Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on December 25, 2018 at 2:51pm

Merry Christmas everyone. Had a horrible, terrifying Christmas Eve, but all turned out fine. Except my emotions from last night left me exhausted and immobile today. So I DIDN,t go to dinner with my niece and her family...don,t was nothing to anyone else, but it was almost my second worse fear almost coming true...I spent 40 minutes walking up and down my street searching for my indoor only kitty, who I was sure had gotten out the wide open front door. He was supposed to b in the garage...but he didn,t come, when called, I couldn,t find him anywhere, and the front door and the screen had been WIDE open for a neighbor to come pick up 3 bikes for her kids she was hiding in my house...I searched every house porch, bushes...calling his name...I finally gave up, went inside to post on lost pet site, but I called my neighbor..she came right over, went into the garage where I knew he should have been...and when she called his name, he crawled down from the top of the top garage door...he is white, and so is the wall, so I never saw him, and the little sh*t never came when I called him.

sorry to dump all this I wasn,t going to..but the words just poured out when I started writing. The day before yesterday, I had to take him to an Emergency vet for an anal gland my relief of finding him was an emotional breakdown, which is still with me. 

FEAR EATS THE SOUL...Bob had that printed out and stuck it to the refrigerator..and it is so true. I cannot be this person any more.  i need strength and clarity and the will to get moving, but I cannot seem to find it. 

Comment by Marsha H on December 25, 2018 at 6:01am

Dearest Trina ...

I am so happy that this lovely song along with the scenery up-lifted your spirits and brought back wonderful memories of you, Joseph and friends.  I know it's bittersweet, but we so lucky to have had those memories.  Ernie and I would have a pre-Christmas buffet with all our friends and we so enjoyed it and apparently so did they.  Tonight was Christmas Eve and it was just the dogs and myself, but they get their goodies from Santa too.  LOL  Still, how I missed Ernie and that would have been the greatest gift of all having him here, but, we move on and carve out another lifestyle for ourselves and soon the few tears dried up and I got on with it.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas surrounded by those that love you.  I'd give you a huge hug if I was there!

Much love


Comment by Trina Mamoon on December 25, 2018 at 5:10am

Dear Marsha,

Merry Christmas to you!

Thank you for sharing this beautiful rendition of "Silent Night" with the even more beautiful video that accompanies it. 

Winter Solstice, or December 21st, is our anniversary and it was another tough day to go through. Joseph and I would always host a holiday party in mid December which was in part to celebrate our anniversary as well as an all faith holiday celebration. And he and other friends would sing Christmas carols. It was so much fun and so uplifting! So thank you again for thinking of us here and for posting this video to cheer us up. It cheered me up as it brought back all the good memories from that long lost past life.

Wishing all of you here celebrating a very Merry Christmas! May it be a peaceful time for us, and let us be able to get through the holidays without too much of a heartache. 

Comment by Marsha H on December 25, 2018 at 4:26am

My dear friends ...

I thought this was so beautiful I wanted to share.  If you are not of this faith the scenery is so beautiful and it brings to mind that creatures great and small didn't just happen on earth; each one so unique, so my dear angels remember, one day you will know love and peace once again.  

Merry Christmas & the very best in 2019.



Comment by Marsha H on December 24, 2018 at 4:02pm

Dear Diane ...

I am so sorry to hear about your mom and uncle.  It isn't easy.  I agree with Mary that my biggest fear is ending up  in a nursing home as well.  I've told my brother if this thought ever enters his head I'll meet him at the door with a shot gun and rock salt!  LOL  I mean it, I live in my home, I'll die in my home!  It seems this year has not been kind to many of us and I actually found this year weird along with weird weather.  Since Ernie passed away the first year was the hardest and then I began to get in the spirit more as time went on, but this year so many changes in my life with dear friends in hospital being extremely ill, changes in my life pattern and it seems I can't keep up, so sometimes I just sit on the sofa and tune the world out.  They say 'this to shall pass' so hoping 2019 is a whole lot better for all of us. 

It's always great to hear from you my dear friend and I'll be thinking of you.

Much love


Comment by Marsha H on December 24, 2018 at 3:55pm

I've been busy, but also so many people are coming down with this blasted flu and arrangements over the holidays are all over the place and changed.  This Christmas seems so odd to me and I am trying to hang on to the spirit of it.  Exhausting!  LOL

Comment by Marsha H on December 24, 2018 at 3:54pm

Dear Mary Jane ...

I'm so sorry to hear about your kitty.  My one dog has anal gland problems and almost monthly I have to have them expressed.  It's not that common in cats to have anal gland problems, but some can.  Once expressed your kitty should be fine.  I know how frustrating it is for you to find someone to take you to the vets, but smart girl taking your kitty in now.  Isn't it always the way with children and pets they have something wrong on a weekend or long weekend.  

I hope all goes well and you have as good a Christmas as you can.



Comment by Marsha H on December 24, 2018 at 3:50pm

Dear Chuck ...  I do understand how you must feel, but the best gift you've gotten for Christmas is Steve being healthy once again and I know 2019 will be a good year for you.  That being said I know all of us will be thinking of our deceased loved ones, but I smile knowing Ernie is right here with me.

I hope you got my ecard because I don't have your address.  Both of you are in my prayers and thought of often.

Much love


Comment by Marsha H on December 24, 2018 at 3:48pm

An early MERRY CHRISTMAS to all my angels.  I know it's difficult for most of us to go through this season as the holidays can be melancholy at the best of times.  Remember, our beloved spouses will be near and want us to remember them, but to try and smile and be at peace as well.  

May 2019 be a much better year for all of you.

Much Love


Comment by Mary. Jane on December 24, 2018 at 5:51am

It is 5:30 am..I just got up for a bit to let my kitty into the garage to hopefully poop..u see, yesterday I had to take him to an emergency vet for an anal gland problem which hopefully stopped further since I am kinda waiting for him...I looked here,.and found posts. I will b back up  in a few hours ..but was delighted to find all yr is very cold here, andmy arthritus is very very bad...I will post more in a few hours, but it is so good to hear from all of u...bye for now...Christmas eve,,,God I hate this holiday..but next year it will b different. I don,t seem to b in as much pain in California as here in Oklahoma..was able to function a few weeks ago when I was there...ok I am rambling...going back to was a very stressful few days having my kitty sick..but he has been up all night playing as I tried to talk to u all later. 


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