Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1376
Latest Conversations: Jul 17

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on June 1, 2019 at 10:21pm

Ok,I am sorry,.but I have to say a few words about the cancer “industry”. I will keep it light, but I have decided if I were to ever get cancer, I will have palitive  care only. Bob had 4 months from diagnosis to death...but every day was spent in some fruitless effort to “stop” something that wasn,t going to stop. The first 2 months before it progressed we could have spent time enjoying life, not schleping into a cancer center every day getting false hopes and treatments that never worked. There was a bell at the center that was supposedly rung every time someone was “cured” which I never heard ring. I don,t have a filter on my words, and one day, disgusted at any sign of ANY progress, after so many things tried, or light at the end of the tunnel, I actually said to one of Bobs Drs “you don,t want a cure for cancer! It is a 3 billion $ a year business.” To my SHOCK, the Drs actually got red in the face, and shouted back “Yes we do!” Like little kids in a playground. If I was to be diagnosed with this disease, I would go on a wonderful vacation, with people I love, before it gets least I would have great memories, and know I chose to die on MY terms.

I truly believe that some day people will discover  Cancer is man made, and given to people. Something in our food, or soil, or something is very wrong...when I was a kid, in the 50’s and 60’s  it was VERY rare to know someone who had cancer. What changed? Now they even have GREETING CARDS for cancer! 

I am almost 73, and have maybe 10 good years left...and I think that something  is very very wrong with this world...and we are helpless to stop it. Ok I will get off the soapbox now. Thanks for letting me vent. I wish all of you who had to endure months of false hope some comfort...

yes, I have more to say..on a different subject..about how I feel that even tho our loved ones are gone, I feel they are still here with us...and that belief helps me get through the day...because I KNOW Bob is still here with me...I can feel him all through my day..and I embrace that feeling, and it comforts me...but that is for another day...I have taken up too much posting space.  

I wish all of you a gentle Sunday tomorrow..and remember, LOVE NEVER can,t because love is the essence of the human existence. Goodnight,my friends.

Comment by Mary. Jane on June 1, 2019 at 9:50pm is always nice to hear from you..and anniversary’s are some of  the hardest days to get through. Just when you think you are getting through the pain, a date on the calendar stops you in your tracks, and you remember the heart breaking loss, and your heart breaks all over again. Bob died of cancer, too, Chicago..and I keep mulling it over what a waste of time the first few months were, when he wasn,t that sick...time that could have been spent anywhere other than the cancer center...but if I start ranting about cancer, and my opinion of that medical field, I will never stop. 

i thank God/and the universe, every time I come here..for all of everyone’s  support and caring and understanding...especially from those  people who think we should be “over it”  by now. There is no “over it”..there is just “getting through it”. And, somehow we by day,minute by minute. 

For those here who are new to this pain and loss...the better moments DO come...time is both your friend, and your enemy. 

I wish you all peace and good moments. They will come..I promise.

Comment by Marsha H on June 1, 2019 at 8:47pm

Chicago Beard ...  So good to hear from you.  I know exactly how you feel because I can go through that too when I see something that reminds me of Ernie.

Please try to remember the great memories you had and that one day you'll be joined together again.



Comment by Mary. Jane on June 1, 2019 at 8:47pm

Debbie R. I am so sorry. I cannot imagine how horrible that was and will always be, instantly loosing Tommy like that. God bless you, and give you better days...a year is a very short time, and I wish I had words that could give some comfort to you, but I don,t think there are any. 

Comment by Debbie R on June 1, 2019 at 4:37pm

Just wanted you all to know that I found a wonderful book yesterday called Living When a Loved One Dies by Earl Grollman.  I can't begin to tell you how much his words have helped me in the last 2 days.  Truly  inspirational and no=nonsense approach to help us handle our losses.  May not be for everyone but certainly spoke to me at the one-year mark.


Comment by Debbie R on June 1, 2019 at 4:29pm

a year ago tonight, at this very moment, I called my  tommy.  he didn't answer. 

I found him, gone forever.

that said, to all of you suffering through floods, tornadoes and devastation in your hometowns, know that while I grieve the loss of my best friend I keep you all in my prayers as you deal with the aftermath of nature's devastation.  I can't even imagine what you've all been through and Deb P, I pray you're in CA safe and sound.

Hugs to all, no matter what you're dealing with. 

Love, deb  xoxo

Comment by Frances C Younger on June 1, 2019 at 12:07pm

Chicago B - Enjoy the wonderful memories on your 39th.  I am going to read some of your post.  I did look at the picture.  Are you a musician

Comment by Chicago Beard on June 1, 2019 at 9:49am

Hi everyone. I know I rarely comment anymore but this group continues to be very important to me as it was the main thing that helped me deal with my grief. Today would have been our 39th wedding anniversary and I miss her dearly. The other day I saw a program where one of the characters had a chemotherapy treatment which reminded me of what my Rose went through. Of course I started crying. Ever since she died anything emotional I see will bring tears to my eyes. I read all your posts even if I do not comment.

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 31, 2019 at 11:26am
Mary Jane.....Yes, I receive signs from Ken. Sometimes it's a coin in a place where it shouldn't be like underneath my face powder which is in a drawer where there is no change. Other times it's a phone call I receive from someone after I complain to Ken about how disappointed I am in all the people who seemed to forget I exist after he passed away. I know he hears me and makes sure someone reaches out. There are so many more that I won't bore you with but it's what keeps me going. If I didn't know he was with me and watching over me, I don't think I could do this.
Comment by Marsha H on May 31, 2019 at 5:22am

Frances C ...  Welcome to Legacy and you've come to a wonderful place with people who are going through or have been through what you are going through.  We are all loving and caring; no judgments are ever made regarding posts and if it makes you feel better just read the posts and get the hang of it and when you're comfortable just say what is in your heart and how you are feeling.  We're all  here to support you.  Eventually one day you will feel like you can post so don't feel rushed.

I have made some wonderful friends here and although I live in Canada and most are in the U.S. I feel at times that I have known them forever and when one is down the others group together to pick them up and give them strength.

A big hug because you need it.



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