Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by janeo on April 30, 2019 at 9:35pm

Marsha, I have a friend that I work with who went  home from work and found her husband dead (I hate using that word) I told her about this site and you cause  know you'll look out for her. She has 1 kid in high school and little ones and just took custody of her grandchildren before he died. I've been helping her as well. Just wanted you to know before hand. She's going to my name janeo. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I told her you were an angel in human form. Sending lots of hugs your way.

Comment by Mary. Jane on April 29, 2019 at 3:19pm

Go for it Deb...that is a very good,positive idea...make it as festive as possible.instead of mourning his death, celabrate the life he lived..with videos, photos, and memorances of “the time when he..” ....just because he is no longer in a world where you can,t see him...doesn,t mean he didn,t exist!  Talk about the wonderful times u had when he was alive, little antidotes, etc.Get a cake..maybe HIS favorite...don,t pretend he never existed just because he isn,t there...I think celebrating the life he lived is a very good idea, and laughter is better than tears. 

Comment by Marsha H on April 29, 2019 at 5:58am

Deborah ....  I think that's a wonderful idea.  Because we keep them so close to our hearts just acknowledging his birthday is just fine.  I have a feeling he'll be there!  I would certainly do it without hesitation.  Good memories, some laughs and a drink to your beloved Greg.  It would make him happy.



Comment by deborah peck on April 27, 2019 at 12:11pm

Thursday will be my Gregs birthday, we have decided (my girls and I) to have dinner together that evening to acknowledge his bday even if he isn't here. He would be 64. thoughts????

Comment by Sara Murphy on April 26, 2019 at 11:34am
Chuck...I'm just now reading your beautiful post. I have missed your writing. You have such a way with words that I can see and feel the scene you've set with you, Larry and your friends but at the same time, relate some piece of it to my own story with Ken. I would give anything for one more road trip with him or to hear once again "I love you with every cell of my being". Oh, how I miss that one.
Be well my friend and a hello to Steve
Comment by deborah peck on April 20, 2019 at 9:42am

Dear Diana, I was on antidepressants up until recently but weaned myself off because I don't like taking meds but after I was off of them I now remember all my dreams, Think the meds was making me sleep too heavy.

   Mary Jane, I do remember your post about leaving your body, I too have had that experience, I don't remember what it was about but I do remember panicking when it started to happen and grabbing my mattress to keep me in bed, sounds crazy, it was after that I went on meds, it freaked me out, so not sure if it was a dream or not but my little grandson was sleeping with me and I kept looking at him to make sure I was alive, very scary

Comment by Mary. Jane on April 19, 2019 at 3:00pm

I haven,t been here a lot lately...upheaval in my usually sedate life..but DEBBIE....YES, I have had similar dreams. In mine, he is with me in the beginning of the dream, then either I leave, or HE leaves the place we are together, mostly I leave...and I can NEVER EVER find him matter how hard and desperately I try...the room has disappeared,or the street isn,t the same...(OMG, I JUST STARTED CRYING AS I TYPE THIS..)

The dreams are all the same...the locations and situations differ, but the DESPARATION of not being with him anymore, unable to reach him when he WAS JUST THERE A MINUTE horrible and heart breaking. 

I haven,t dreamt that in awhile...and lately, he is occasionaly in my dreams..but just THERE...we don,t have any interaction...he is just one of a small or large group...those dreams are better.

I don,t know if you were here on this board when I had my experience of being TRANSPORTED to the front room, while taking a nap..and the door opened and he walked in and hugged me. But it wasn,t really a dream,cuz I KNEW I was really lying on my bed, I could feel the blankets,yet I was standing in the living room and he walked in. It is hard to explain,but I know it was a visit. It only happened once...I KNOW he came to say goodbye. 

Comment by Diane C on April 19, 2019 at 11:23am
Hi Debbie,
You know we GETIT, and we are always here to talk to anyone who needs us. You have a tough month coming up for sure. I am sorry to say I don't ever have dreams of my husband. That is one thing that really bothers me. I guess I should be thankful that I don't have the dreams that you are having. Not sure how I would handle that. I do take sleeping pills at night, so that may be why I don't dream or at least I don't remember them. I am so glad you have your grandson to help keep you focused. I am sure he is a special little man. It is a shame the way those who have not walked in our shoes respond to things we say. Makes you not want to say anything, but we have to. We can not keep all that inside of us. Unfortunately my circle of friends is growing with widows. Which is very helpful for us, but very sad in other ways. But those that have not been inducted into the widow/widower circle have NO CLUE. Know that someone is always reading your messages and will talk you through it. Take care and Happy Easter to you and your family!
Comment by deborah peck on April 18, 2019 at 4:38pm

The closer I get to May the more I panic, the 2nd is Gregs birthday and the 12th is his d day. It seems to be even harder this year, I keep having different dreams about me trying to find him, always makes for a bad day when I awaken from them. Does anyone else experience dreams like this. As I start to prepare for the Easter holiday my focus is on my youngest grandson who is 5, that way I can keep busy on anything but the fact that Greg isn't here yet again. I have gotten to the point where I don't talk about my feelings anymore, I told my sister about my dreams and she says, Still?  no one can possibly understand what we all go thru unless they too have gone thru this. well enough of my depressing rampage, its time to prepare dinner for my two grandsons. love to all and Happy Easter

Comment by deborah peck on April 18, 2019 at 4:29pm

Dear Chuck, I love to read your writings, always puts things into perspective to me


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