 12:46am

Wow,,it is wonderful to see y’all posting! I have come here many times, to see no one was here..for a very long time.iIt has been 2 years, since I moved back to the SF Bay Area..and, yes, Bob is finally here. He wasn’t until recently.That is comforting to me.

I too, have checked this site on occasion, and no one had posted anything. It was kind of sad...but I am sure the SHOCK of Covid changed all of us. The most difficult thing for me to,wrap my head around, was IT IS EVERYWHERE! All countries..I often thank the universe that Bob DIDN’T live to see this..he would have been TERRIFIED.

About the FIRES on the West Coat..yes, I am possibly in danger...they scare me more than ANYTHING! In 2019, we were evacuated for 10 days. I live about an hour north of San Fransisco...and NOW they are popping up in areas of California.most of them have been about an hour away from where I live..I keep a small suitcase ready, and my important papers all in one area in case we have very little notice..like last time, and a GO BAG ready for Rudy, my cat.. THIS scares me more than COVID.  

Yet, on July 4 there were SO MANY STUPID PEOPLE who set off fireworks! I do NOT understand how people can be so non caring. 

Lastly, I cannot comprehend all the VIOLENCE that has escalated since Covid hit!!! It is almost as if people figure they are going to die anyway,.so why not do all the terrible things that come to mind? Mass shootings, racial Asian attacks (very frequent in San Fransisco) elder abuse for no reason..it is like people have all embraced their DARK SIDE..cuz they have NO HOPE.

I wish you all the best..and an end to this nightmare.

Comment by Marsha H on July 24, 2021 at 4:15pm

Deborah ...  I was married before too and it wasn't a good marriage so I don't have much to worry about there.  Ernie was the light of my life and I keep hoping one day all of us will meet again.  No, the hurt doesn't go away especially when they passed away so young.  I know it must be difficult for you, but you were blessed to have 2 great spouses in your life, but I do understand you have 2 griefs as well and that can be difficult.  

Today is very hot; too hot to even garden.  Grass is now brown and we never use ot have that before.  Keeping busy and some laughter is the best medicine.

Stay safe my friend and have a great day.

Love and hugs to you.

Marsha 

Comment by Marsha H on July 24, 2021 at 4:10pm

Steve ...  great to hear from you.  It seems the weather all  over the world is crazy.  I shudder to think what our winter will be like.  Your last winter sounded terrible.  I use to live up north during the 60s and it would get to -45 and I worked up at the dam site in the office.  The winters up there were dryer unlike the coast where I live so it didn't feel as cold.  

Hope you and Chuck are doing well and I miss the posts from both of you.

Wishing the Legacy family prayers and good health.  Miss you all.  

Love to all of you and stay safe.  

Marsha

Comment by deborah peck on July 24, 2021 at 11:04am

I hope all our friends and family are safe on the West coast with all the fires raging there. It is supposed to be 105 here today so going to be a craftroom day for me.

Comment by deborah peck on July 21, 2021 at 10:50am

So nice to see everyones post on here, glad everyone is well, Marsha I am so sry you dont have the help you need, I am truly blessed.. Yes 10 years is a long time but its not at the same time, the hurt doesnt go away,my 1st husband has been gone for 33 years now, and it doesnt seem possible that my girls are now older then he was when he passed and yes I think of him often and wonder how it will work when we meet up again someday since both of my husbands have passed. so glad you are doing good Steve, and yes this weather is crazy all around and am praying everyone stays safe thru it all. will be praying for all of you and love seeing your post, I will start posting more often as I think everyone just doesnt know what to say anymore. love to you all and stay well

Comment by Steve G. on July 19, 2021 at 6:56pm

Marsha,

Glad to hear you are out of the heat wave, we had an artic winter this past February.  We had snow, ice, thunder snow, and temps as low as 1 degree f.  This lasted two weeks, and we were some of the lucky ones that did not lose power.  Crazy weather all around.

Good to hear from you, hoping all of our legacy family is ok.

Hugs to all

Steve

Comment by Marsha H on July 19, 2021 at 6:11pm

Deborah ...

Wonderful to hear from you and I had left a post to see how everyone was doing quite sometime ago, but no bites.  I just assumed and prayed everyone was OK.  I am so happy your brother moved in and is able to help you.  I am strictly alone with little help.  My neighbor use to help me more, but is not well at the present time so I do what I can do.  

I understand how much you miss Greg and it just never seems to ease up where pain is concerned.  Ernie passed away 10 years ago on April 27th and even to this day without warning every once in awhile I have a good cry or look out at the driveway hoping he'll be walking up from his truck.  It's not weird to feel that way at all and just wishful thinking.

My condolences of the passing of your sister.  I know it has to be very difficult for you and often one doesn't know who they are grieving for when there are more than one person passing that you love.  The hairdresser I got to is going through what you are.  Her sister passed in June and they were very close.  Unfortunately, her sister had pancreatic cancer like Ernie did.  We have talked extensively about it as my hairdresser is very upset and of course going through grief is all new to some people.  

I find it difficult as far as loneliness mainly because of Covid.  Some are very cautious while some aren't.  Difficult to know who will come visit even sitting outside for a BBQ.  Things just aren't the same.  I do see my immediate family every so often, but we are not that close.  They have been loners for years.  My sister-in-law does come to visit me every 2nd Saturday or, I go visit them.  I do visit another girlfriend who has had some great losses in her family.  We've been friends for almost 50 years.  

We had that horrible heat wave and thankfully I have A/C.  So many people passed away from the heat wave (especially the elderly.)  Couldn't even take the dogs for a walk or garden.  

I am doing well considering.  Going through closets, drawers and oh my!  LOL  Such junk and I either give some to charity or throw some out.  Good to get thing tidied up, but a long ways to go.  

Thank you so much for keeping in touch and I think of all of you and pray all of you are kept safe and are happy.

Big hugs 

Marsha

xx

Comment by Steve G. on July 19, 2021 at 1:29pm

Debora,

Good to hear from you!  It has been a while for us all on this site.  Nice that your brother was able to move in with you.  Being alone is the second hardest thing one has to endure, we all are social beings and we depend on our friends and family for support.

It is hard for me to realize that this coming November 30th will be 6 years since Mark's passing.   4 year or 6 years, no mater, the pain and grief is ever present.  Saw a movie this weekend on cable " Monster Calling".  It me on several levels, still a very poyant and sweet movie about a 12 year old boy dealing with his mother's terminal cancer.

Glad you reached out today, me and Chuck are both ok, healthy, staying busy at home.  

Take care, stay well and stay safe.

Hugs and more hugs,

Steve

 

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